Moving LO to a condo

@Caregiver222

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

What your siblings are proposing can be doable. I know someone who did a similar thing putting the wife's aunt and husband's mom— both with mid-stage dementia— in a small cottage nearby with 24/7 caregivers they hired privately. Because the lived in a MCOL area with a good-sized Mennonite community available to hire from, there were only occasional no shows the wife covered. The husband was one of 6, but the only other one to really pitch in was the sister who was a live-in caregiver to their dad who was dying of CHF.

I have a friend who kept his dad in a carriage house on his property well into the later stages with part-time aides, his wife, self, brother and a large family of young adult/teenage kids keeping an eye out for dad. The kids were used to grandpop living at the end of the drive, so nothing really changed until dad became a elopement risk and developed incontinence.

That said, there can be challenges depending on what sort of assets/LTC insurance your folks bring to the table, how much hands-on work the siblings are willing to provide, whether you can easily hire aides in your community, and the presentations/personalities of the PWD. In the case of the mom who lived apart from the DH with CHF, it was because she agitated him and he could be unkind when provoked. Sometimes 2 PWD do not get along and might be better separated in different halls of a MCF.

Generally speaking, finances play into this as well. Care is very expensive and many PWD who go into facilities do spend down all their assets and require institutional Medicaid as a safety net. Where I live, most MCFs are about $10K per month although you will probably get a small discount if they share a room. Agency aides run about $40/hour and may charge additional for a second client. Ours did. You might pay less per hour if you hire privately, but that comes with vetting, payroll, scheduling and covering people who don't show.

Many of the nicer places that do accept Medicaid save their limited "Medicaid Beds" for their current residents operating under a business model that requires them to self-pay for 2-3 years. Since you would potentially be looking for 2 beds, you could end up having to split them up as they transition to Medicaid unless they're current residents of your top choice. If the sale of their home barely covers 2 years for both, I might make the safer choice and move them directly into a MCF now. But I would talk to a CELA in the state in which you plan to move them. Not all states approve Medicaid for AL/MC so they'd have to qualify for SNF level care. A certified elder law attorney would also be able to advise on other programs including VA if applicable.

HB

@Carl46

The OP's parents live a distance away from any of their adult children. A move is going to be necessary.

TBH, I didn't see an obvious progression of symptoms with moving dad. Around the time of his eventual diagnosis, He's moved from his place in FL to his place in MD in July. In August, he had a psychotic episode that resulted in mom driving him north to PA where we took him to the ER of a university hospital with a memory center. In early September he was discharged to SNF/Rehab for a month. From there, we moved them into an apartment nearer to me. They were unhappy in the apartment, so mom and I found a house for them. The weekend I moved them in January, they stayed together in a suite style hotel to avoid dad interfering.

I know a lot of families report an obvious disease progression with a move; I didn't. Perhaps it isn't inevitable. FWIW, my aunt who developed dementia as an older widow living in a somewhat remote area actually improved when she went into memory care. The dementia-informed structure of the program and support, along with a healthier diet and socialization, allowed her to relax and function better.

HB