Father in hospital, begging me to set him free

This extra confusion of your dad comes from the illness, the fall, meds used to treat same, and being in an unfamiliar physical location. It is usually called delirium, or hospital delirium. It will take time to clear up and he may not get back to the level he was at before. If he has glasses or hearing aids make sure he has them on in the hospital and has a couple of familiar things with him like a small photo album and familiar throw. Hospitals and rehab centers are not really set up for dementia so if you can afford it having some private care there to supplement your visits would be helpful.

Also, Emma Heming Willis' book (wife of Bruce) is very helpful and makes the point that if you run yourself into the ground, your LO still has dementia and now 2 of you are in a bad way,

This is my dad's story almost verbatim. It's heartbreaking and I am so sorry.

Falls and UTIs go hand in hand in PWD. You would not have necessarily been able to spot the UTI as they often present differently in PWD, sometimes with no symptoms at all. Falls were really our first sign.

Something to understand is that once they fall like this, they are fall risks forever. While in rehab, he may not understand why he is there and may continue to want to walk, get up, etc. and not remember that he can't. I would ask for a urology consult while he is in the hospital or follow up once he is discharged. Urinary issues in elderly males with dementia can get complicated quickly. Also talk to the hospital social worker who can aid with the next transition.

He will most likely not understand why he can't go back home. PWD can't be reasoned with for the most part, they don't understand the extent of their condition and no amount of explaining will make it so. He may be angry at first and it will take time to adjust to the MC. Put the burden on the doctors, tell him you have to follow their recommendations, it's the law, etc. My dad went to hospital, then rehab, then MC and while devastating, in some ways it did make it easier.

You have cared for him admirably but it is definitely time to let someone else take over as his needs will most likely be more than you can manage at this stage. You will still be his caregiver and advocate, just in a different role. Come back often for support, this is a great forum to receive feedback and advice. Hugs to you!

As I read your post, I could feel your despair. It looks like so many here have responded with help. I’m not sure what to say other than I am in this with my Dad too and it sucks. I am sorry that you are in this without family support but like many here said, you have to put the oxygen mask on before you can help your Dad. I often ask myself, “what would Dad (from before his Dx) tell me to do”. Sometimes I can’t connect but other times I hear his voice loud and clear. I wish you an easier day today 🙏

My mother is a fall risk, having had a couple resulting in broken bones and frequent UTIs. She rarely has symptoms for the UTIs. When finally diagnosed she is at the point that she has had so many and given so many antibiotics that she is becoming resistant. The last antibiotic was IV (the only option) and had both mental and physical side effects. We should have left her in the hospital. We requested a sitter to be with her 24/7 but they used a bed alarm instead. Someone neglected to turn it on and she was out of bed with the IV pulled out before the nurses got to her. Even with the alarm by the time they hear it and get to it she has already gotten out of bed. I felt uncomfortable administering the IV at home but the experience with the hospital did not inspire confidence. The side effects were really beyond my capabilities. As far as the physical rehab goes, just keep telling your father that the facility will not release him until he's better. They don't like it or necessarily believe it but that's the truth. On one level it sucks but on another it gives you a little breathing room.

I would just practice repeating ‘I know it stinks, Dad, but this is doctor’s orders and you have to stay til you are better. There is nothing I can do about it, I’m Sorry’. No further ‘explanations’ are going to be helpful. He is in his own reality now and probably has no understanding as to his limitations and the other demands in your life. You are doing your best…keep reminding yourself. He should go directly from rehab to MC by the way. I caution not to bring him home or you will have even more complications and stresses for you both.