Mother in law- and supporting my husband and brothers to best support her

veeohh

My MIL recently moved close to us from our of state. Since she has been closer we see increased memory impairment and getting lost while driving. I would like to chalk up some of it to learning a new area, however a few weeks ago she came into a restaurant disorientated and confused and the waitress called for a welfare check. This is not the first time she has gotten lost , just the first time a call was made to the sheriff. Afterwards she blew it off as just getting turned around. However after her sons held onto her car and met with her and she agreed to have GPS added to her car, She refuses or forgets to take a cell phone to call when she is lost so this was the compromise. We are also concerned she is not eating regularly. we don't have a formal dx but we are working on it, although she is resistant to go through all the doctor appts - She gets agitated easily. My though is that we help her with her routine, Schedule shopping trips, Dinners together etc. and place the schedule in her home to help her feel she isn't totally losing her independence and also helping her stay on task. she is completely against moving into a home to help her with all this at this time so in hopes it will relieve some of her angst and my Husbands and BIL stress which trickles down to myself and our children. Is this something anyone has tried before? any success?

cascheer

I would try an in home caregiver first. Getting lost is a huge sign for things to get worse.

SusanB-dil

Hi veeohh - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

Unfortunately, she may be farther along than suspected. Not eating regularly, getting lost, getting confused in a restaurant, refusing cellphone so you can help her - all are rather bad signs. She should maybe not be driving at all. Yes, that is one of the most difficult issues. MIL got lost around her own neighborhood, turned out it was several times. After we removed her from the road, she finally admitted that she came to an intersection and forgot what to do. And the fact that the sheriff had to be called, in your case, indicates there is probably more going on. Do not wait - if it turns out she does indeed have a diagnosis, insurance could refuse any coverage should something happen.

Please get paperwork in order. Does she have an appointed DPOA and someone with HIPAA accesses. This is important.

Also do check her fridge and pantry for expired foods. That she is not eating correctly is of course, not good, and she may simply be forgetting to eat.

She could also not realize that things are such amiss. This is anosognosia, and it is their reality in that they don't believe anything is wrong. Therefore, why bring the cellphone if nothing is wrong...

Would she go to the doctor if she figured she was going with you? Even if you do not have HIPAA accesses, you could - and should - still tell her doctor that she is getting confused in public places, and lost while driving. They may not be allowed to respond back to you, but they can definitely take into account what you tell them. You could also tell her it is for a 'wellness check' for medicare, or something similar.

Also - getting her to the doctor could rule out other possibilities. There are a myriad of things that can mimic, but can be helped. However, you probably know that what you've mentioned cannot continue. In fact, it sounds like this is getting a bit urgent.

Emily 123

Hi veeohh,

Welcome. I'd look around at the threads by using the search function, upper right hand side.

People with dementia build up a scaffolding of routines to help them through their day, and a lot of it is dependent on familiar surroundings. At the point you're describing, her short term memory is being impacted, and so she's unable to retain new information or impress a visual in her mind. A move like she's made has removed a lot of her scaffolding, so you will notice confusion more readily. She's probably struggling a bit more than she lets on or you realize. Late in the day she may become more confused as she wears down. The problem with the disease is that it blocks her brain from working correctly. It's not like having a child where challenging them helps them retain or learn new things. In this case, performing everyday tasks becomes harder and harder for the person because of what the disease does, and their need for support to maintain the illusion of independence becomes greater and greater. Challenging them sets them up to fail, because the disease causes a regression of skills.

The car needs to go--it's not just her getting lost, it's her being able to make decisions and react quickly. The disease affects a person's reaction times as well as their ability to have insight, use logic, reasoning, and good judgement. What if she hits a kid? Do a search for 'driving' and you'll see lots of threads with people talking about what they did.

Some things can mimic dementia, like a UTI, so it's important she gets checked out. You don't need to tell her she needs to see the doctor for any memory issues, but do give the doctor a heads up ahead of time, perhaps by a note handed off at check in, about the behaviors you're seeing.

Another to-do: meds. Is she taking them, the right ones, not double dosing, or assuming she's taken them? My mom took her morning vitamin for a month assuming it was her levothyroxine.

Here are some resources from the threads: https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/2/understanding-the-dementia-experience/Medium,Arial,Black,White,One-and-a-Half

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/65993/excellent-handout-packet-dementia-stages-cgs-actively-dying-tam-cummings#latest

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/66435/recommendations-of-videos-to-watch#latest

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/65171/books-about-alzheimers-disease

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/66314/anosognosia-how-to-help-when-they-dont-know-theyre-ill#latest

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