Personality Disorders + Alzheimer’s Disease

Hi, I’m new to this message board and this is my first post. It’s going to be a long one. I’m feeling a bit desperate and I need some advice. My Mom is 78 and was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a year ago. Although, I think she’s probably been sick for longer and her condition was masked by her existing mental health issues. She now lives in an Independent Living facility (with attached Assisted Living, and Memory Care options for later). I live within 30 minutes of her and my sister lives several states away, but does everything she can to support the situation from afar. I love my Mom, but she has always been a lot (major fear of abandonment, highly emotional, manipulative, extremely sensitive to criticism, constantly in need of admiration, entitled, superior, and never wrong, etc.) She’s always been that way and I think even as a child I realized that something wasn’t quite right. As an adult I have come to understand that she most likely suffers from borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or both. When I read about these disorders it’s like the writer knows and is describing my Mom perfectly. Now that she has Alzheimer’s, it’s as though all of those things that have made her hard to handle all of life have been dialed up to the max. I am trying to be a good daughter, but every interaction with her is becoming excruciating. My sister and I have spent our whole lives walking on eggshells and trying to make her happy. Now walking on eggshells doesn’t work anymore and every phone call and visit turns into an altercation. We try to redirect her, but nothing works. We do everything we can to look after her, managing her health, her finances, her rental property, and anything she could possibly need, but nothing is ever enough. I know she is ill, but dealing with all of this is having a profound effect on my mental health. I just can’t handle being yelled at all the time. I feel like my life has been hijacked and my husband and children (8,6) are being affected. I will always make sure that she is safe and cared for, but I don’t think I can continue to manage her emotions and retain my sanity. What should I do?