New to the group, any advice helps!

Hi mary-e,

I found the following attachments very helpful. I hope they can help you. It may be that your mom's Alzheimer's is moving into a moderate stage—see what you think, there's a checklist at the back of the Tam Cumming's pdf.

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/65171/books-about-alzheimers-disease/p1

One of the things to grapple with is that Alzheimer's physically blocks the brain's lines of communication, initially affecting memory but also impacting how a person physically and mentally processes information and emotions. At first a person will be able to come up with work arounds— their brain can communicate along other pathways and the person may start to use ways to remind themselves of tasks. Once the disease progresses enough those other pathways are affected as well—They aren't able to remember new information and older information starts to become inaccessible (dates, names, places). For example, without being able to imprint a new memory, you won't be able to recall anyone new that you've recently met. You won't remember talking to friends or family on the phone or know that you're repeating the same conversation. That means socializing becomes difficult. You won't be able to recall having gone somewhere new or, if you revisit that place, it won't look familiar (it's kind of scary-you might feel more comfortable at home where you know where things are).

Because your mom outwardly still seems like the same mom, your temptation may be to think of the disease as just memory issues, but one needs to be able to retain information to do even simple tasks, and she can't, so she's likely confused and apprehensive. Once the short term memory starts to go even something simple can become a challenge. What you might see is more hesitation, or apathy, or an unwillingness to initiate a task that she might fail—basically a loss of executive ability.

You also might see her be confused because the memory loss creates a time warp for her. She can't recall recent things, but can recall older information and might apply it to the current situation and make a wrong assumption about something. Or you may tell her she's done something recently, but she has no memory of it, and she'll tell you you're wrong (resist the temptation to correct her or prove to her she's wrong-just go with the flow to keep her less anxious). Or she may not have any awareness at all that she's having issues, because she can't remember her day and she's assuming it's going as usual—this is called anosognosia.

At this point her care needs to support her in the things she can still manage, but not challenge her with what she can't. Helping her with her crafting sounds like a great idea. As Susan said, you may want to avoid discussing her diagnosis with her. She may not be able to remember she has dementia, but telling her so will be stressful. Dementia care is about reducing stress and supporting the person in what they can still do.

Your dad will need support. Maybe introducing him to the spouse discussion section here, and see if there are any local Alzheimer's support groups he could join? Think about If there are ways to reduce the workload for him and your mom around the house. Caregiving is extremely stressful.

Also, do yourself a favor and video some of the times you share now with your mom and dad. Ask her family stories and history if she can recall it. Take out old photos and (if she can) ask her to label the old ones. Like you've noticed, she won't be able to do this as an independent task, but it sounds like she can if you give nudges.