Argumentative

aloe

Hi new here my mom has had dementia for 2 years she thinks she can do whatever she want .she cancels dr appointments when she knows they Important and she argues with me she not going she does have other health issues I don't know how to help her understand how to get her to go without a argument

H1235

You will probably not convince her of the need to go to the doctor! She can not be reasoned with. She is not capable. Anosognosia is common with dementia and is a lack of understanding their illness and limitations. So you work around the situation. Is she still living in her home? I’m not sure that’s a good idea. My mom thought if she could push a walker she could mow the lawn. The anosognosia has caused more problems than anything else for my mom. How do you not argue? It’s tough. It’s normal to try to persuade when facing a conflicting opinion. First of all if it doesn’t matter she is just right. The movie star she thinks is still alive, just not worth it. Bigger things get more complicated. Can you take her ability to cancel the appointment away. Change the doctors contact to you. Get rid of anything that has the doctors phone number on it. I hope you have durable power of attorney and medical power of attorney. If not these things are a big priority! As far as actually getting her to the appointment some have suggested telling her it’s required for insurance purposes and she may loose her insurance without the visit. I would make up whatever story you think she will buy into. (Therapeutic fib) I would not tell her about the appointment and give her days to stew over it. She doesn’t need to know in advance. Take her to lunch and then to the doctor. The doctor also needs to know what is going on. If you can get access to the patient portal that is a great way to tell the doctor what is happening or a letter brought into the office the day before the appointment. Bringing things up at the appointment will only cause her to argue and get mad. My mom just told the doctor I had done some pretty awful things. It was so hard not to defend myself, but I know I can’t argue with her. I will always loose and she will just get upset. I hope there is something here that is useful. Good luck.

SusanB-dil

Hi aloe - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

I agree what's been posted. You don't tell her. I do like the idea - go to lunch and then the doctor. You can also tell her she's 'going with you for your appt'. A lot of us do use 'It is for insurance purposes'.

DPOA and HIPPA accesses are important. If you don't have HIPPA, you can still tell the doc your concerns, they just won't be able to respond back. You can also hand them a note upon the visit.

If she is able to cancel appointments, please watch that she is protected from scammers as well. MIL never did use a computer, but perhaps you could change the passwords? We shut the ringers off on the phone. If she does pick it up (not so much any longer), she had a dial-tone, so she knew the phone works, but scammers couldn't ring-through. The few calls she would get have to go through DH cellphone now, and those folks are close enough (her sister, for example) to know the situation.

mabelgirl

There are some healthcare plans that allow for a nurse practitioner to come to the home and assess the PWD on a regular basis. My mom has always a tendency to start arguments. Now with dementia it’s worse. She will say she doesn’t see why she has to go to see the doctor so often, but I play to her need to be pampered and try to make it all about her. Like I’ll say “didn’t you want to speak to the dr about your back” or something like that. Once it’s about her need she generally goes along but does complain the whole ride there. Sometimes when she sees the doctor she is still annoyed but other times she clearly enjoys the attention. I also write a note to the dr beforehand of any updates.