LO Actively Refuses to Socialize

rosecoloredglasses

Hi everyone! I hope you all had very happy holidays, and a happy new year! My mama (diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer's) has always been a social butterfly. However, due to Covid-19 and her diagnosis, has become quite sheltered. I've been told multiple times how socializing is key for a person with Alzheimer's/Dementia to thrive in life, but she avoids it by all means necessary. She's angry with her sisters for moving to different states, and gets extremely agitated with the messages that come from a family group chat because she can't track what's going on. Our family constantly reaches out to her, but she won't respond. She'll respond after we have a whole conversation about her anger and traumas, but it's so exhausting for me to go through that with her every single time a family member reaches out to her! I've suggested social groups and clubs that don't involve family members, but then she's terrified of the idea of "running in to someone that we know." She feels so much shame and that translates to anger towards everyone. I'm stumped on what to do!

SusanB-dil

Hi rosecolored - We limit the socialization for MIL. She just can't handle it.

She was a schoolteacher, and very active in her church's groups, and a den-mother for the boy-scouts. She was used to and loved being around all types of folks - family, friends... She is late stage-5, stepping into 6, and she gets very agitated if too many people are around. So we don't push the issue. We got together with a few family for Christmas, and then a few others for New Years. That was enough.

Can you limit the times that family reaches out to her? Maybe just 1 or 2 at a time, and space it by a few days?

M1

This kind of withdrawal is pretty common, and you can't force participation, it will only cause agitation as you have experienced. I would recommend just accepting it and removing her from the group chat if it upsets her. Many pwd withdraw from in person interactions as well because they have trouble following conversations. Apathy is an expected part of the disease, and we have to be careful not to project our expectations onto our loved ones. Whatever keeps her comfortable is okay.

Marta

Just let her be. Socializing has been shown to reduce chances of developing dementia; once the dementia is present, however, it may be of no further benefit, especially when it is obvious the person does not want it and acts out when you force it on her.

Anonymousjpl123

It’s so hard to see someone close to you change with this disease. I’m so sorry. If your mom was a social butterfly, it may be particularly hard for her to interact with people now, as she may or may not perceive her lack of ability to understand.

At one of my family support groups, they read the first few pages of the 35 hour day. It follows a woman with dementia (I think early to mid stage), through her day, her thoughts, her feelings. I was really eye opening for me. It helped me to realize how disconcerting it all must be for my mom.

If it’s not too painful to be with her, I would focus on 1:1 time. With you, with others. Keep things brief. It’s very hard, but the main thing I have learned is the key is bringing calmness and comfort. My mom appreciates and needs this more than she ever did. It’s a big change in the relationship dynamic, but worth sticking around for if possible. Hope this helps. Glad you found this forum, it has helped me manage each step of this thank god.