Just need to talk to my friends (200)
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Good for you Ron, go and have fun.
Lorita we've got football to watch today. Our Chief's don't play until Monday night.
Very very humid, misty here. Quite a change from the 90's earlier in the week. We have rain in the forecast, it feels like it could rain, I hope it does. We need a nice slow steady rain.
I need to attempt to vacuum before I sit down for football. Back later to check on everyone.
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Eagle with your stings if in a week or so they reflare up return for care. This happened to me last year after getting 10 yellow jacket stings. You will need to take steroids for a few days if that happens. If you don't you will get like a systemic reaction.
My sister and I visited Salem when we were young, we enjoyed it.
I know the money bleeding feeling right now also.
Lorita glad there was a kind man who helped you. That is wonderful. Hope you got your butter beans cooked.
Now I have time to talk. My mom is now in assisted living. In the hospital, at some point the case manager contacted me and said my mom would need to go into long-term care. They asked me if I had choices and I gave them three. When we went to the first appointment as soon as we started talking to the lady, she was pretty defensive for lack of a better word. She immediately told us they were not accepting our mother because of her dementia and her noncompliance issues. My mom still does not have a dementia diagnosis but of course she is noncompliant. It was a little disappointing, but at the same time we felt like our eyes were opened a bit about some things. So I contacted the case manager and told her I could see we really couldn't pick so whoever she got to we would have to accept. She then told me she was going to give me name of someone who could help me.
she gave me a number for a lady who runs a franchise called Carepatrol. She helps you with getting people placed and normally she mainly works with people who are still at home. But she also will work with people who are in the hospital. She was definitely a wealth of information and a breath of fresh air. She immediately told us that we could get our mother placed in assisted-living, and I never dreamed that we could. She said there are two assisted living facilities in our community that take patients who need higher levels of care. Of course, that being said you pay much more money also based on the level of care they need.
the hospitalist that we had when my mom was there got it from our initial meeting with her. We didn’t have to tell her she knew. She told us I have your back. So if you remember, I told you that it’s my mom’s left foot that has all the fractures, but on the second day she started complaining of her right leg and not moving it. So when I asked her what she thought was going on with my mom’s right leg, she says I believe she’s making it up. So I sort of laughed and said OK. But when she left, I said to my sister I’m not sure she’s right about that but time will tell. A few days after that we were in the room with her and she was examining mom and my mom was doing her thing and she looked at my sister and says drama.
she called in a Neuro consult and a psychiatric consult for us. The neurologist got a brain MRI. Of course he would not give her any dementia label because he said the diagnosis of dementia needed to be done on an outpatient basis when they’re at their baseline, I understand that. What he did say is she had a lot of multi vascular changes in brain which can cause vascular dementia. So she doesn’t truly have a dementia diagnosis yet but as I said at the long-term care facility, they mentioned dementia and noncompliance as their concern.
when the psychiatrist came in, we were not in the room. So we just waited outside the room. She was only called in it turns out to determine whether my mother was medically competent to make her own healthcare decisions. When she came out, she told us that today she could not say that my mom was medically incompetent to make her own healthcare decisions. That kind of sent my sister into a little tirade about what all we’ve been having challenges with. Then psychiatrist says , that decision is just for today if your mom is discharged and she still isn’t walking and she refuses to go somewhere then I can say she is incompetent to make her own healthcare decisions. I even like restated it and said do I understand right and she told me yes. So I was counting on that because I thought she was honest and I could trust her word.
with the lady from Carepatrols help we went and visited two facilities and she went with us at each one. They both were nice enough one was $2000 more a month than the other. So we chose the less expensive one but when the nursing Director came to evaluate my mom, my mom was a little spun up. And actually, she had not been that way this admission she had been fairly calm, she complemented the nurses, but was totally uncooperative with doing any thing she was supposed to do. So this lady says we cannot take her if she’s acting like this. That was a little disappointing because the lady we were working with said they took harder to care for patients . So I told the lady I said well I think you know this isn’t going to work. I said wherever my mom goes I don’t want someone calling me in a couple of weeks saying we can’t care for her. That is the reason we were very upfront with them about all my mothers issues . The lady that was working with us told us the other facility is more to take harder cases. When their nursing Director came, they had a very good conversation with my mom as you can have with her and there was no acting out what so ever. So they accepted her. But that was sort of only the beginning of the battle.
at some point during all the above the hospitalist was talking to us about our mom and she said your mom has a personality disorder and she’s having delusions. My sister who was a psych nurse in her past told me that mom has narcissistic personality disorder quite a while ago and was having delusions. I looked into it and I told my sister you could well be right. I thanked her for telling us because that helps me to not feel like I’m biased or that truly the things I think I am seeing, I am seeing. One day just as I came in when I went to mom’s room, the NP with the podiatrist walked out of the room. As soon as she seen me, she recognized me from working there. She says to me I know what you’re going through. I have dealt with this too. She said my mom was also delusional in the same manner. She told me it is very hard for me to go into your mothers room. I told her I was so thankful that she talk to me about this and it turns out actually she had it way worse than I did. She is a young girl and I could tell that it affected her much more than it affected me because I think she had to deal with it at a much younger age and it was much more intense even. I said to her I try to have grace because I don’t know what causes it, and I don’t know if they have any control over it, so therefore I leave it in Gods hands. She had already told me she was a believer, so I hope maybe that will help her somewhere down the line to be a little more at peace as she helped me to be a little more at peace because she recognized it. I told her sometimes very hard to talk about because you’re afraid you will be judged. With this condition, my mom has I just read a little while ago how manipulative they can be. I have dealt with a lot of manipulation and I worried that maybe I would make the wrong call about it being manipulation. But this week has helped me to see that I was thinking correctly and that I wasn’t being biased or hard on my mom because I was tired and burnt out .
On day of discharge my sister was in room when psychiatrist came in. She said mom gave her usual answers and psychiatrist confronted her about her answers. Then she was not going to change it to medically incompetent to make decision.. my sister questioned her about it and in no uncertain terms told her we would not be taking her home. Sister said I don't what case manager thought. I said she oribably was happy and saying you go girl. Turns out she was. Psychiatrist then changed it and said patient delusional and unable.
So far my mom is doing ok. We are staying away until monday.
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Mint, my goodness all you and your sister have been going through. I can empathize because it was pretty much the same when I was dealing with my sister. She was noncompliant and at times combative. I tried two or three places for long term care and, as with your mother, after the interview they refused to take her.. I finally contacted A Place for Mom. She was just a few.hours from being discharged when they found a place for her. All.of this in the same day.
After placement when.I would call to.check on her, I could hear her yelling in the background. She would yell at visitors to get.out of her house and try to slip outside. They resorted to rubbing Ativan on her arms to calm her. She refused medication and they couldn't force her. It all turned out all right when she adjusted to the placement but if was nip and tuck for a while.
Good luck to you. I hope this works out for you all. You have been dealing with this for a long time and you need some peace and rest. You and your sister and mother will be in my.prayers tonight, as you always are. Thanks for sharing your load with us. I know it helps to do so.
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Mint, I know this is late, but you might ask the psychiatrist if your mom could have borderline personality disorder. It's very challenging.
Iris
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The hospitalist told she has a personality disorder. My sister who was a psych nurse says my mom has narcisstic personality disorder. If you look up it is pretty much her. Love my mom and miss talking to her even though we could not have a conversation. It breaks my heart as it does all others here going through this
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FYI for anyone who might have missed it…M1's dear LO died this morning after suffering another fall. Can be found in comment titled…the other shoe has dropped.
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Thank you Marie
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Hello, my wife spent the day trying to get the new modum to connect the T.V. and all our electronics the 2 laptops,to cell phones and tablets (she is the computer expert). She was able to fix everything except her laptop so she went to the GEEK SQUARD yo fix it and they will call when it's ready.
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Mint, you, your sister and you dear mom are in my prayers. You must be exhausted; please take good care of yourself.
HB, how's your mom? Iris glad you are feeling better.
Every day that passes I miss my LO more and more; I can't go into his room without losing it. My house is a mess, I'm a mess and just go through the motions of living. I left the house for the first time a couple of days ago and that was because I needed to take care of banking and legal stuff.
Through all my grief and sadness, I'm sure my LO sent me a message. My son surprised me with a kitten (I think to help me through the grief), I named her after my LO (his name could be male or female). A day or two later I asked what her date of birth was. When he told me I knew it was my LO because they share the same birth date. There are signs everywhere, we just need to be open to them.
It's been a while since I've had a kitten and I have a question for my fellow kitty owners. My son brought the kitty to me today; she's about 8 weeks old. She took off as soon as I let her out of her carrier. I can't find her anywhere! Is there something I can do to entice her to come out? Putting out food did not help. I'm ready to have a panic attack!
To all my friends on the porch, I hope you are well. xo
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Here's a pic of the new addition to my family:
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Marie, I am so very sorry for your loss. I saw the title to the thread but was busy and didn't read it. Take care of yourself and rest. Keep in good touch with us.
Caro Lynn, don't worry about your house. Whatever needs to be done can wait. Glad you got the kitty. You might leave the carrier open on the floor with food and water in it. He:s scared but will settle out. That baby is gorgeous
I believe our loved ones come back to us occasionally. The morning after I lost Charles I was in the bathroom getting ready to meet with the cemetery man and I heard him call me, plain as day. Even after almost ten years I still dream of him almost every night - wonderful, sweet dreams.
It takes a while to get over the shock of your loss- if we ever do. I was still feeding and caring for the cattle so didn't have much down time.but the house and myself were a mess, too. You need to rest and enjoy that new baby. It will mean so much to you to have him, or her. I had Barclee, our Shih Tzu and an outside dog. and was lucky enough to get Sheena a Couple of months later and Stormy the next month. They were all lifesavers for me. Stay with us.
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Just cam in from filling the water tank for the second or third time and stumped my toe on a rock and almost fell. Darn rock, anyway.
Mint, I stopped at the post.office to mail a pkg. And my ballot so had my hands full. A man in a feed truck was going in and saw me get.our of the car so waited and held the door open for me and even opened the inside door for me. Much appreciated.
Had a good conversation today with one of the South African men working for Mike. We worked on two gates and visited a bit. He has the nicest accent. Mike says both of them are the best workers he has ever had. Glad they will be around this winter. He says he likes Oklahoma and working with the girls. He was moving hay rings and creep feeders and feeding hay. My girls are happy tonight. Weather is on and the rain is close. Probably raining on Judith now.
Voted for Edmondson, Judith. Wonder if he is related to Howard. One of our social work students was married to the Edmondson who ran for some office a couple of years ago, can remember his name.
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Caro Lynne, I rescued a small kitten and brought it to my home and it immediately hid under the furniture. I just put out food and water near where I last saw her. I could tell that she used the litter box that I had for my other cats. After a few days, she began to peek out. She began to come close to me and I could begin to pet her. After a few more days she wanted me to pick her up. By this time, I had located her guardians, and returned her to them. You might use a feather wand to attract her attention, or a laser pointer. Play with her, she will feel comfortable with you. Is this a Scottish Fold cat?
Iris
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We had a pretty good Halloween. Our scarecrow won a prize. The judges could see that it was outstanding in the field ;)
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Mint, I'm thinking of you and praying for you and your family.
I read about M1 losing his partner and have been sitting here thinking of each of you. Life's just hard sometimes.
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Good morning
I appreciate prayer.
Carl if you are able maybe you can share a picture of your scarecrow. I like scarecrows, have 3 in my living room.
Lorita it is a good feeling when someone helps us out, when someone lightens our load.
Caro-Lynne your cat is beautiful. When you talk about going through the motions of living, you helped me to realize that is part of what im feeling right now.
Take care everyone
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Good morning all!
Iris, yes she is a Scottish fold, and thanks for calming my nerves about not finding her. I put out food for her and she ate it overnight so I know she's still alive. This morning I heard her meows and finally found her behind the piano, I didn't think she would fit there since the piano is so close to the wall. She's moved on to behind the sofa now, at least I know where she is.
Lorita, there are still good people out there and I believe kind hearted people attract kind hearted people. It's so much easier to show kindness; I'd rather be kind than right. You're right Lorita, I'm not going to worry about my messy house. I'll do a little at a time. Thanks for the kind words.
Mint, you and the family are in my prayers. You are fortunate to have your sister close by and have each other to support one another.
HB, how's your mom doing at home? Haven't seen a post.
Yes Carl, would love to see a picture.
Wishing all the rockers a peaceful Sunday xo
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Good morning to those on the porch.
Marie— Thank you for the heads up about M1's partner. Theirs has been such an unusually traumatic journey.
Mint— Dear Lord, what a couple of days you and your sister have had. It sounds as if you have prevailed and gotten your mom into a safe setting. Strong work on your parts; I'm sorry it wasn't easier.
I'm glad you were validated on the personality disorder piece. Between mom's family and dad's we pretty much have the DSM-5 covered. Dad was next level but never diagnosed. He must;ve been something else because as a five-year-old, his stepfather's dad took dad to a series of psychiatrists and faith healers in the early 1940s. A friend who is a clinical psychologist things high functioning sociopath but dad's geripsych was more comfortable with bi-polar disorder based on family history.
David— I hope Geek Squad is able to sort out your DW's tech issue. IME, they're like wizards. I'm a little salty on Best Buy at the moment. Their phone dudes made a mistake migrating DS's phone number and when DS tried to call to ask a question their customer service person refused to connect him and hung up on him. Not cool.
Lorita— Good on you getting your ballot in the mail. I agree, the South African accent is agreeable. DS used to attend a summer camp where a number of the counselors and water instructors were from there. DS came home with a hint of the accent himself.
Carolynn— A Scottish Fold, no? What a cute baby. When DH and I decided to get married, he was in the middle of buying a house and had no money for a ring, so he got me a Persian kitten instead. I was so disappointed when he slipped under the bed as soon as we got him home. On the third night, I felt a little thump in bed when he decided to join me there. Oddly, his little brother adopted a few months later came out of the box like he owned the place. He was dumb— he didn't know how to cat.
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It's a quiet day here. DH is giving DS a ride to work; I can't wait until he gets his car back. Grrr. His shift was canceled yesterday because of a bad brush fire along the right-of-way. It's been a drier summer followed by no measurable rain in 2 months and it's been breezy. I'm a little concerned about my situation— the house backs up to a 2-lane state road with a lot of traffic. Drivers sometimes pitch trash (always Dunkin' and McDonald's for some reason— we have 4 Starbies but it's never them)— a cigarette could be a disaster with the leaves. I like to leave them to breakdown in my backyard as my soil out back is terrible.
I spoke with mom's home health nurse Friday. She created a calendar page for mom's schedule and flaked filling in dates. She got as far as 11/08 and the started over with 11/01. Mom can be very distracting. I get it. She asked me what I thought of mom's progress and I said I thought she'd finally turned a corner and that what I was seeing now was more typical of her recovery from a COPD exacerbation. She'd admitted based on how poorly mom was on her intake appointment that she thought my goals and expectations might have been a little optimistic. She told me to keep advocating. FTR, mom's at 93% on room air.
I need to stop by and drop her off some soup I made. She often resorts to soup for dinner after a big lunch. Alas, prepared soup is now on her no-fly list. I made her a batch of curried green split pea soup that comes in at about 20mg of sodium a serving. I think if she hits it with enough freshly ground pepper she'll enjoy it. I may try my hand at cream of mushroom next and a batch of chili.0 -
Morning, we had rain all night and still raining. My phone went off about 4:30 so turned on the tv-:I have one in the bedroom now! Our weatherman was showing the radar and warning of wind damage and possible tornados. When I got up the generator was on so power was out. Darwin called to see if everything was all right. He had wind damage ; some shingles and siding off and the little steeple thing on top of his huge equipment barn had blown off. Also the big doors on his barn had blown off the bottom tracks still up though. I haven't seen any damage here but haven't checked our back barn doors. We don't know if it was straight winds or a little funnel.
Mint and HB, hope your mothers are doing better this morning.
Ron, how was the dance last night?
Carolynn, glad you located the kitten. I worry when I don't know where all of mine are.
Eagle, looks like the Sooner straightened up yesterday and played like they should. Haven't checked to see who plays today but am looking forward to the Chiefs and Bucs. Will be interesting to see the match up between Mahomes and Mayfield. Do not recall them ever playing each.other before.
It's getting darker and thundering so guess more rain. Supposed to rain through tomorrow.
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Went to Church first time I broke my ankle and it felt good.
Got a call that my wife's laptop is ready so after lunch we will go get it
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The much need rain arrived and will be with us off and on for several days. Tornados were south of town.
No Ballot yet!
Ron…how was the social gathering?
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Judith, are you waiting for mail-in ballot? Have you verified that you are registered? Strange things have been happening. Seems like they are cutting it close for mail-in ballot. I received mine weeks ago and mailed in straight away.
Yes Ron, we're eager to hear how the social went. xo
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HB, I love split pea soup although I haven't had any in a long time. I wonder why peas are split?
CaroLynne,if you don't have a feather wand, you can use a thick string or rope as a toy to attract the kitten.
Iris
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Our absentee ballots have to.be into the Election Board by 7 p.m. election day. It took almost a week to get mine. Mailed it in yesterday in a town 12 miles from on the Board so it will get there tomorrow. I will be glad when this is over, maybe. When did you request your absentee ballot, Judith?
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Yes, thank you Iris. I got a feather stick and laser pointer and they worked! She's venturing out from behind the furniture. I would have never thought that a kitten would be such a distraction from my grief, even my two chi's are accepting her. My LO would have loved her xo
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Caro Lynne, I would have bren.lost without my cats and dogs, then and still now. I talk to all of them and I believe they know what I say. Glad your kitten is venturing out. He will be just fine in a day or two. How old is he?
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I have always voted in person with drivers license. I hope I do not have to stand in line and fill in a provisional ballot!!!!!
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There is a tracker for absentee ballots. It says I have not applied so I guess I will load up my rollator Tuesday. at least I can sit on it in line…lol
Tornado watch until 8p. A more serious watch for Lorita.
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We always vote in person
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Sprinkles and heavy thunder. Seems to.be just south of us, by sound and radar. Looks there's a lot west.of you, Judith.
If the election board is fairly close to you, maybe you could go by there and get your ballot. Would beat standing in line.
It looks like the bad weather will be east.of us by Tuesday. I was going to go out and check the water tank and rain gauge but probably not a good idea with the storm closeby. Sheena is very nervous. Thunder scares her.
Darwin said when the wind was doing all the damage, it was really.loud and scary. His wife slept through it which is really good. He lives a mile east of us and many times the amount of rain we get is quite different.
Don't think I mentioned it but I bought a huge pot of mums, a third yellow, a third bronze and the last third purple. They are small flowers, about 2" across. Sat them in the sun and they bloomed and were beautiful and full. Moved them to the front steps and two nights ago something ate most of the yellow ones. They were in a pretty talll pot and I put them in anorher pot about 18" tall. No idea what it could have been. Put them.in the porch swing this morning. I think I will plant them in a few days and see if they will bloom next year.
Thunder has just about stopped.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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