Bringing Dad home?

SusanTCS

In the mild-moderate-severe way of describing stages of Alzheimer's, my dad has one foot in "severe". He is in MC and the care there is pretty good. But he is so sad not to be with family. My mom is living with my husband and me. We tried to care for both of them, but my dad is very independent and would not let me or my mom do any hands-on care…to the point of threatening to swat my mom for trying to help him with his shower. My mom's condition is psychological and she was going downhill fast over trying to get him to let anyone help.

When we talked to our local Council on Aging and Visiting Angels home health care, he said "we are not having any angels in here". We tried explaining to him that if he wouldn't let anyone take care of him our only option left was to move him to a care facility, which we ended up doing just over a year ago. But we are still heartbroken and it is so sad that he is sad and of course doesn't understand at this point why he has to be there even though he has stopped arguing that he doesn't have Alzheimer's.

Do any of you have experience with having a loved one in MC and then bringing them home at some point? Is there a point where he should just be home with us?

Thank you for any insight you have to share.

terei

You have 4 people involved here. Sometimes you just have to make the decision to have one person less than happy to protect the other three from excessive stress and discomfort. It sounds like he was not allowing family to care for him. Why do you think that has changed?

H1235

I agree with terei. It sounds to me like bringing him home would be very bad for your mom and the rest of the family. Moving a person with dementia can also be disorienting and cause an increase in symptoms. Is he on any medication for anxiety and depression? Maybe it needs to be adjusted. The right medication can make a big difference and it doesn’t have to turn him into a zombie. It can take a while to find the correct dosage and it seems just about that time you do, the symptoms change or anxieties increase. It’s a moving target. Many with dementia have anosognosia. This is an inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. It is absolutely awful! His brain is not working right. Trying to reason with him and explain why he needs to be there won’t work. I would avoid any talk of his symptoms or dementia. It will just cause an argument. Some here have had success blaming the need to be in mc on the doctor or claim it is some form of rehabilitation. Sorry you need to be here, but glad you found us.

SDianeL

For many PWD’s home is a feeling, not a physical place. He is being well cared for with 24/7 care that you cannot provide. Remember why you made the decision in the first place. When you visit try to be upbeat, visit at mealtime. When you leave don’t say goodbye, just slip out. Let the nurse know you’re leaving so they can distract him with a treat. Tell him he can go home when the doctor says so. Then change the subject. Remember you didn’t do this to him, you did it for him.

easy23

i brought my DH home from MC after 5 weeks. He had improved significantly since he was unable to drink alcohol in MC. He was in the moderate stages while drunk and early stages when sober.

He stayed home with me for four years until the dementia progressed to where he was at the moderate/severe stage. Then I had to place him in MC again.

If I were you, I would leave him in MC. Things can change on a dime and you would only have to go through the placement again. Remember that things are only going to get worse, not better.

SusanTCS

Thank you all so much for your replies. This has helped me a lot.