Frustrated That My Mom Won't Acknowledge Health Problems

Penn34 · April 8

I've been my mom's caregiver from 2013 (age 22) to now (age 34) . Right now, she has multiple health conditions colliding with each other: early dementia symptoms (currently trying to get a formal diagnosis), depression, dehydration, kidney problems. The depression isn't new to me or my siblings, but the other health problems are.

She has not only refused to get help for her depression, but refuses to see that something is off with her mind (the dementia symptoms, esp. delusions, forgetting & misplacing things) even when it has recently put my and her safety at risk.

Whenever I try to tell her to do something like reminding her to drink water, taking me with her when she goes out (she drives but I don't), or suggest she see a therapist, she thinks I'm trying to be her parent, gets mad, or sometimes cries like a child. She does the same thing with my sister (she lives long distance but provides financial and emotional support and visits every month).

Her depression is so bad that she has little appetite, is always cold, and is sometimes suicidal. And now, with the dementia symptoms, she blames her misplacement of things on my dead Dad by insisting he is alive and "messing with her" . She also accuses me of either taking her things or "his side".

My sister was willing to pay $8000 for a series of special treatment plans that would've figured out and catered to my mom's needs. My mom doesn't want the treatments.

My brother (who lives long distance in the same state as me & my mom) had the idea of driving my mom to my sister's for a month to give me a break as a caregiver. My mom doesn't want to go to my sister's unless we sell the house and move to Virginia to live with her. Selling the house has its own problems since we have a lot of stuff we'd need to get rid of.

I am frustrated that my mom expects her kids to help her, but won't do anything to help herself.

SusanB-dil · April 8

Hi Penn - all of 'this' is frustrating!

Your mom has anosognosia. This is not denial, but rather, the firm belief that nothing is wrong. This is their reality and everybody else is just being aggravating.

Yes - you have needed a break for a long time. Per your other post, back into college and your own life and friends. You may have to just take her to your sister's place and at least just tell her it is temporary.

She probably is no longer capable of helping herself, so you are going to have to make these decisions, regardless of whether she 'likes' it or not. She can't help it. Her brain is broken and she can no longer reason. I know that doesn't make it any easier, but this is why you cannot try to reason with her. It just doesn't work.

Rule #1: Don't argue with a PWD. Rule #1: MUST take care of yourself. Rule #2: See rule #1, both of them.

Caregiver burnout is real. Do take your sis up on that offer for a month. Maybe start looking into some MC facilities for her. Look into local adult daycare for at least a few days a week. A friend told her MIL it was a senior center.

Frustrated That My Mom Won't Acknowledge Health Problems

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories