Put Mom in MC - Feeling Guilty

Oh @Lou107 I am so sorry. I know this feeling all too well. As awful as it is, her phone and tablet are probably not doung her any favors. She is also potentially a target for scammers. If you cannot get rid of it right away please monitor her facebook.

I know others will have different opinions, but whether it is at home care from family, home caregivers, or memory care, most people with dementia eventually need 24 hour care. It is not a failure. My mom chose not to have in home care as well. It was 💯 my first option for her. She didnt want that and is now in memory care.

Your mom likely wont remember any decisions you made together. The best to thing is to reassure her she is ok and in a good place.

Distance caregiving is so hard. Are there people back east that can check in on her? You can also ask the staff at her MC what they think about the phone and tablet in a week or so. My mom kept her phone the first month in MC, staff said it was ok, and she was literally the only person with a phone. It was very upsetting for her. I wish i got rid of it sooner.

I can completely empathize as I had to take my mom to the ER to literally get the ball rolling on the path to MC, which she adamantly refused (along with in-home care, daycare, etc.). She was getting worse and worse at home (living with me), and while there were sparks of the loving mom she once was, most of the time, she was delusional and berated me. It was getting worse and worse, yet taking Medicaid longer and longer to do anything to help. It wasn't until she was admitted into the hospital and I refused to bring her home that things started happening. She was awful the first few nights, I've heard but has settled due to being medicated. She moves into MC next week, and I worry we're in for another ride. I've been told that I shouldn't visit for up to two weeks after she moves in to help her settle. I fear that when I do visit, she'll hate me if she remembers who I am at all by that time. I feel terrible. Horrible guilt grips me. But, intellectually, I know that we are all doing our best and doing the right thing out of love and wanting our LOs to be safe and have their basic needs met so we can just go back to being their loving children in whatever way that looks now. At least, that's what I want, anyway.

I suggest finding a local support group. Your mom's MCF may even sponsor one. I'm going to my first one tomorrow and then I have my first therapy appointment (which I also recommend) the following day. It's time to take care of ourselves on a deeper level than we've been able to. We've given so much and continue to give so much love that it's time to turn some of that back on us.

I suggest reading "Loving Someone With Dementia" by Pauline Boss. I keep going back to it. It's the only book about dementia that has truly resonated with me. It may help you, too!