LO Refuses Care

Hi Everyone,

My parent is in late stage dementia and we cannot find proper care for him. He can still physically speak, but nothing he says makes sense and he cannot respond in a logical way to even the simplest questions. We recently made the hard decision to move him to a memory care facility, but he was promptly removed after hitting an aide.

The facility sent him to a geriatric psychiatric unit where he was not bathed, his teeth were horrible, he lost several pounds etc. because the staff said he was uncooperative and combative (so essentially they just let him rot in his room).

While there, he fell and broke his hip. He was then moved to a “skilled nursing facility” where he was also neglected (the first time I visited he was naked and there were feces all over his room, his catheter bag was completely full, etc.), nurse took 35 minutes to respond to call and said he’s too combative to get into clothes. Later he apparently kicked an aide so they sent him to the ER (not sure I follow the logic). He was admitted to the hospital again, and is still being combative, even with myself and other family. He would not let me near his very-full catheter (pulled his arm back like he was going to punch me). He would not let me help him scoot up in his bed (as his hip is still not fully healed and his legs were uncomfortably hanging off the side). Hospital staff also says he refuses to let them take his vitals or help him eat.

We are simply at a loss for what to do. Of course the aggression is horrible and I wish that on no one, but isn’t this quite common with late stage Alzheimer’s/dementia? Aren’t there specialists (I thought that’s part of what memory care units were prepared for)? Everyone seems to shrug their shoulders, say good luck, and just pawn us off onto another facility.

We are all completely mentally and emotionally exhausted, just want the best for him, but cannot find solutions anywhere. Does anyone have a similar experience or recommendations?