Need help for my mom

lucyroy2

My step father is caring for my mom who is quite advanced, she doesn’t really get any interaction with anyone, they live in a small town in Nevada so not many resources there. My step dad is slowly losing it with my mom, short fuse and all, he wants to put her in a State home but mom still recognizes everyone , just has a hard time speaking, she was bilingual Russian and English but now she just speaks in Russian and makes no sense and my step dad does not speak a word of Russian.
My father is a veteran and on a budget so can’t afford to hire someone to come help him , what are our options? I am not near them,y sister and I live in a different State and it’s very difficult to get to them to offer help.
Ultimately, we are trying to convince my dad to see about bringing someone professional to help him rather than placing mom in a home where she will get worse . Thank you for listening

Quilting brings calm

Did your dad serve during war time? There are some benefits for spouses in that case. I’d contact the VFW ( veterans of foreign wars) in a town close to him. My step-dad was in contact with a representative from the local VFW, who was helping him fill out an application to see if his illnesses could be marked as service connected.

M1

welcome to the forum. Unfortunately she will get worse, regardless, and placement in a facility will not necessarily hasten that. It may in fact be the best option, home care is expensive (count on at least $35 per hour) and hard to find in rural areas. Does he have power of attorney for her, and has he consulted an elder law attorney about getting her qualified for Medicaid? Private memory care is also expensive, probably 8-10,000 per month. I am sorry it is all so difficult.

harshedbuzz

@lucyroy2

I am sorry you are dealing with this.

It sounds as if your stepfather has reached his limit in caregiving. Do you have a Plan B in place is the event he become incapacitated or is one of the 1/3 of caregivers who died before their LO does?

Given the distance, you may not be fully aware of the toll of day-to-day of dementia care and realistically speaking, neither you nor your sister can offer the help he needs.

If they don't have much money, residential Medicaid is likely their safety net for care in a facility. Since he is still alive, she wouldn't qualify for Aid & Attendance benefits as that's for war-era vets and their widows/widowers. Finding care in a small town can be challenging even if he can afford it. Many agencies require a 12-15 hour/week minimum.

One caveat— dementia is a terminal and progressive condition. She's going to get worse regardless of where she lives.

HB

H1235

He has taken on an incredibly difficult task in caring for your mom. It sounds like he is at his limit. I think you should support him. If he doesn’t feel up to it and is over his head then she may not be getting the care she needs. He will probably need your help looking into the VA benefits QBC talked about and help filing for Medicaid. These things can be complicated if he is older, frazzled because of things with your mom and probably tied down and unable to leave her. There is a lot to think about. Would he consider moving to a town that will give her more care options? He needs your help!

cdgbdr

Is there an Area Agency on Aging in the area? They might be able to help. We have those in Ohio. I'm sorry if there's no equivalent in their area.