Arguments that seem impossible to stop

Welcome! My mom has been very mad and argumentative. She is in AL. It’s hard, I can’t even imagine her living with me. I know not to argue with her but she sucks me in. Why do I have to be here? I just want an answer. It’s not right. I just want you to explain. I tell her the doctor said she should not live alone and she says that’s ridiculous and starts in again. It’s so difficult, because I want her to understand (but I know she cant). I have just said “mom we can talk about something else or I can leave”. Unfortunately she keeps up with the argument and I leave. I’m not sure if this is the best way to handle it or not. We are working on figuring out medication. It’s a slow process. Good luck.

Never argue with someone who has dementia. I learned this the first time I was a care giver for a LO with Alzheimer's. There isn't anyway to stop someone else from arguing if they have dementia or if they don't. We can only control our own response. It takes two to argue, and we can choose to not argue.

You can say "I am sorry you feel that way". "How can I help?" "Heard". Sometimes it is best to just acknowledge how a person feels. You can agree or try to redirect the persons attention. Using short sentences is best.

My DH used to wear me out arguing. Now I tell myself that it is the disease that is arguing and I don't need to argue with a disease.

My father obsesses about things like the lawn mower and his fishing license, it is a constant battle. I have to call my brother sometimes just to have him run interference.

Currently reading "Did i "Remeber to Tell You?" by Pam Kovacs Johnson. From a fairly new caregivers point of view, this is probably the most helpful book that I have read. To stop arguments, she recommends just saying, "I'm sorry." It doesn't matter whether you did anything wrong or not, just apologize for whatever it is, even if you have to lie to do it. The person with dementia isn't thinking clearly; they can't.

Teepa Snow is great. I don't have time to watch all of the videos but there is one that really explains how to talk to the person with dementia and why they are not able to reason like a person with a "normal" brain.

Wishing you well. Wishing you patience.

reading thru the comments - appreciate the suggestions and resources shared. I’ve said sorry but I’m not going to talk about this with you anymore. But still hear his side a few more times. I also have a hard time getting off the phone with him. Always one more thing. I have to say I’m going to hang up if you don’t tell me bye and I don’t want to hang up on you so pls let’s talk another time. I feel bad and set a time limit from the start but of course he can’t be reasonable.

Hello. I am also a new member. My husband yells and swears at me several times a day and it is increasing as his dementia worsens. I have read all of the comments and think there are some very helpful ideas, Thank you! I too usually have to just walk away. What makes it worse is that he is deaf without his hearing aids which he loses or breaks. He just keeps going and going. Knowing there are others experiencing this makes me feel not so alone. I'm going to call his doctor and look up some of the resources suggested.