Ordering Supplements

Why would a PWD have access to the internet? Change the WiFi password. Tell him it's down.

You mentioned he needs the card to buy gas. If he has been diagnosed with AD he should not be driving. It puts you in a very bad liability position in the event of an accident.

Sometimes it’s hard coming on here for input or advice on how to handle difficult situations. I understand the supplement purchases. My DH doesn’t buy them himself but he sees the commercials and is desperate for a magic potion to cure him. One idea might be to get a debit card that has a set limit to protect your finances.

Driving is a big and touchy subject on here. I personally would love for my DH to stop driving. It’s not always as easy to do. DH is still working so to quit driving means to quit work. In a younger person working it’s hard for them to accept what is happening to them. I can’t go to his boss and say oh hey he is quitting. I have discussed this with every doctor he sees. They do talk about “there will be a time” but they aren’t willing to come out and say yes the time is now. We are reporting you to the DMV.

we know the liability. It’s not lost on us. We all have to understand, disabling a vehicle or hiding the keys could become a dangerous situation for the caregiver. MC is not a luxury everyone has.

I guess my point to the group is to be kind when criticizing someone’s situation. You don’t live in their house and there may be things you don’t understand. People join this site for support and experience of others without being belittled for their questions!

Birdie I hope you will not be discouraged from posting again. Pretty harsh response to get in your first post to this group.
please remember to BE KIND

I am sorry if I came off harshly. This could become a hair on fire situation. It's no excuse but I was in the midst of an allergic reaction and not my usual charming self. The meds. Yikes.

Let me start over.

I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place. I recall how hard it was too be in your shoes with a newly diagnosed LO who needs you to protect them from themselves but feeling torn. You naturally want to preserve what independence and dignity you can. You might even fear agitation and aggression as a consequence if your LO is not someone who easily goes along with suggestions.

I get it. My own dad had a challenging personality and dementia only magnified that. My mom's reluctance to take charge of the situation continues to cost here dearly. There are unique challenges to each stage of the disease's progression. But for me, the absolute hardest was the one you are facing now— that stage where your LO requires supervision and limits but is still with it enough to resent the daylights out of it. It was actually easier to work around dad's personality/needs when he was in later stages; the house was certainly calmer then.

Your DH may have some degree of anosognosia. This is where a PWD can't recognize the degree to which they are impaired. When dad was at your DH's stage as you describe it, he would admit to a poor memory which he attributed to aging, but he could not appreciate how profoundly impacted his empathy, reasoning skills, executive function and processing skills were.

It was during this time that dad started dabbling in day trading. He managed to lose $360K; his positions were almost laughably awful when I took them over. That money would have come in handy in terms of buying more respite time. Mom might have been able to keep him at home with 24/7 help which was what she wanted, but there wasn't that kind of money available. And now that she might need care, it could impact the options we have for her.

Mom was happy to have him occupied in his den playing on the computer. I'm still putting out fires; not long after he died I found 5 different internet security suites on auto-renew to the tune of about $300 each. Earlier this summer, I found a charge on mom's credit card I didn't recognize— it was a monthly insurance fee for the cell phone dad bought in 2005. They paid over $2100 to insure a flip phone.

I leave the driving to others; it's a Unity Horse around these parts. But IMO, there is no good reason for a PWD to have access to the internet or cellular data. There are too many ways for this to go sideways. The online shopping situation is a pretty common one. This can be complicated if the PWD is gifting others as it can impact Residential Medicaid when the PWD runs out of money during the 5-year-lookback.

Other internet issues can be getting caught up in email scams. I had dinner with a friend last month whose dad got scammed out of over $10K responding to a "Norton Security" email telling him that his security needed to be updated. Dad called the number provided at 4am when he was wandering about. They talked him through allowing them access to the device, obtained all manner of sensitive information and drafted money out of his checking and savings account immediately. The son spent the last 2 days of his vacation changing accounts, setting up new 2-step authentication (with his phone), redirecting both parents' SSA direct deposit, pensions, etc.

Another issue is visiting sites they shouldn't. A few folks have had their LO go to porn and unwittingly end up in an illegal site. These sites may be monitored by state law enforcement and your ISP address would be reported. This could result in a big headache. This happened to a family in my IRL support group.

That said, I feel your pain in watching your LO looking for something to save them. I'm currently watching my mom who clearly is having some issues with memory and word finding. She's mused about perhaps trying one of these OTC supplements just in case. UGH.

HB