Deception but not the usual topic

has she been living with dementia for a long time? is this a new behavior for her? is she doing some eating and drinking or do you think she's basically hardly eating and drinking? seems like an intentional behavior since she is hiding the evidence or waiting until you are gone to do it. this may be way off base, but is she intentionally trying to starve herself for some reason?

Could it be she thinks she just ate and therefore thinks you are pushing her to eat more than what she needs. If she thinks you are being unreasonable by asking her to eat the food, I can see where she might hide it to avoid eating what she deems too much. It could just be her way of avoiding conflict with you. We have all heard how a person with dementia may have an age equivalent of a young child. Well, I can definitely see a young child doing something like this. At least she is not throwing the plate of food at you.

Hooch another poster (Addy) has a very similar thread. Is your mom on NAmenda or Aricept? Both of those drugs are notorious for suppressing appetite.

I’m going through the same thing with my dad. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It is hard.

That is very harsh. You may not agree with him, but I have no doubt his comments were given with best intentions. M1 is a very wise and trusted member of this online community.

Hi,

It's hard to see them just pick, especially if it's at something that used to be a favorite, isn't it?

The disease seems to change preferences about food textures and presentation, and it may be that it affects taste as well. The body's caloric needs are changing, and the disease may be interfering with her sense of fullness or hunger. There's the whole being 'lost in time' thing as well, because there's no real memory of eating.

My mom became very particular about having the food items be single things rather than a mix (no more stews or rice-bowls). She preferred her food to not mix together on the plate. Some things she just stopped liking. She wouldn't drink water but she would drink juice. She'd still eat fruit, especially grapes, which made me feel better because she'd at least be getting some fluid in that way.

As the disease progresses the person is able to taste sweet things better, so if you're concerned about intake see if something like a smoothie goes over well. My Mom really liked those yogurt cups that come with the little cookie bits to mix in—very dessert-like. You'll need her to take her calories where she can.

If she's not interested in something, try taking it away and bring it back later without comment or treat it like it's new. You don't want her to feel angst around the meals. She may not remember a specific incident, but she will remember the emotion around being pressed to eat and that can make things harder. Several attempts where she eats a few ounces each time may be more successful than trying to keep her at the table. My mom didn't like to eat if I served her and didn't eat as well--she was very aware of any difference between our meals. I had to eat pretty slowly, so she wouldn't say she was done because she felt pressured.

I did have good luck by always having some nice cookies out and ready for dessert—she'd eat a little more that way, but if she was done, she was done (there was always room for those cookies though LOL).

Sometimes an antidepressant like lexapro or welbutrin can help spur the appetitie, so you may want to discuss with her physician if she seems to be losing weight.

@Hooch33

With all due respect, sometimes it's hard to have the reality of your situation spelled out but that doesn't negate of the post as either support or information. And FTR, M1 offers a unique perspective not only as the caregiver of a loved one which unusually difficult behaviors and as an internist.

There's precious little we, as caregivers, have to offer our LOs in terms of dementia-care. At a certain point, you can't overcome the changes the disease brings. You can, and should, see if getting calories in is doable using different strategies. If you can't overcome the impact of dementia on her eating habits, it better to preserve her feeling of safety with you than forcing things and making everyone miserable. Emotional intelligence remains well into the later stages of the disease.

HB

My mother is still pretty high functioning but she definitely does things like this. I consider it part of her becoming more and more like a young child. It isn’t rational but it also shows that she isn’t able to use her words to resist something she doesn’t want to do, so they do the next easiest thing with is lying. And in some cases, I think they know they are lying, but their goal is met. My mom didn’t like that the caregiver was throwing out an allegedly empty garbage bag (so wasteful!) so she’s started hiding the garbage can in her closet. Seemed rational to her rather than saying the garbage does not need to be taken out. She allow claims to be worried about waste, which she never did before.

It is not unusual. Nor is it unusual to find yourself in a power struggle over eating and food. You have to take a deep breath and let it go. They either are not hungry or don't recognize that they are hungry or they are trying to assert some control where they can over a scary situation. In any case, battling is stressful for both of you and doomed to be non-productive. (Can you tell I have been there?)

At this point a calorie is a calorie. Let them eat bacon and ice cream or whatever you can get them to eat. Talk to the doctor and get some Ensure into her every day.

Appetite comes and goes and when my LO eats less we increase the insure. There are some medications that have as a side effect increased appetite.

I agree whole heartedly with whoever talked about letting it go and thinking about your own stress. MY LO's physician said the same thing. If you can get supplements or liquid in, taking care of both hydration and nutrition call it a win. If your mom will eat ice cream twice a day, go for it.