Recent dementia diagnosis

Hi all, I am a young nearly 67 yr old female. Last week I was diagnosed with dementia. Both of my parents passed from the diseasse -my mom at age 84 passed December of last year and my dad passed one week to the day of my diagnosis, July 30, 2024. I was my mom's full time caregiver while she lived with me the last 4 years of her life. 24/7 with seldom a break. I feel like I have PTSD from that alone. Two siblings who refused to participate the entire time. Feels like I'm still in mourning for my parents and now I have the dreaded disease. PET scan coming up soon for more details of what's going on in my noggin.
So, I'm single and was employed with a major company x6 yrs until my department was phased out. That happened March of this year. No, it has not been a great 9 months for me. lol....I am trying to become employed again, but I fear my memory issues and the changes I feel going on personality wise are going to hinder me significantly. The last 4 yrs of my employment were in a work from home / remote customer assistance role which allowed me to be at home to care for my mom under FMLA. I just don't know if I have the brain power to learn a new routine. I've applied for and received about 10 offers to take assessment tests and or online interview, but I'm scared. I've also developed something that I frequently noticed in my mom: apathy. I detest apathy, but that's the feeling I have about most things as of late. Apathy and zero motivation for follow thru. This is so unlike the old me! But I've no choice if I want to continue living in my apartment.

I have 2 sons. One has a high-level cyber security position in our local government, and I would never ask him to care for me. His career is definitely on the rise plus he's a full-time parent to his 12 yr old daughter. He's told me that he saw how taking care of my mom controlled and ruined the last 4 yrs of my mental health and that he does not want the position of caregiver. I'm not mad with him. My oldest son lives in a neighboring state and is a schoolteacher. We are on good terms, but I wouldn't say we are close. There's a mutual respect and love between us and that's about as far as it goes. I'm not going to a group home -that's all I could afford provided I qualified for Medicaid. Probably wouldn't once I start working. I toured local group homes for my mom in her last months and I just could not do that to her. There wasn't one thing I liked about any of the homes. I am going to try Vitamin B-12 in hopes that I gain a bit more energy and enthusiasm for daily tasks. Opposed to pharma meds tho. Eventually my option will be euthanasia -can I say that in this forum? It won't be soon (I hope) but probably within 6 to 8 months. Depends on how quickly I continue to slip down the rabbit hole. It seems to have gotten noticbly worse in the last few months. Even that last month has revealed new symptoms / behaviors. I'm as good as I'm gonna get as of today, so we will see how long I can hold on. The day I determine I can no longer live alone is the day I make my reservations for the clinic in Switzerland. My son is keeping an eye on me so he will tell me when he thinks it's time.

It's not all bad -my son's and I are going on a 4-day bucket list beach stay the middle of September. I will cherish walking the beach with each of my son's and revealing heartfelt sentiments and advice for them for once I'm gone.

Would like to plan on dinner with all my ex-co-workers as another celebration get together and a separate gathering with cousins, friends and childhood friends. If I can muster the enthusiasm.

That's it in a nutshell. Young feeling me feeling old and unwell. Feels like I'm trapped in a strange body and mind that are not mine. I was going to travel and see the USA. Guess I'll travel to Switzerland for one final party.

Thanks for reading.