Feeling Guilty

dgby32

Where do i begin. For the past few years, my husband And i were having problem., financial, personal etc. I was suspecting drug abuse also. eventually i pusued divorce. He moved out but refused to get a job, and support himself in any meaningful way. I continued to support him to the best of my abilities, racking up tons of debt. He continues to say i don't care about him, and tells everyone the same. About 2 years ago prior to the divorce proceedings he had a minor stroke. It was determined to have a few small lesions, he recovered what appeared to be quicky. No one told me what to suspect, he behavioral was still argumentative as before but more intense. He used guilt, fear, etc. to become more manipulateive. All of this time i have been treating him as a rational, reasonable adult. I was making such a mistake. After reading some posts all the signs of dementia and last week we received a diagnosis of early onset dementia, he is 54. The devastation before this diagnosis i allowed is unbelievable. Now i understand what is happening i feel guilty about the things that he was doing and my reaction and accusations. Even with this knowledge, i know he will resist my help. He will continue to accuse me of being the cause of all of his problems. I love him very much, i regret the divorce stuff, its never gone anywhere. I want to take care of him but we are living separately now aand i cannot continue to support two households. We had a huge fight last week and said horrible things and haven't talked since. Until the past few days of reading i am much more keenly aaware of what has been happening. I am overwhelmed with guilt, sadness and loss. I realize this is going to a long hard road to haul. This post in no way sums up everything, its way to much to explain .

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Ed1937

I'm sorry you have to deal with such a devastating condition. Even though you are young, I think a CELA (certified elder law attorney) is someone you should talk to. Many times the first consult will be free of charge. During this meeting you will understand what they can do to protect assets, produce legal papers for your situation(s), explain the Medicaid procedure in your state, and much more. This meeting is for both you and your husband, and it should be done soon. Waiting too long can have grave consequences.

There was no way for you to know that many of the problems you were having were because of dementia, so there is nothing to feel guilty about. It happens to a lot of people, and the person closest to them typically gets the blame for everything. If you decide to be his caregiver, it will be an extremely hard job, but we can help you get through the rough times. In the meantime, read a lot of posts to get a better idea of what might be ahead, and how to get help on different things.

Denise1847

I am so very sorry that you are having to be on this forum. I suspect if we polled the caregivers on this forum, we would find that most of us reacted angrily to our SO's prior to the diagnosis. I remember being angry with my spouse because I thought he was being rude and thoughtless to me. You must move past this guilt and accept that you cannot go back, you can't fix what your response was and you are a human being who has limits to how much you can take. Now is the time to move forward.