Losing my mom...

Hello.

I'm 100% new around these parts, but I was encouraged by the counselor I spoke with at the Alzheimer's Association to post my story here in search of those with shared experiences.

I (53) live in Texas with my wife, and my mom (83) lives in Miami, FL. Since moving to Texas in late 2012, I've traveled back to Miami at least once per year, be it for Mother's Day, Thanksgiving, or Christmas. My dad passed in late 2014 and, since then, I've tried to go more often, as my mom has never been very handy, often has things that need fixing, and has a difficult time finding help, mostly because she doesn't speak Spanish. My mom and I have always had a close, loving relationship, and when my mom and wife met, they really hit it off and very quickly developed a very warm, loving relationship. That was 7 years ago, and how things have changed....

In between visits, my mom and I talk on the phone 2 to 3 times per week. About three years ago (hard to say, exactly), I started to notice small changes, like my mom asking a question I answered the last time we spoke, just 2-3 days prior. Before I knew what was going on, I would often become frustrated and sometimes tell her, "I told you the last time we spoke," to which she would reply, "No, you didn't." I'd retort, "Yeah, Mom. I did." Sometimes, she'd remember that I had, in fact, answered her question. Other times, she wouldn't, but it wasn't a big deal. We would laugh about it and move on. This worsened over the course of many months, with phone calls becoming akin to the reading of a fixed script, comprised of the same stories and questions.

Then things started getting...weird. My mom has a sister who she's always been pretty close with. One day, she asked me, "Have you spoken with Aunt A?" I told her I hadn't, to which she replied, "Well, I'm not talking to her." When I asked her why, her explanation stunned me. "She told me I should make her the sole beneficiary in her will, because you're not even blood." I was adopted at 3 weeks and the entire family was always very open about my being adopted, and I was never once made to feel like I wasn't 100% family. I was fairly close with this aunt through my childhood, as me and my parents would spend a week or two every summer with her and my cousin. My aunt saying what my mom accused her of was absolutely, unquestionably NOT something I could ever imagine her saying. This all came after my mom had asked me numerous times if I recalled my aunt asking her estate attorney if she could speak with him privately - it never happened, because I was there, with them, upon my dad's passing.

Around the same time, during one particular phone call a couple of years ago, my mom asked me if I'd spoken with another cousin, K. "I haven't spoken with him in a while." She went on to say, "Well, I don't like him. Do you know what he said?" I didn't know where she was going with this, so I asked. "He said you never told your wife about your MS (I have multiple sclerosis) before you were married." This is patently false, of course, as my cousin didn't even know I about my MS at the time (unless my mom told him about it :# ). This fixation on my cousin has evolved in fairly sinister ways. For example, she now believes - and has believed for almost a year now - that my cousin K, who lives in Tennessee, has broken into her house, left family pictures she's never seen before on the desk in her office. Simultaneously, she believes he also "stole" all of her friends' names, phone numbers, and email addresses, which he used to broadcast on the internet all of my mom's misdeeds (whatever those are). This is why none of her friends like her or want to talk with her any longer.

Very recently, in the past 3 months, she has come to believe that the above wasn't only my cousin's doing, but mine, too. Yes...I conspired with my cousin. Her believe has escalated to the point that in the last 3 weeks, she will no longer answer the phone when I call. She has returned my call 3 times in the past 3 weeks, and each time she says the same thing: "I'm just calling to let you know I'm okay. I can't believe that you did what you did to me...that you could treat me that way, and I have no desire to speak with you anymore. [CLICK]"

I had called her primary care doctor, who she's seen for decades. I thought I was on her HIPAA and wanted his perspective, as a medical professional, who has seen her for so many years. After 4 calls and no returned calls, I called a 5th time and evenly threatened to report him to the Florida Board of Medicine. Of course, he was on the phone with me within 15 minutes. He said I was on her HIPAA last year, but that's expired and she'd told him not to speak with anyone about her - not me, her friends, other family...no one. But he's concerned about her, so he called me to let me know. She's not taking her antidepressant, her Galantamine, and who knows what else.

I plan to speak with an elder law attorney in Florida, but this has been so incredibly stressful. She has no power of attorney, so no one is able to take care of her affairs if she was incapacitated for a few months. In fact, other than a will, I don't know that she has any other estate planning in place. Any attempts to speak with her about these things years ago only resulted in, "You don't need to know anything about my affairs. I'll be fine." Any attempt to reason with her was met with a stone wall.

I just don't know what to do or where to take this, beyond speaking with an attorney. I don't see how I can make her speak with me if she's found competent, but I'm afraid she may not be and may be neglecting herself. Anyone have any advise, based on similar experience/s?