New Role as Conservator and Guardian after Theft by POA

LoWhit53 · September 29

After a difficult effort to force my sister's POA (her son) to resign when we discovered he had taken more than half of her wealth, I am stepping into the role of her conservator and guardian which I am doing from across the country. My sister, who is in a moderate stage of dementia, is safe in an assisted living residence with a wonderful, understanding staff, but of course I worry about her day to day and the impact this is having on her.

Aside from all the legal dealings to set up new accounts and payment systems, there are also decisions about whether her son should be allowed to visit her as he continues to represent to her that this is no big deal and will all be repaid by the end of the year, when in fact he may be facing criminal charges by then and the he will never be able to repay her himself.

Some days I'm just fine and can get through the list of things that need doing. Other days I struggle through anger toward my nephew for what he did and anxiety for my sister's future. I've started to put together a family support team to support her where she is.

Sometimes I just need to know I'm not alone and hear from others who have gone through this as a caregiver.

towhee · October 1

Hello and welcome to the discussion boards. This particular board does not get much traffic so you might want to repost on the General Caregiver or Caring for a Parent board, either one is fine.

I am sorry this has happened. Unfortunately mismanagement of money and family conflict over money is not uncommon, there are couple of those types of situations current on the boards now. Outright stealing is rarer. You stepped up and did what was hard but necessary. I do not know you but let me thank you anyway.

Your idea of organizing family support where she is is wonderful. You might also see if there is a geriatric care manager available to look in on her from time to time.

Again, welcome.

ARIL · October 2

Wow, that is very hard. I echo @towhee in appreciation for your stepping up for your sister. I have not faced the situation you are in, but I have been a long-distance caregiver and dealt with financial missteps (putting it mildly) by someone else, although not a POA and not rising to the level of criminality.

I very much understand and empathize with the constant worry and the flashes of fury. Agreed that creating a family support network is wonderful. If the situation proves too hard, now or later, you may want to think about the option of moving her close to you. The long-distance thing may work for now, though, and may work for this situation always. Each PWD is different.

Yes, people here understand and sympathize, and we recognize good caregiving when we see it. You are doing the hard things well.

ARIL · October 2

And as far as whether the son should be restricted from visiting her: I think the main question there should be whether his visits are helping or harming her. Does she enjoy them? Do they bring her any joy or peace? Would she be upset not to see him? Would she remember not seeing him? Presumably he cannot extort money from her now? Is there any possibility of his harming her financially or psychologically?

Losingmom23 · October 3

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74236/new-role-as-conservator-and-guardian-after-theft-by-poa

This is more common than you think. I'm in the same situation and is has fractured many family relationships. My sister , brother & her daughter showed up at her secure memory care facility a tried to remove our mom. Once the judge read all the documents she wrote in her orders all visitors had be approved. Our job it is our keep our loved ones safe, treated with love & respect. Decisions we have to make are not about us its for our loved one. Please try to give yourself grace & do something for YOU daily Hugs

LoWhit53 · October 22

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/255066#Comment_255066

LoWhit53 · October 22

Thanks for your perspective. My sister is safe from any further financial harm from her son. While he would not abuse her emotionally, we do suspect he is not supportive of anyone's care for her but his own. He has really strong negative feelings for his sister, who is the only other local caregiver she has and he. disparages her frequently to his mom. We suspect he encourages his mom to resist her daughter's care and find fault with all she does. This is extremely unhelpful. On a couple of occasions he has encouraged her to believe very improbable stories of the daughter's behavior. While not strictly abusive, having a falsely negative view of a caregiver is not in my sister's best interests. As guardian I've recently set ground rules between the two siblings that are aimed at being more supportive of each other and hope this helps.

ARIL · October 24

Your sister is so fortunate to have you! I hope the ground rules help.

New Role as Conservator and Guardian after Theft by POA

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