How To Be More Empathetic Towards Mom's Dementia Flashbacks

Penn34

So my older sister (long-distance caregiver who visits every 1-2 months) just took my Asian mom to her first therapy session to work out the grief from my Dad's death (He died 13 years ago) and other emotional issues that fuel my mom's dementia flashbacks. We are going to do more sessions (virtually since I don't drive) and I need advice in meantime.

My sister said that I need to stop shutting down my mom every time she has flashbacks because it's unhelpful. I've been trying to do better by saying, "I hope this helps you let go of Dad." but I'm not sure what else to say.

The reason I have been tactless up until now is because I have been my mom's primary caregiver since my Dad passed (I was 21 when this happened) and I can only get along with her when we are eating and watching a movie or tv show. We used to go out to eat and go to the movies before COVID happened, but now we can't because my mom's health issues put her high-risk for catching COVID.

I have been trying to start living my own life for the past few months by going out and socializing. Up until 6 months ago, I had been just as isolated as my mom has due to my own mental health issues and low-income. With therapy and my sister's help, I've finally started to feel like my age (mid-30s), make my first friend in years, and go on solo dates by myself. When I need a break from my mom, I take Ubers out during the day for a few hours. Despite moving slower, she can still cook, dress herself, and bathe herself (though she only does it every few days). The only issue is that is she is very lonely, which causes her to act petty whenever I go out by myself.

While I understand her being lonely, I don't want my mom to suffocate me just because I am the only other person in the house and that she misses my Dad. I already serve as her navigator when she drives short distances to Asian/American grocery stores and restaurants (I know she shouldn't be driving but I have little to no alternatives and already argued with her about this), manage the bills in the house, and live with her 24/7.