Caring for My Dad (65, Alzheimer’s) — Looking for Guidance

mcboschi08

Hi everyone,

My dad is 65 and has Alzheimer’s. He’s still in good spirits, but his abilities are getting more limited. He can’t really make meals anymore beyond grabbing something simple, and he needs reminders and some help with personal care like shaving and showering. His speech and understanding are also very limited.

Right now, he’s home alone most weekdays while my mom works full-time. My sisters and I are local, but we also work full-time, so we’re starting to worry that soon it won’t be safe for him to be alone during the day.

I’d love to hear from others who’ve been in this stage:
• What signs told you it was time your loved one shouldn’t be left alone anymore?
• What kinds of support or services helped your family most at this point?
• Any advice for planning ahead so we aren’t caught off guard?

cdgbdr

DH couldn't use phone and had things like leaving water running. I waited too long and if you're worrying you should stay planning. I started with a companion 6 hours a day, then all day and as his abilities declined, moved him to Memory Care. Best of luck with your planning.

trottingalong

It sounds like the time has come or is very close that your father should not be left alone all day. A suggestion would be to put cameras throughout the home so he can be monitored. He should not have access to credit cards or the internet if he’s a person who may purchase something or be open to scams. I took away my husbands access to any bank accounts. I monitor his email. Hopefully your father doesn’t drive or wander. My mother in law wandered away from the house while my father in law was watering his lawn. She was found a few hours later sunburned and walking on a small country road a few miles from home. She had never wandered previous to that. Keep coming back, this site is a great source of information.

Timmyd

Cameras are maybe a good idea so you can randomly check in and see what is going on.

For me, deciding when DW could not be left alone was very hard. For personal reasons, I wanted to delay this decision as long as possible. I started by reducing the time she was left alone. Then my decision was to wait for a "clear sign". Depending upon PWD this could be a dangerous approach. For me it was when DW left the house looking for me. She did not wander far from our yard, but it was far enough to get the attention of our neighbors who were aware of her condition and told me what they saw. After that I started looking for companion care and DW is no longer left alone in the house.

At a minimum, I would start research companion care right now. Depending upon where you live, there may be a lot of decisions you have to make as to how to approach companion care (private, vs agency usually being the biggest decision). It can take a while to find the right person and you do not want to be making these decisions while desperate. Finding the right companion has made a huge difference in my quality of life as a caregiver for my wife. But of course it does come at at price$$$.

H1235

Welcome. Here are the things I considered when my mom was home alone. Can he use a phone to get help if needed? If there were a fire would he know to leave the house or would he try to put it out? Would he let a stranger (scammer) into the house? If the fire alarm went off would he know what to do? Does he wander or talk about leaving and going to ….? Does he use the stove or is there any chance he might suddenly decide to (fire)? Does he follow restrictions(for example would he try to mow the lawn or shovel snow) designed to keep him safe or is he becoming defiant? Many with dementia don’t recognize their symptoms and limitations leading them to do things that are dangerous for them. Is he eating a proper diet and taking medications as prescribed while home alone?

I think facilities can get a bad wrap. They really have a lot to offer when compared to leaving a loved one home alone. Interaction with others is good for a person with dementia. My mom had no one to talk with and didn’t even bother to get dressed most days. In Al she did bingo and had friends she enjoyed visiting with. You should keep in mind that some facilities may have a waiting list. Memory care and assisted living can be very expensive, but still probably not as expensive as in home care. I would think $5-$10,000 for assisted living. With in home care you need to deal with no shows which may be a problem. Your local commission on aging may be able to help with services available in your area. Has your family seen a lawyer. DPOA, living will and will are important. But they can also help with financial planning. For most coming up with that much money a month is not possible. With your mom still working a lawyer may be a good idea to help figure out financial options. Assisted living is going to do an evaluation before he moves in to see if he is independent enough. In my experience al expects a certain amount of independence. Lots to consider. Good luck.

SDianeL

welcome. I would no longer leave your Dad alone for safety reasons listed above. When my husband was being evaluated for VA caregiver support, the nurse doing the evaluation asked him what he would do if there was a fire. He thought a long time and said he would try to put it out. My heart sank. The nurse waited until later in the conversation and asked him if there was anything else he would do and he thought a long time and said no. She told me after the call that he could not be left alone under any circumstances. I never did after that. Plan for 24/7 care. Medicare doesn’t cover it. Have a Plan B. Full time in home care or a Memory Care facility? Don’t wait. There may be waiting lists. If so, get him on the list. Are his legal affairs in order with POA’s etc?