New Years Eve
How excited was I when we received an invitation to a NYE party from our Sailability Coordinator. I thought this will be great, they understand, we haven’t been out to a party for the last 4 years. When we arrived I noticed the table set for 6 that meant us, the hosts and another couple. We had perfectly cooked medium rare roast beef, roast potatoes and salads. Foods so difficult for my DH to eat. As the food fell down his front and onto the floor he was sort of confused, I was uncomfortable and sad. Next came the NYE game of writing down 6 predictions for 2025. I tried to ignore my thoughts which were focused on my DH and his progression and where he would be in 12 months. Then it was read these out loud and I just burst into tears. So unhappy, wish so much that we hadn’t gone. Some things just don’t work, it’s left me feeling very flat.
Comments
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Why would they do that to you? They are supposed to be familiar with him.
I totally understand your reactions to the predictions exercise. None of your accurate predictions would be positive and then to have to read them out loud …
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((hugs)) What a disappointment that they didn't think to ask how to accommodate your husband's needs for dinner. The game was rather tone-deaf, too.
I spent part of the day reflecting on how much I've learned and grown this past year. And no, I didn't dare think about where DH and I might be in another year. The options are too sad to contemplate.
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Thank you so much for your reply. I still feel so fractious typing this, I didn’t want to put my DH or myself through anything like that. Thank you for understanding and caring enough to reply.
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I’m so sorry for your experience in what could have been a really fun night. I understand when you say you’re feeling flat - that is a good description. I had to forgo my long time NYE tradition of having a few friends over for a lasagna dinner - been doing it for so many years with the same friends (even did a take-out lasagna get together in the driveway during Covid - I’m in Florida so that’s feasible 😁). But I just didn’t feel mentally up for it this year and DH has been a little weird with our friends lately. Let’s hope 2025 will bring us strength to get through another year.
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I’m sad for you. We have so little that we look forward to these days and to have something happen like that, would totally deflate me. It had potential to be a nice celebration.
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(((Hugs))) for 2025 Biggles. I clearly remember last year wondering what would change by the next NYE. Probably the biggest change is that I can openly talk to the doctors in front of my husband, I can handle financial things without him wondering about “ his” money. We no longer attend social gatherings or big family parties and we attend fewer grandkid events. I applaud you for giving it a try tonight.
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I don't do any of those things anymore. I wish I could. Even though it didn't go well it was probably worth trying. Trying for some enjoyment. We all need it. I wish I had words to make things better but I don't. Sorry.
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I'm so sorry this is how the evening turned out. There are already so many disappointments related to this terrible disease, no one needs one more. I'm glad you were able to share this with us. I'm sure we all cringed as we read your story.
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Biggles, I am so sorry. What were the hosts thinking with a game like that? I assume they know your situation. Eating somewhere other than home can be tough, especially a full meal. Nobody knows what the next year will bring. If someone had asked me 2 years ago where my DH would be today, the thought would have caused great sadness. But here we are, and although there has been some progression, we have also learned better ways of dealing with things and in a lot of ways it is easier than it was 2 years ago. We as caregivers can learn to adapt. Sometimes we’re learning to adapt to things we never dreamed would be an issue. Other times, things we worried about happening, didn’t happen. This forum is a great place to look for solutions. Hugs and a Happy New Year to you, Biggles.
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Hi Biggles- I’m so sorry this gathering turned this way, how incredibly disappointing, draining and hurtful!! I wonder if your hosts ever realized how screwed up it was for you and your DH! Well, you were brave to try and had the hosts been more conscious it could have turned out to be a positive experience. Pat yourself on the back for trying! I’m sorry this happened to you guys!!!
Take care💕
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"Next came the NYE game of writing down 6 predictions for 2025. " Oh ugh, I can't think that that would ever end well. With health issues , politics , the economy who is going to want to think about, let alone share, their thoughts these days.
Beef and salad are tough for everyone- lettuce in the teeth, chew chew chew the beef quick to be able to converse …. how nice hot and cold finger food would have been . And lots of little napkins for the 'oops that one isn't a good choice.'
I'm sorry Biggles. They may know how to run safer sailing classes but social sensitivities are rougher seas for them. But good on you for going. All we can do is try. At least it wasn't a fondue pot with smelly cheese and razor sharp forks. En garde!
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"With sighs too deep for words…" Biggles, I am so sorry this happened. Just bless your heart.
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I’m sorry you had this awful experience. Sometimes people don’t think about what we are going through.
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i’m so sorry the party turned out this way. Sending love and big hugs.
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Thank you so very much for this encouraging and supportive response. It was very uncomfortable and I don't want to be reminded of what was or what might be. Thankyou.
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Oh Victoriaredux you did make me laugh, i just love the thought of a fondue pot with smelly cheese and razor sharp forks. What a laugh that would have been, smelly cheese stuck in their carpet dropped drip by drip by my DH. Thank you for lifting the curtain and making me laugh.
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Is this a sailing group? It sounds as if they were not familiar with your situation.
Iris
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((hugs))
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One would think that a Sailability coordinator would have more sense.
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Thankyou so much for your comments I don’t think they had given us much thought at all.
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quite sad really, I think the group is fulfilling their own ‘do-good’ wishes not thinking of the real people and their needs.
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I see that Sailability is a sailing program for disabled people.
Iris
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Thank you
0
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