Primary Care (PC) Doctor is Undermining the Neurologist

email4moni

Because Alzheimers runs significantly in my mother's family (killed my grandmother and three of her sisters), I knew as soon as I started seeing tale tell signs in my mother I knew what was happening. After many, many months I finally convinced her to see a neurologist. So I asked her doctor for recommendations for a neurologist. I made an appointment for the one he suggested...which took 6 months to finally see! My mother is in total denial and my father is enabling her. My mother and I aren't close due to childhood emotional abuse but I'm trying to help her as much as my emotions will allow. I'm an only child so everything falls on me. When my mother didn't like what the neurologist told her (basically that given family history and what was diagnosed during the appointment) that she has Alzheimer's, my mother went to her primary care who completely undermined the neurologist and told my mother to not try the Namenda prescription because he told her "meds don't help with Alzheimers." He then told her not to go for the neuropsychological exam because it'll be too difficult for her to take! The neurologist ordered a CT and MRI but her primary care told my mom to only get the CT. Mind you her primary care doesn't take insurance so every time my mom sees him it's $300 so I think the doctor sees her as a golden goose charging her as she sees him multiple times a month or even a week! She's always been a hypochondriac, but now her primary care has her convinced that he's the only person looking out for her well being. It was already hard enough to get her to the neurologist, now thanks to the primary care, my mother thinks the neurologist is just a pill pusher. I have a POA and healthcare directive, but for the POA I need TWO doctors to diagnose her and since the primary care is working against me, I can't get a letter from him. My mother loves his diagnosis because it supports her idea that her memory loss is common for an 82 year old. I have a laundry list of examples for why her memory loss isn't normal but I'm all alone just as I was as an abused child. Part of me wants to walk away but she's so abusive to my father now that I stay involved to help him.

terei

You may have to step back + wait for a crisis so you can step in + frankly, take her to a different PCP or have her seen and hopefully assessed in an ER.

Maybe the neurologist would have a suggestion for a ‘2nd doctor’

SusanB-dil

Hi email4 - welcome to 'here'.

Totally agreeing with terei. You may just have to wait for the shoe to drop, and maybe go elsewhere for the 2nd opinion.

That whole scenario would be aggravating for sure!

It is not unusual for our LO to be in denial. Do look up 'anosognosia'. It is not denial, but rather, the firm belief that everything is just fine in their world. That is how they see it. No sense in arguing, it will not help. Do check in on the forums. Lots of good advice and support.