Really Need Help With My Mom and Dad, Could This be Dementia? Dad’s Behavior

sunpoppy · July 1

Hi, I’m 49 and living with both of my aging parents. My dad is almost 80 and has been obsessively bringing up my mom’s past—accusing, interrogating, then apologizing and repeating it again. It started suddenly in early May.

He has also:

Forgotten recent events or where he placed items

Told the same old stories repeatedly

Misremembered dates from decades ago

Seems emotionally fragile—sometimes crying, sometimes aggressive

Is on hormone therapy for prostate cancer

He’s always been intense, but something feels different now. My mom has depression and rarely takes initiative, so I’m in the middle trying to hold things together.

I’m not sure if this is dementia, medication, stress, or something else. Has anyone experienced something like this before a diagnosis?

SusanB-dil · July 1

Hi sunpoppy - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

There are so many factors that could be at play here. The only way to really find out is probably through a neurologist. If you can't go direct due to insurance, hopefully his primary care can refer him. It could be any of what you mentioned, or even a thyroid, hormone, or vitamin imbalance.

If there is aggression and you do feel threatened, you can call 9-1-1, explain the situation, and request a geri-psych evaluation.

Also make sure paperwork is in order (for both your folks) - DPOA and HIPAA accesses.

H1235 · July 1

I’ve attached a staging tool that can give you an idea of some common symptom. But I agree with Susan, it’s best to have him seen by a doctor. If you think he will be mad at you for bringing up your concerns with the doctor you could bring in a note. I would not trust him to report what is happening. People with dementia often don’t recognize their own symptoms (very frustrating).

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/6372d16ea4e02c7ce64425b7/t/63f7b80d80d8aa3e3aa4a47d/1677178894184/DBAT.pdf

sunpoppy · July 1

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/247139#Comment_247139

Hi Susan, thank you so much for the kind and thoughtful response — it really means a lot right now.

I agree there are many layers to what’s happening. My dad has been on hormone therapy for prostate cancer since 2022, and over time I’ve noticed his emotional state and memory really start to decline. He has intense hot flashes, gets confused more easily, repeats the same stories, misplaces things, and sometimes forgets recent events. He also fixates on my mom’s past in a way that’s obsessive, and he swings between emotional outbursts and moments of deep regret or confusion. Sometimes he seems aware something is wrong, and other times he doesn’t.

We haven’t been able to get him seen by a neurologist yet, but I’ll try to go through his primary care doctor as you suggested. That’s a great point about making sure all the paperwork is in order too — we’re definitely behind on that.

Does this kind of behavior sound like early dementia to you? I know you’re not a doctor, but I’d appreciate hearing from someone who’s seen this up close.

I’m really grateful for this space — I’ve felt very alone in this, and it helps so much to know others understand.

Warmly,
sunpoppy

psg712 · July 1

Hi sunpoppy,

Any of the mental and emotional changes you mentioned can be connected with dementia. But don't let the doctors discount the effects of the androgen deprivation therapy that your dad takes for his prostate cancer. I work in cancer care (as a nurse) and see many men on these hormone blocking treatments struggle with hot flashes, depression and some memory loss.

Your dad may have dementia mixed in with the effects of his hormone blocking therapy. You will need a doctor willing to look at all sides of this complex situation. I wish you the best as you work to help your parents.

sunpoppy · July 2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/247148#Comment_247148

Thank you so much for this response — it really helps. It’s reassuring to hear from someone in cancer care who has seen these kinds of side effects from androgen deprivation therapy. My dad has continued the hormone shots longer than originally prescribed because he’s afraid the cancer will return if he stops. I’ve noticed a gradual increase in hot flashes, depression, emotional volatility, and some memory issues. It’s been hard to know what’s from the treatment and what might be something more like dementia. He’s also really resistant to seeing anyone other than his oncologist. Your message gave me some clarity and helped me feel a little less alone. Thank you again.

harshedbuzz · July 2

@sunpoppy

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

I had a similar experience with my dad. He went undiagnosed a long time; I noticed symptoms of emotional changes as early as 2005 and memory issues by 2008. He was already medicated for depression long before these changes. His mental incapacity increased at a fairly show rate. He had a recurrence of prostate cancer and began ADT in 2016. It did seem to have a significant drop with the initial Lupron injection but we were told by doctor's that it was likely coincidence or moving him local to where I live. I did a little digging and found this:

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2016/10/common-prostate-cancer-treatment-linked-to-later-dementia.html

That said, I would start with his PCP to start the evaluation process. A PCP can order bloodwork and imaging to rule out other things as well as a quick in-office memory test. It can take close to a year to be seen by neurology, so it's best to start with the PCP.

FWIW, dad also had a vitamin deficiency and improved for a time when that was treated until his Alzheimer's progressed and he began drinking again. When mom showed some signs, her bloodwork showed Lyme Disease; she also improved with treatment.

HB

Really Need Help With My Mom and Dad, Could This be Dementia? Dad’s Behavior

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories