Feeling Fragile

Your feelings are understandable but also very serious. It can be overwhelming when the waves of ambiguous /anticipatory grief hit you. When I found myself stuck in this sadness I burst into tears at my primary physicians office and she started me on medication and recommended counseling. I have not done the counseling but I did begin medication which helped tremendously . I lean on this group for support and knowledge . You are doing an amazing job keeping up with your personal interests and hobbies, but you can no longer fully share the emotional joy with your DH. It’s ok to feel the burden of this sadness but be sure you talk to your physician about your fragile feelings. ((( Hugs)))

Biggles, I take 25mg of Zoloft . It has helped . There are other medications that are helpful but this low dose is working for me. I wish peace for you on this isolating journey.

Dear Biggles, I am sending hugs to you. We know how you feel. What you are experiencing is normal for all of us. I, too, cry at another's expression of concern, a fleeting memory or a song. I hold on to the hope that one day I will not feel like this. I try to tell myself that illness, loss, suffering and death are a part of life just to turn my thoughts around. Some days it works and some days it doesn't.

My doctor put me on bupropion when I burst into tears in his office. It helped me get through. My DH is in memory care now and I took myself off of it because I don't have the constant stress of caretaking at home. Try the meds and keep talking to us to get out your feelings. Write down your thoughts as in a journal. It helps sometimes to clear your head.

I now feel like the frog who jumped out of the boiling pot (due to DH in memory care). I cannot believe I don't have to worry every second as to what he is going to do next and don't have to be restricted to the house all of the time. Our emotions are very complex indeed.

Biggles, depression doesn't equal crying in my experience. It can be exhaustion, feeling dead, being so distracted that you can't concentrate on anything. I am on Effexor (Venlafaxamine) 300 mg/day and I think it helps, along with having found a good counsellor. Keep trying counsellors — in fact look for someone who specializes in grief and loss, because that's what we are all going through.

I too would NEVER cry in front of someone til this happened. Now I cry at everything, from kind words to setting up a new bank account to cover DH's memory care. I've found that most people understand, and are much kinder and more supportive than I would have imagined. My daughter has suggested I get a button that says "I cry, it's what I do" so it doesn't freak people out.

I'm so sorry you're on this journey, but all of us here are — or have been or will be. This is a safe place to come for any ideas, support, venting, crying, whatever you need. Many people here have good knowledge of medical options (medications, therapies, etc) that I would not have expected outside a doctor's office. Also many have experienced most everything you are are will be going through. Stay with us.