Just need to talk to my friends (196)
Amazing how fast we got to page 20 this time. We are good friends and we like to talk. We almost had more rain this afternoon but ended up with only thunder and a sprinkle. The weather man just said there will be bad weather all through the south tonight. Prayers for everyone in the path of the storms.
David, it's May 10th. Post on 196.
Comments
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Judith, your cupcakes sound wonderful! Ina has a lot of good recipes.
Lorita, still in moderate drought here but there is improvement statewide which is good.
HB, I have a lot of perennials and don't add to the perennials very much. What I get each spring is my Supertunias, herbs, tomatoes and ferns. I plant green beans, cucumbers and zinnias from seed. Here is my perennial collection: clematis, bleeding heart, lilies, daylilies, bluebells, coneflowers, Black eyed Susans, columbine, Black cohosh, Culver's root, liatris, coreopsis, roses, alllium, hellebores, phlox, astilbe, poppies (new this year), coral bells, lamb's ear, perennial geranium, iris, sweet pea, lupine, foxglove, epicedium peonies, tulips, daffodils, crocus, camassia, prairie smoke, trillium, shooting star, Jack in the pulpit, bellwort, daisies - Shasta and Ox eye, wisteria. Also flowering shrubs: lilac, weigela, azalea, serviceberry, aronia, hydrangea. We also grow raspberries and blueberries and will eventually have peaches as we planted 2 new trees this spring. I guess it is obvious why the garden keeps me busy! lol
Hope all have a good day; especially thinking of you, Ron and JeriLynn.
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Hi, don't know how Beth's post got on 196 but glad it did. Beth, you have so many flowers you could have your own seed catalog. We've had some of them but that was over 20 years ago when we lived in the MH. I love to see the pictures of your garden.
JeriLynn, hope things were better today. I know how frustrating this .must be for you. You are an angel for doing this for your FIL.
David, hope you have a safe trip. Everyone in the path.of the storms, please stay safe. Looks like we'll Have a few days of calm. Just heard many of us may get to see the northern lights tonight and tomorrow night. I've seen them once or twice when I was very young. They are amazing.
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Good Morning Rockers,
Yesterday the power didn't get restored until noon, so I "laid up sorry" until then. Didn't clean. Didn't do anything. DH had cooked for his brother so I rode with him to Scottsboro where there were many trees down, and lots of power trucks out on the backroads. Then we picked up BBQ sandwiches, came home and I went to bed. The Facility didn't call and I didn't go. I just flat ran out of steam yesterday. So, I rested.
Today, I'm going to the Facility. FIL was found on the floor Wednesday morning as we were preparing to take AnnaBelle to go to sleep. When I got there, He was in the Day Room in front of the TV with a dozen other Residents. Staff milling around or sitting. Not engaging with Residents but very interested in the Rotel dip they were concocting in the crock pot. His teeth were caked with something orange. He had on clothes from the Lost and Found that didn't fit to the point his "hoo-Ha" was almost coming out of the pants. This despite the fact I had delivered a week's worth of new, appropriate for Rehab clothing. I got him cleaned up, helped him with lunch, and spoke to the Nurse Practitioner. Made sure they knew I was leaving and just left. Today is Come to Jesus Day. Wish me luck.
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Good morning
David sorry to hear about your SIL.
I got impatient with mom yesterday. I don’t like that. Hope i am given the strength to do better today.
No certain plans for today. Hope to just go with the flow and maybe I can get a few things done.
JeriLynn know it is disappointing when you find things like that. I experienced that with my grandma. Still I would be thankful if my mom would go somewhere where others could help me take care of her. My grandma lived in a different state so couldn’t do much. Here if able I could go there every morning and evening and help her, i would take care of the clothing issue but when i left i would know there was someone to hold the fort til i got back. I wouldnt have to worry about upkeep of the house, lawn etc. The unreasonableness is just so tiring and then unfortunately that is when I find myself tired and crabby.
I have several friends and other family members dealing with versions of this right now and we are all getting older ourselves.
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Mint, I know you too are struggling, tired and STILL doing all you can do to care so well for your Mom. My heart goes out to you as well. I agree, if not for the Facility, I would have HAD to get up and do things. I don't mean to complain so much. I'm just so frustrated. And I think being a nurse makes it worse. I look at the level of care and think to myself "I would never!!! have my patients in such condition". But the reality is: It is what it is. I cannot bring him home. I just have to find a way to deal with this productively and not lose my sanity or my integrity. Big hugs to you. 👩❤️👩
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Morning
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JeriLynn I don’t see you as complaining. I see you as frustrated. Frustrated because you can’t get the situation under control.
When I worked, I always tried to see what was headed toward me and fix it before it became a problem. I always said i prefer a preemptive strike. I am guessing from what you say that’s how you were also. Every once in a while though, I would get a patient who was just totally uncooperative even when they could’ve been cooperative. So at some point I just had to accept that and say to myself well whatever happens to you happens to you because you’re not willing to accept help, and then I let it go I didn’t worry about it anymore. But in the situation we’re in now, we don’t feel free to do that because it’s different than being responsible for a patient. We feel responsible for a loved one and there is no shift change. I have problems with feeling guilty sometimes now because it’s my mom, whereas when it was the patient I wouldn’t have felt guilty. I would’ve known I had done the best I could do and that’s all I could do. The patient then would have to accept the responsibility for the rest .The other three people i know outside of here dealing with the same type of situation are also very frustrated. Their family members like mine are either in their own homes or in one case they’re living with her daughter. I think it’s a little frustrating regardless of what situation you are in because the reasoner is broken. Things could be so much better for my mom and me and I would like for them to be, but there’s no way to attain that at this time. It’s very hard not to become frustrated because it’s making your life even more challenging than it would have to be. I frequently say my mom is independent as a hog on ice.
I am glad my friends have me to talk to about their situation. As we all know, uninvolved family members and friends have no clue. At the same time I think it also increases the heaviness of the weight on your mind.
So I try to do the best I can. Very thankful for the help I get from my sister. I have another sister who is retiring at the end of December and I’m hopeful that maybe she’ll be able to help too. I heard her tell someone she was going to when she retired, which kind of surprised me . I’m not sure if she can deal with my mom. If she can, that will help a lot. Regardless, I’m the one that my mom is always gonna call anytime if Something Happens, so I still never really feel like I have a day away from it. If it’s something that doesn’t need taken care of right away, I try to get a hold of my sister to deal with it if she can. The sister helping me now though has many health problems herself and I don’t want to make the load for her heavier than need be.
Know you are dealing with this alone and there may be more days where you just need to take a break and get away. I know that’s easier said than done because even on my days off it’s still always there. You’re never really free from it. My sisters help does allow me though to get more stuff done at the house which I’m thankful for.
Think another thing is we do things to try and please them, but nothing really pleases them long-term. While something will for just a very fleeting moment, I would like for her to appreciate it long term. I know that my mom is probably not capable, so I have to accept that most of the things that I do are more for myself than for her.
thank you for the hug and listening, I’m sending a soft hug back to you
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JeriLynn and Mint, So sorry for what you are dealing with. You are doing a great job. Sometimes it may not seem like enough, but you are doing your best. Minds that don't think right due to dementia just make it so much more frustating. Then, the SNF situation….oh my. How can that be? The DON needs to know about this. This isn't right. Humans should be treated better and their dignity maintained.
Lorita, did they find the 81 y.o. man in Barnsdall? So much tragedy with these severe storms. Some of the stories they show on the news just break your ♥️. And then there are the ones not featured on the news, the houses that people can no longer live in. And the mature trees severely damaged. All the $$$ needed to restore the property.
Ron, your bride is so beautiful and you are handsome. I love your wedding photo. I'm praying for both of you, and for all on here experiencing issues (guess that would be all of us, right?).
David, hope you are doing well. Glad you do not have Parkinson's.
CaroLynne, stay safe in the sunshine state. I heard there were some storms approaching the panhandle today. My sister used to live in Pensacola; now she's in Ocala. Such a beautiful place. Her former home in Pensacola area was 10 acres and they sold it in parcels. One parcel, which used to be pasture, is now a lavender farm (Cottage Lavender on FB).
Zetta, are you getting ready to sell? You had mentioned spending winters in AZ and having a smaller place in OR for summers. Still the plan? If so, what will your son do as I understand he lives in a cottage on your property?
Iris, your trip sounded fantastic. I loved seeing your pics.
Lorita, glad you and Darwin watch out for each other. Does he have kids in the area? He is going to need some help after his surgery.
HB, I don't know why you lost so many plants. My coral bells are all in shade and they do well. I have one kind of tall one with a really beautiful short one behind it; I need to move them. Sigh. Every time I walk through the garden I see more things needing done. I got behind on the weeding due to lots of clean up in the yard and garden (tornado). That is getting under control as far as what I can do. The pros need to come out and do the gutters and siding.
Yesterday I worked the soil where the big spruce tree was uprooted. Someone drove a skid loader in to get the root and there were tracks, plus holes and little "hills." More to do where there is another absent tree. Got my planting done: 28 Supertunias 'Vista Bubblegum,' an Icelandic poppy and an oriental poppy, 2 Boston ferns for the front porch, 5 tomato plants, basil, rosemary and the following seeds: zinnias, green beans, cucumbers, lupines. Garden looks really green and fresh. I have yellow peonies, yellow and purple iris and lilacs blooming now. The daffodils, tulips and bluebells are done. I'm going to thin my daffodils and dig up my tulips - they need to be replaced with new bulbs this fall.
We made homemade ice cream last weekend. Was that ever good! I made a gluten free angel food cake this week. I used a mix; had to add a dozen egg whites. Not a cheap cake to make but tasted good. I'll be making a strawberry rhubarb pie today or tomorrow for when the kids come over. I don't grow strawberries but I do have lots of rhubarb.
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Mint, I sure to understand your situation, as I am at the same point with my mother. She is 99 and won't consider leaving her home.
My daughter and I are 1 1/2 hrs away and it makes it very difficult doing other things beyond the medical appointments. When daughter goes for a "visit" there are always a bunch of things mother wants done. At times, more often lately, mother seems so ungrateful for the help she gets.
We try to remember her age and give her some slack, but some days it is just too much.
Guess we just have to hang in there and do the best we can.
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Morning, looks like a beautiful day on fap. Fed Gray Lady and got her in the paddock and raised the flag. Was going ! to feed the birds but they still have feed. Guess it's about time to quit feeding them because they're finding grass seeds.Darwin just called. He sprayed yesterday and in s going out again today.He has a big sprayer he puts in the back of his mule so doesn't really have to even get out his mule, just sprays as he goes by. He really keeps his place looking good.
Mint and JeriLynn, I hear the frustration in both of your posts. Brings back memories of when I was dealing with those things with my parents and sister. Never really had problems with their care when they were in nursing homes or MCC. I worked in social work service so knew which nursing homes gave the best care and I used one primarily. Did move daddy once because they lost part of his wheelchair. The home was close to work so could go by at different times. I admire both of you for taking such good care of your mother, Mint, and your FIL, JeriLynn. I think being away from it for even one day helped you, JeriLynn even though it was on your mind for sure.
I still think.I'll wait until tomorrow to spray because I'll have extra spray then, I hope. The poke in the prickly pear spot is shoulder high and I hope the spray kills it. I am not about to get in there. I have a rose bush at the edge and the yucca so will have to.protect those. The yucca is about half bloomed- really pretty. Got the soup made and iT turned out good so don't have to think about cooking today. I tasted it and it just needed something. Put in a little less than a tsp. Of sugar and if made all the difference - cut the acidity in the tomatoes.
Beth, as far as I know they haven't found the man in Barnsdall. He lived by a creek and as high as Creeks got was probably washed away.
I'll stop and finish my juice. Hope the day turns out well for everyone. Ron,enjoy your visit with Lou.
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Beth, forgot to answer your question. Darwin has a daughter over in the edge of Arkansas and another one closer. When he wss in the hospital a few years ago one stayed with his wife. Imagine it will. be the same this time. I have no idea what the recovery time is. His PCP(we go to the same one) knows the doctor who will do the surgery and assured him he is very good. That made him feel much better.
TV is showing a chiropractor working on a giraffe's neck. He works on humans and all animals. Interesting-the giraffe was enjoying it.
Beth, I bet that yellow peony is gorgeous! Have never seen one.
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here…
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Sitting in the car about to go see Lou. It's hard to see her like she is and need to adjust myself for when I get her home. Just feeling sorry for myself today!
Ron
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Perhaps it is harder on the caregiver.
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Think last year in the flooding in eastern Kentucky there was two people missing. I’m not sure if they ever found either of them either or not. It got so you really couldn’t follow it. Would really be hard for the families..
Beth, I think it would be all of us. I know you have your hands full right now for sure. Angel food cake with strawberries on top is one of my favorite desserts.
Marie, a good friend of mine, His mother is 80 and lives alone on a farm. The yard is like three or 4 acres and they have a huge pond. She’s no longer able to mow so either him or a sister-in-law mow it. Now they’re having trouble with the lawnmower, but she always wants to make all the decisions and sometimes it’s not the easiest for her son. She also expects him to do all the maintaining that pond requires. She still wants to have someone to make the hay and then he has to deal with selling the hay. She’s also not willing to give anyone POA. Now she may well have a major physical problem as well as her dementia. So now it’s really starting to stress my friend. Compared to all of that I feel I have it pretty easy. Also my mom is not 90 minutes away like yours.
My other friend her mother and dad are both mentally declining. Her mother has macular degeneration and is quickly losing more and more of her eyesight. She could not see me when I went to see her in the hospital Sunday, I had to tell her who I was. My friend has tried to talk to them about making someone POA, and of course they will not hear of it she still has to work and she is very stressed out. I told her only thing I could tell her and I know it’s easier said than done is you just have to wait for the shoe to drop and when it does look at them and say, what would you like to do? oh my. I believe her mom is probably going to end up in a nursing home. If she isn’t there already. This evening I plan on trying to find out. And what happens then I don’t know. I’m just going to find out because I will try to go and visit her. She is the one I’ve called twice a week for years basically so she has some socialization and i have always liked her parents.J is also starting to get worse. The last two weeks I’ve been there, She’s been talking to me about people there are trying to get ready to kill her. This was an issue with her before she went into the facility but she’s been there several years now, and I had not seen it again until now. And of course, yesterday she even mentioned that she thought her son who cares for her is in on it. I told her that her son was very good to her but I’m sure it won’t change her mind. It’s just terrible seeing people live like that and such fear, to them it is real.
Isn’t it nice Lorita when lunch is already cooked.
Ron think Judith may be right. Im so very sorry.
thank you for letting me talk today as you can see a lot going on
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Beth, the Cottage Lavender is beautiful! I love lavender and have tried to grow a few times without success 😪
Mint and Jeriynn I can so relate to what you are going through. I am physically and mentally exhausted; caregiving is taking its toll on me. I pray for all of us.
Ron I hope you have a great visit with Lou.
Love to all porch friends. xo
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I'm up. I didn't sleep well, so I'm still a bit tired. BBL. (be back later)
Iris
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So sad that people have to go through these things. The stories you all told are bringing back memories. Mint, Charles and I went through what your friend is dealing with, with my mother thinking people, including us, were trying to kill her. She left home at night and it wasn't until noon the next day we found her wrapped upside down, in a barbed wire fence, a mile from home. We got her to the hospital and that's when it began.
I can empathize with so much of what people go through dealing with loved ones and friends with dementia. We have to deal with these things and later they're pushed back in our memory until something brings them forth, then we tend to relive them.
My mother was a very strong lady, able to deal with anything including working in the fields with daddy and everything in between and to see her thinking those things was/is heartbreaking. Then I saw it happen with my sister which was almost too much to deal with. Thank God for Sarah and Todd having to deal with taking care of her and getting her to safety.
We should be thankful for each day that we're able to get out of bed and be able to deal with what the day brings. And, I know all of us are. We really can't imagine what people with dementia goes through. Scarlet worried that she might be destined to have alz since her grandmother and mother both had it. MS happened to her instead. I'll stop.now and try to gather my emotion and stop crying. Sandy, I see what you mean.
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Glad you are back in y our own bed, Iris. I will now mention that I was surprised that your trip to TX/OK was in the month of May which is commony know as "tornado month". OK averages 66 per year and TX 87 per year.
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FIL could not engage at all today. They started him on Depakote Monday evening. Today he was having extrapyramidal effects of the medication. Arms straight out, gripping nothing in midair, face contorting. Spoke with the Nurse Practitioner who has discontinued the Depakote, changed the opiate pain med to Tylenol Extra Strength and now we just wait for the meds to clear his system and hope for sooner rather than later.
DH is out on the mower and I am home now to finish cleaning out my closets. I'm ready for just 1 thing to be within my control and this is the thing today. Deep sigh.
Didn't have time to shop for Mother's Day gifts for all my girls so I've sent Amazon Gift Cards by text message. It's so quiet not having a dog in the house.
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Visit didn't go well! They had to wake Lou up at 5 to draw lab and she slept during my visit time. I'm so looking forward to having her home. I know it will be different, but I want to hold her until the last moment. I love my wife and miss her so much!!
Ron
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Im so very sorry Ron. Know the days and nights are pretty long right now.
Lorita Im sorry did not mean to make you sad. Hopefully that is out of my system for a long time.
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Hello Porch Friends,
JeriLynn, Iam so sorry about you little dog, you just love them so much it's really hard when their time comes. I know how you must feel when you see your FIL in conditions you think could be better. When my DH was in MC so many times, he had cloths on that were not his, so I never took new things down to him. His room was always clean he was always clean he got the best of care, so I smiled when I saw things like that. It didn't bother him, and that was all that counted. Try not to let yourself get stressed.
Ron, The picture of you and Lou is so sweet. Please get all the rest you can she will be home soon and hopefully her meds have been adjusted enough for her to be easier to take care of. Im sure she will be so glad to get home, you did the right thing by getting her the care she needed.
Beth, thanks for asking, yes Iam going to sell my place and move to Arizona. I have been so busy with the realtor; they are asking more than I thought I would get, and I don't plan on letting it go for anything less. She was out here yesterday and told me a home just like mine sold in 10 days. I said WOOW Iam don't want to move in 10 days. They are coming out here next week to take picture so they can be posted. Right now, I have been getting rid of as much stuff as I can. My son who lives in the cabin out back will be moving to a 2-bedroom apartment in Bend, Oregon that is about 20 miles from us. My name will also be on the lease, but I will be in Arizona most of the time and have a place to come to visit him. I will keep a lot of my stuff in my bedroom at the apartment. My 3 fur babies will be with me, Molly, Sammy and Emmy.
You all have been in my prayers, and will continue to be there, hopefully the storms pass soon.
Take care all, Hugs Zetta
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I'm so sorry, JeriLynn. Maybe tomorrow or the day after will be be better.
No worries, Mint. I'm fine now. Just brought back that memory. You needed to get it out of your system. That's most of the reason for this thread- to share our feelings and thoughts so we can be better.
Beth, I know with your big garden you've dealt with poison ivy. Somehow it has gotten into the area where I have wild violets and is even growing up the elm tree trunk. No idea how it got there. I hate to spray it with something that will Kill the violets - some are huge with leaves nearly as big as my hand. Do you have a good way to get rid of it?
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Lorita… I think it would help if you make a final post with date and time in the post then start anew post with date and time in the poswt
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Willl see if it will work. We now have three going. No idea how 192 got in. Just posting this time to remind everyone to look for the northern lights tonight and the next two. Supposed to be the best between 10 p.m. and 2 a.m.
FedEx delivered my.vinegar and Round Up. Hopefully it won't be too windy tomorrow and I can spray the weeds in the lot.
I'm going to try the vinegar on the poison ivy first.. Hate to kill my violets. I mIght be able to move those big violets without getting poison ivy. I remember when I was working I took a walk on my break and found the prettiest red vine. Guess it was autumn. Took it back to the office and showed one of our social workers. She told me it was poison ivy and to throw it away and wash my hands really well, without soap which would spread it. It worked- didn't get a rash.
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How to Get Rid of Poison Ivy on Your Property
- Pulling poison ivy by (gloved) hand is probably the most effective method for removal, but requires direct contact with the plant and extreme care should be taken before disturbing the plants and their roots. Larger roots may require some digging.
- Smother the plants by placing a sheet of heavy cardboard, plastic or rubber over the invaded area. This strategy is effective for killing plants, but watch for “runners,” roots that will reach beyond the edges of the covered area to sprout.
- Use a natural spray. Dissolve one cup salt in a gallon of water and add a tablespoon of dish soap to create a solution that can be sprayed on poison ivy. While this method of killing poison ivy is effective in the short run, it will probably require future treatments to keep the ivy at bay. Spraying distilled white vinegar on the plants is another common treatment usually requiring multiple treatments for eradication. But use this strategy with care. Neighboring plants may be damaged if your poison ivy-fighting spray makes contact.
- Douse with boiling water. Poured over the roots, boiling hot water will also kill invasive poison ivy, but it may take several tries to completely destroy hidden roots.
- Herbicides are effective against poison ivy, but may require an increased concentration. Consult manu-
- facturer instructions. Natural treatment is preferable, but these commercial herbicides will get the job done. Use judiciously.
- Whatever strategy you take against poison ivy, seal plant remains in a bag and dispose off-site. Burning poison ivy can result in severe eye irritation and possible respiratory damage and composting may result in accidental contact down the line.
- All clothing and tools should be immediately washed after contact with poison ivy. Urushiol, the oily allergen in the plant, can remain active for months or even years. Future contact with improperly cleaned materials may result in the same rashes caused by the live plant. Use a degreaser, alcohol or vinegar to thoroughly remove the persistent oil.
I heard in the past that if you are exposed to poison ivy, take a cooler shower and use Dawn dish soap. It did work for me. Also, you need to wash your clothes.
1 - Pulling poison ivy by (gloved) hand is probably the most effective method for removal, but requires direct contact with the plant and extreme care should be taken before disturbing the plants and their roots. Larger roots may require some digging.
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I'm sorry that SIL died.The one good thing is that my niece came for the funeral is that I haven't seen her for several years ( she lives in North Carolina)and we got caught up on what's been going on in her in her life.
This is going sound weird but may SIL is my SIL the 2nd time she had been my SIL. She was married to my late wife's brother and when he died and when my brother's wife died they started dating and were married 6 and now he is a widower a second ti.e
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Judith, we didn't know about tornado month. I came home with a sore throat and cough and runny nose and teary eyes, but no fever, started on Wednesday. I must have picked up a virus from the airport or in the airplanes, because I have not been around people since I got back. I did a home Covid test, negative, so it's a run of the mill common cold. I'm resting.
Iris
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Just wanted to end the day on a (somewhat) brighter note. My two newest chickens are white silkies - named Hoochie and Mama. The big older hen, Bertha, got after them when I turned them out for the first time. So, I grabbed the portable crate, shooed Bertha into the corner with the fly swatter and trapped her in the pen. Then I scolded her fiercely - I was just a preachin'!!! Of course, I was out there in my robe which by now was gaping open, only to look up to see my DH sipping coffee while laughing hysterically trying not to choke…
Also, I did not freak out at the snake that slithered out of the flower bed I was weeding. Nor did I squeal at the mouse that ran between my feet out by the chicken house. Tomorrow morning, I plan to wear clothes for my adventures. LOL
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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