Not taking it well...

Kachenka

Hi, I am totally new to this...writing and my husband behavior. I also have a hard time with sharing about our life but my daughter told me...mom find some group for your self I can't help you. My husband developed sings of dementia last year in february which we didn't noticed right away. It has been getting slowly progressing and now he is obsessed with sex. Hope I can find someone who may understand my nightmare because that's what is coming to be very soon.
There, is other difficulty I have to deal with, does not want to take shower, does not have any appetite, does not want to walk...he wants to sit all day and watch YouTube, and more.
Now I feel like a complainer but it somehow helps a little to find someone there with similar distress

midge333

Welcome. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. It sounds like your husband my be further along than you realize. He needs a medical evaluation for dementia. You also need to get your legal affairs in order ASAP. You need durable POA and healthcare POA.

harshedbuzz

You are describing moderate to late stage behaviors. If he hasn't been diagnosed, that needs to happen.

The obsession with sex is not uncommon. There are medications which may help to tamp that down.

HB

addy103

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/71625/not-taking-it-well

My husband was diagnosed with Alzhemiers two years ago and his first symptoms were behavioral. He became obsessed with sex. He also became jealous and paranoid. Went they just kept increasing the meds to control his behavior, but eventually he became aggressive and I had to place him in MC. It was a heart wrenching decision, but it was the right decision. Does he have a Nuerologist?

BPS

I understand you not wanting to sharing about your life, I am the same way but I have slowly opened up more on here and it has been helpful. between everyone here there is a lot of experience. Now I have sherd more about my life with the people here that I probably will never meet or don't know where they live or even most of their names then I have with friends or family. You can feel free to ask questions, add comments, or just vent.

jsps139_

Hi Kachenka. My husband went through the sex obsession also. It was the absolute worse part of this journey so far, with not driving a car running a close second. His obsession lasted a few years and then stopped. He no longer mentions sex at all anymore. That was before I found this wonderful forum, so I never knew about medication to help with it. I hope you can get some meds to help with this because as you stated, it is a nightmare.

Please … never feel like a complainer on this forum. Sharing what you’re going through is exactly what this place is all about.

Biggles

Hi I too was and still am a very private person outside this forum. This is such a good platform to share, vent, even cry, I was nuts before I found this very knowledgeable and caring group. The symptoms you describe have been faced by us all at different stages and they are all horrible. I haven’t used extra drugs so far, my DH reacts so badly to most new meds but I continually look for calming and soothing ways to deal with his problems in a way that suits me which I think is important. Good luck keep venting, act on the advice that you like from this group, keep asking and importantly get him formally diagnosed and your financials into your control.

Jgirl57

Welcome Kachenka, glad you found us. Keep reading all you can . Take a deep breath …..exhale and know you are stronger than you think and will be able to tackle this one step at a time .

SDianeL

Welcome. We have all been there. Learn all you can. Read the book "The 36 Hour Day" which really helped me after my DH's diagnosis. Also Tam Cummings videos online are good. Talk to his doctor about medications for the sex drive. It's common. A Geriatric Psychiatrist is the best doctor to help him and you. Get a referral if you can. I got my husband to shower with a tip from the book. I picked 2 days a week and told him those were "our shower days" — get his shower ready for him. He may have forgotten how to shower, afraid he'll fall or doesn't like the feel of the water. It worked for my husband. Watching TV is comforting as people with dementia have anxiety. Old movies, music, documentaries. Limit news watching or shows with too much action. Keep us posted. Come here often to get info & vent.

Kachenka

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/232532#Comment_232532

Thank you soo much for your reply. We have appointment to see a specialist so I hope he will get some meds to help his obsession which is getting worst. I do come and read the posts but still not sharing much of my pain. I just feel like a complainer and should be happy my husband is here next to me….

Kachenka

Thank you for the reply..eventually I will learn to reply :-) also. I am reading all of your stories and just cry. I learned to do the shower as you suggested and its working fine as long as I get in the tub and wash him ….he is sitting in the tub on seat and I have my bathing suit and it works. I then dry him, dress him and take care of everything. It takes almost half a day and I get exhausted. But thanking God each day I am strong enough to take care of him. Yah he is watching TV all day, doctors want him to walk but he refusers. His favorite TV shows is the 2nd world war and it makes me sick sometimes. It can run all day. However I try to get him on other shows. My daughter comes each week to tell him a story and we all enjoy this. Just like he used to told he stories. Then we watch cooking on you tube. But most of the time I cant leave DH home alone because he decided once to look for tools in garage and do some work outside. I am afraid he may do something again when home alone.

My son brings us frozen homemade dinners and that helps a lot also. I love to cook and bake but sometimes DH eats and sometimes he does not even cooking his favorite meals. Just no appetite.

Thank you!!

Denise1847

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/71625/not-taking-it-well

Welcome. I am so sorry that you have to be here. This site will get you through this. Ask the doctor for meds to tamp down the hyper sexuality. This is common with certain types of Alzheimer's.

harshedbuzz

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/235399#Comment_235399

If he's watching cable TV, you can put parental controls on the channels that you don't want playing in your home. I blocked a lot of content for dad as his disease progressed because he began to internalize what was on the screen as having happened to him— storms on TWC. news stories of war, mom's crime procedurals and historical documentaries. He couldn't tell the difference between what was on the screen and what was happening to him.

The garage should have a keyed lock on it to prevent him accessing it. Ditto the basement if there are mechanicals or similar there.

He may have reached a point where a day program might be a way to engage him and get you some much needed respite.

HB

Kachenka

Thank you all very much for your support! and suggestions! My new trouble is that my husband refused to eat today because ne needs to rest up from eating!!! But he did have a yogurt in the morning and fruit for lunch and his dinner is pudding! Nothing else he won't take. Will see tomorrow.

Taking a shower would be somehow easier but now he is getting to the point that he is washing his face all the time and I have to wash his whole body which it the bathtub with the seat and both of us is very hard…he is still a big man and it gets him so tired that he has a hard time getting out and I get so worried that he falls…yas we have the wall support but that is not much helping because he wants to get out fast. Then by the time I dry and dress him a do all other hygiene I am exhausted. There has to be way to get him wash without a bathtub? p lease any idea?

His sex drive is not getting any better but worst. Her is playing with him self now few times thru the night and still wants me every morning. I am old and don't know how to respond to him so he does not get very upset. I would like to find someone who had same problem with husband.

Thank you for reading!!

Kimril9

Hi, I also have trouble with getting my husband to eat. Some days he's fine, & others he doesn't want anything I make. I'm a good cook, I get so irritated spending time cooking & then either he doesn't like it or doesn't want it. I've resorted to getting pre-made meals from Costco or Trader Joe's. Not my favorite, but at least I'm not spending a lot of time preparing them. It's just frustrating. I feel like all he does is complain sometimes. I try to have a positive attitude, but sometimes I just get so overwhelmed. My DH is in the moderate stage right now, & I know things are just going to get worse. If I'm gone from the house for what he perceives as too long, he is in a horrible mood when I get home. It just gets old. I hate to complain, I know he can't help his behavior, but sometimes he's hard to deal with.

SDianeL

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/236158#Comment_236158

were you able to get the appointment to get him medication for his sex drive? Also meds to help him sleep?

Kachenka

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/236171#Comment_236171

thank you for the idea of precooked meals…like the frozen ones? Ill try this, I am a good cook also and old feashin everything from scratch and this all gets expensive when my DH does not eat after all cooking. It just gets so hard sometimes…and I feel so guilty. He does not gets upset with me when I have to fo out without him…does not want to go with me al all any more!But I am afraid to leave him home alone.

Jazzma

I've found my DH will eat pretty much anything a 4-year old would. Macaroni and cheese with hotdogs, fish sticks with ketchup, chicken drumsticks, Campbell's chicken noodle soup, etc. Fortunately he also likes vegetables and green salad (unlike a 4-year-old) so we can balance things. He used to like to experiment with new foods, but it's back to what's comfortable from his past.

And please, don't ever berate yourself for 'complaining.' You're not whining. You're facing one of the most difficult things anyone ever does, and you don't know how long it will be or how much it will change over time. It's more than exhausting, and people who haven't been through it can't understand how hard it is. People here do understand. Let it out here. Hugs.

Chammer

I definitely don't cook as often as I used to but when I prepare a meal, we eat the first day and any left overs, I immediately pack in single serving sizes, label and date and put in the freezer. It makes it much easier to grab a single serving and warm up so there isn't any waste.