Parallel living

I am going through a similar thing right now. Every evening my DH asks me … Where do you live when you’re not here? I also noticed that the picture of the two of us that he carried in his wallet for 35 years is gone. He must not have recognized me in the picture, so he threw it away?????
Mornings and evenings are like this (many delusions), but he is so much better in the afternoons. I usually go with the flow, but I am always stumped when he asks me where I live. I just tell him I live here because I just don’t have an answer, and he looks at me like I’m crazy.

This is hard! Google "Capgras syndrome." My DH has episodes of this where he even asks me to walk with him to go find his other wife who happens to have my name!

My aunt went through this with my uncle. He knew her name was Lois, but he refused to believe she was HIS Lois. She thought that it was because he was remembering her as a young wife rather than someone her current age. She finally reduced her visits to the facility to once a month because he would get so agitated

DH has not known my name for the longest time, but knows I am his person. Sometimes he refers to me as his wife but in the same day also assigns me roles of sister, cousin, daughter, and even a few times I was his son! The toughest time for me was when this forgetting me first began, and he started asking me where "the other woman" went. Broke my heart into little bits. It is better now that I can laugh at it like you @Judy Bee

We went through some rough days during UTIs in mid stages and I learned to be really happy with whomever he thinks I am at any time, as long as he likes her and isn't trying to kick (me) out of the house or lock me out.

This post reminded me of the days when he would say how weird it was that "this place looks just like" his house. I did (and do) a lot of agreeing, validating underlying feelings, and then redirecting. Hugs and such definitely help. And our facial expressions are really important, to reassure PWDs. Remembering to smile is key! I have to remind myself of that caregiving tip, often.

As words and communication become more confusing to them, visual cues make a huge difference in interpreting whether you are friend or foe, happy, or mad. Smiling, eye contact, standing right in front of him in his field of vision, and monitoring my tone of voice has helped so much. DH is much more chill now, but especially in Stage 5 and early 6, to get cooperation instead of conflict, it was important to speak gently - a few times he said I yelled at him, and he was cranky and snarky right back (when I wasn't being cross or unkind at all but it was the volume I guess. Anyway, I don't miss that period except hearing his voice as he is almost completely silent now.

My DH was diagnosed with Alzheimers Dementia in April 2022, confirmed by an MRI. On August 23rd, 2024, while we were at our cottage, he looked at me and asked where his wife went. After a couple of days of telling him I was his wife, to no avail, I became the companion/care person hired to care for him. I apparently don't look like his wife as he calls me a lovely young lady. Initially he was distraught, thinking she may have gone into the woods and been eaten by a bear. He wanted to call the police and called his sister-in-law (my sister) to ask if she'd heard from me His physician advised me not to argue with his new reality. So his wife sent an email to her sister to let her know she's gone away for now due to stress and rented a little house. The stress he feels is mostly gone now, though he does continue to ask if anyone has heard from her. He likes me, though, and thinks I do a great job. He sleeps in his own room, which he believes is appropriate as the lovely English gentleman that he is. Occasionally he attempts to flirt with me, although he knows that I am a married woman and that I love my husband. The whole situation is heartbreaking, and it has been almost a month that she's gone. By all indications, she won't be back.

Hey Rosanne and @Cate2024, you definitely aren't alone on this one.

My DW has stopped calling it "our house" or "her house," and mostly calls it "your house," meaning me. That said, she also often tells me it's ok to stay over or asks "You can stay over tonight, right?"

And if she gets mad at me (which, fortunately, usually lasts less than 5 minutes), she talks of me as if someone else, asking "who was that ?!@?! telling me what to do?" She'll say "it wasn't you, it was that other guy."

It might be just minor comfort, but be assured it happens to others too.