CCRC forcing LO move from independent to MC

hjtoevs

My LO with VD lives in a CCRC in an independent home with 24 hour care. On waitlist for MC. My sister and I took her for “lunch” when opening came up. We decided not to place her in MC and continue with 24 hr care. CCRC has called us in for meeting saying they are concerned with LO’s safety. CCRC says she has to move to MC or leave her independent home and move elsewhere. If we do not move her to MC then we will have to find a new facility to take our LO. It is in their contract that they can determine her not safe to live in the independent home but that was not explained very well. We were also told we could pass on the waitlist until we were ready but now they have come at us with this.
We are so sad and do not know how to tell our LO as we just told her we were not moving her. 😢

SDianeL

I would move her if they are concerned about safety. MC caregivers are better trained to care for dementia patients. Do they have an opening at the same facility? If not when will they? Will they wait until then? No need to tell your LO. She can no longer reason so she won’t understand. Just take her to lunch and have them move her things. Yes she may be upset but her safety is the most important thing. Hopefully she will settle in quickly. 💜

towhee

It could be a safety issue. Even with 24 hour care you need to dementia proof the residence and at least put alarms on the door to prevent "eloping". Facilities are always worried about compliance with state regulations and being sued. It could be a staffing issue, there might sometimes be difficulty getting someone to cover a shift either on time or at all. It could be that other residents have complained. It could be financial in some way for the facility. You might ask for a little more detail, but the contract will rule.

Victoriaredux

Be sad she has dementia- a progressive disease , but grateful she can stay in the same location and get the right level care- which was included in her purchase decision .

Financially ind units are CCRC entry slots , yours isn't the only family that doesn't want to see their LO in MC (who would?)- having folks who need more care in an "independent home" - like your LO does [24 hour assist] - doesn't "show well" to future residents. That doesn't mean MC isn't needed for your LO now.

Having her in a section where she can walk around , meet new folks and have trained MC staff is an upgrade of care.

Don't refer back to your original convo that she doesn't "have" to move or apologize. She may have forgotten the convo or just cling to the emotion- change= bad since she probably lacks the ability to evaluate her needs or understand the disease .

Deciding how another person lives is a big decision , we all want to get their approval when we make it but involving or informing them about the decision making process isn't wise with dementia.

harshedbuzz

@hjtoevs

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

You've already gotten some excellent input. I can appreciate that it is hard to make the choice to move to MC as it is a sad benchmark of a sad progressive disease. But it sounds as if the CCRC has concerns about safety; were there an incident, they'd be the ones held responsible so they get to make the call. There may be some other reasons for the move— perhaps she's not a good fit for the other residents and is being shunned (this happened to an aunt/many older people want nothing to do with those who have cognitive issues). Perhaps she distracts from the sales pitch when touring if they're marketing as an active adult community. Perhaps the 24/7 caregivers she has aren't as attentive as the facility would like.

Since you are going to have to move her, I'd take the opportunity to tour other available MCFs in the area. Often the CCRCs have areas of strength and weakness. Of the 3 facilities I would consider for my own family, one is awesome for IL (it's like a busy college dorm for older people) but the SNF and MCF are afterthoughts. While one is great for hospice and MC, they're not-so-hot around skilled nursing. And the last is great around skilled nursing but still sorting out their MC unit.

Since you seem resistant to MC for your mom at this point, be careful that you don't fall for the common sales tactic where the person touring assures you mom could be fine in the AL wing to get you in the door and then pull the classic switcheroo and insist she needs to move to MC immediately.

Good luck. None of this is easy.
HB

SiberianIris

My mom is in a CCRC, and she had a beautiful apartment she loved. She moved there 8 years ago, and was diagnosed with dementia 2 years ago. As her dementia progressed, we added caregivers, eventually ending up with 3 shifts of caregivers for 24 hour coverage. Once she reached stage 5, her CCRC encouraged us to move her to their memory care. We waited and added caregivers. In a matter of months, she was showing some early stage 6 symptoms, and we moved her to memory care this past August.

We told her "the doctor wants you to stay here a few weeks for serious physical therapy". She loves doing physical therapy and "serious" is a word she likes a lot and interprets to mean important and better. The first 2 weeks were difficult, however, any move is difficult, even for people who don't have dementia. Four weeks in, I could tell she was physically and cognitively better - not enough to leave MC - but because she is a natural extrovert and the type of person who willingly likes to try new things, so the activities and social stimulation have been very beneficial for her.

When she had the 24 hour caregivers, her only social interaction was from the caregivers or her 3 children. Some of the caregivers were better than others at engaging with her. Her friends had either died off or avoided her due to dementia. She now has friends in MC, and I've seen how they wave her over to their table when I walk her into the dining room.

At my most recent visit, she was giving me a tour of the facility. (Her short term memory is so short she doesn't remember I've been there many times, so she likes to take me on a tour each time.) We walked past a corner where musical instruments were stored. She pointed to them and said "We played those, and I had the most fun - I can't wait until we do that again." I was pleasantly stunned because never in my life has my mother ever shown any interest in playing music. Now she's telling me she had so much fun she wants to do it again 😀

My point in sharing this is to say that a move to MC doesn't have to be a terrible thing. It depends on the person, and it depends on the MC facility. Some will be a better fit than others.

ESkayP

My sister and I planned every detail of my mother's apartment when we moved her from her home to an AL facility. I was devastated when she had been there only a matter of weeks before they deemed it unsafe for her to stay. She was wandering at night and even made it outside. She never left the grounds, but there was no question about her needing extra supervision, extra locks, extra care. Thankfully, their MC unit was attached in a separate wing of the same building. My sister who lives two states away couldn't get more time off work, so one of my mother's friends helped me move her things. We told Mom her former apartment needed repairs. In a couple days, she forgot all about it. She had never fully transitioned from the first move. It had been a difficult time for us all around. I have no doubts now (two years later) that it was the only choice. As I have been reminded so often on this forum, we have to gauge our LO's condition according to their worst day, not their best. Where will your LO be safe and fully cared for on their worst day? That's the question you must ask yourself. I wish the best for you and your LO.