Moving loved one into MC

MissySimpson

I am trying to move my mother into MC and after being very passive, she is now adamant about staying in her house (she says is her mothers who has been dead for over 55 years). How do you make this change as seamless as possible? :s :s

Emily 123

Hi Missy,

This is a tough one, but on the plus side, it's very common. Everyone's experience is different, but it's always good to see what's worked for others. https://alzconnected.org/search?domain=all_content&query=moving%20mom%20to%20memory%20care&scope=site&source=community

It sounds like she's a bit lost in time, since she's equating her house with her mother's. Does she have a diagnosis of dementia and do you have POA?

M1

Welcome Missy. It is not easy. Sounds like you've done the instinctive thing, which is to discuss it with her--but she is past that, I would not bring it up again. Hopefully you have power of attorney? Because this is almost certainly going to require it. If you don't already have it, you need to see a certified elder law attorney about what steps to take.

My partner is in MC after a hospitalization, and she went straight from the hospital (by ambulance). We switched facilities in late April, and I had some friends drive her there while I came separately (discharge paperwork, etc). We told her she was going out to lunch. Many people use similar strategies--but essentially, you do not discuss it ahead of time, you just go there and then let the staff take over.

One of the common sayings on these boards is that you do not try to reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Any discussion like that is going to provoke anxiety and resistance, so you have to learn workarounds. "Fiblets" or white lies told for the purpose of comfort are your friend here. Whatever it takes to reassure and calm. My partner hates MC, but since the facility change it has worked to tell her that she is there for physical therapy on her back.