Just need to talk to my friends (191)

Mint

Day good to hear from you and hope you feel a little better each day.

Lorita and JoC thank you for your concern. I’m ok just a rough patch. Hard to take care of someone who you can’t reason with.

ronald71111

Iris, the only push ups I do is pushing myself up from a sitting position. The times in the past when I've had pains around my shoulder blade was either bursitis or pneumonia.

Day I'm glad your back home, just take it easy for awhile and rest.

One of the church ladies came over yesterday evening to stay with Lou where I could go to the men's monthly get together at church. We had fish, hush puppies and coleslaw and great fellowship. I can tell how much better I feel when I have conversations with others. I love Lou but she no longer can carry on a conversation that is stimulating. She tries, but after a few words forgets what she was trying to say. My front porch friends are great, but it's not the same as a group face to face conversation.

Everyone try to stay safe over the labor day weekend and let's get ready to start cranking out the ice cream.

Ron

loveskitties

Day glad you are home and prayers for all clear on remaining tests.

Jo, prayers for your son's total recovery soonest.

For all wishing better health and well being...getting old comes with lots of challenges...

Please stay safe over the holiday weekend.

Lorita

Morning,

Ron, sounds like you have a really good, caring Church family. How nice of the lady to come and stay with Lou when you went to the dinner with the other men. I know that did you a lot of good to just be out for a while. I know what you mean about doing push-ups from a sitting position - I'm having the same problem. Seems like the chairs and divan are getting lower all the time. I bend over to do something and it sounds like corn popping - from my knees. Oh, well, I can still get around and for that I'm thankful.

Sara, sounds like you're back where you were a few months ago with your mother. Maybe you can enlist more help from your sisters. I hate that you had to give up your volunteering job because you liked it so much. Maybe you can get back to it a little later.

Went out and checked five pastures for problems - all was well - babies running everywhere and nervous moms. Didn't let Stormy go this time but I will tomorrow. He pouts when he doesn't get to go. He meets me at the gate with this sad look. Heard gunfire - had forgotten it's dove season - hate that. Big old men out shooting defenseless birds. We've always posted our land before Sept. 1 - didn't get it done this year. When I was up by the MH the girls up there were nervous - kept looking at the road and Mitchell's house (Mike's place now). Didn't see anything but if I had I would have run them off - done that before. Cooking squash and onions so better go and check on them. Enjoy the weekend - it's getting hotter - dread that. Back later.

jfkoc

Is anyone well?????

Jo C.

Dear Front Porch friends; I cannot thank you enough for the prayers for our son. Iris; he had a temp of 101 yesterday a.m., and later in the day, it was 99.5. He checks his O2 levels about 10 times a day he said, and the levels have been 96 to 99 which is good. He has some GI issues with diarrhea, nasal congestion,, a moderate cough which is mildly productive, some muscle aches and significant fatigue. All of this hit again after he had been off Paxlovid and felt 100% well for two days. Looks like for many people having this experience, the Paxlovid probably would have been better if taken longer so the virus would be better cleared. Both son and DIL said that the Paxlovid leaves a terrible metallic taste in the mouth that is a 10 out of 10 on the nasty scale, but one must bear it and know it is only for five days. Of course, one does not know if they had COVID 19, or Eris, or the new Pirola . . . no way to find out, so one must still carefully mask when out and about inside of places with people as all three are percolatng now. Pirola is fairly new, so it has not taken over, but it is supposed to be the most highly contagious one and is expected to soon be riding the crest of the COVID wave too.

Sayra, I am so very sorry and can well understand the increase in your having to step in with the uptick in your mother's behaviors and I imagine all sorts of things that must be managed. My mother had a behavioral variant of FTD; it was beyond awful and so far over the moon that there was no frame of reference for what was happening. Even had the police called on me for theft and reporting me to all sorts of people for bizarre delusions and the behaviors were not just for the day time; it was a 24 hour continuum. She also acted out and hollered and yelled and carried on for nothing and everything.

Problem was; with FTD, so much memory can be retained until the end phase and she was very capable of secretly conducting business like ordering a $10,000 golf cart, (never golfed a day in her life), and could not manage to get on one much less drive it, leaving me having to cancel the order which was another fun thing but thank goodness it was able to be done. She ordered new custom draperies for her living room for two HUGE spans of windows ceiling to floor - they were very expensive; when they were formally installed, she took an instant hatred to them even though they were identical to her original ones, (which were still good by the way); she tried to pull them off the windows with no success BUT then called the J.C. Penny store manager and told him she was a very elderly lady and her daughter bought the drapes without telling her and she wanted them taken back and wanted all of her money back because she was very poor and could not afford her living expenses as she no longer had any money because of the cost of the drapes and it was all my fault.

Well; the Manager of the store called me and began to chew me out royally - I was stunned. Got my act together and told him about the dementia, the name of the sales person who had gone to my mother's home and met with my mother alone and took the order, and that I had not one whit to do with it. He checked and called back and apologized. Having the police detectives called to report my stealing her bank account money was an interesting experience. Fortunately, the bank manager knew me and knew my mother's situation. Not one penny was missing from any accounts and all the checks were written for valid needs such as prescriptions, medical co-pays, insurance, etc., thankfully all worked out well. SO many more issues; but the daily shouting, berating and carrying on were truly exhausting.

Not only is it is exhausting, but it was also extremely hurtful even though I knew it was the dementia. It seemed she did so many of those sorts of things with malice aforethought and that was true in many instances, BUT it was the FTD that formatted the behaviors instilling the delusions and malice. I strove to give her as good a life as possible, but it was certainly a never ending responsibility. Even with the Risperdal which helped, it was still a humdinger. So sad when she finally, after such a long period of time, got to the stage where all of that fell away; she was lost and I could see her fading with each week that passed; it broke my heart and at the end I would have given anything to have heard her voice one more time. Unless someone has actually cared for someone with dementia; there is no way for them to truly know the depth and breadth of the dynamics which as said, are so often needful and sometimes over the moon and keeps us on our toes and doing, doing, doing just to keep up. Well; enough of this, sorry - it all suddenly came back in a flush of recall. Whew!

Judith; how are you feeling today? Hope you are with less discomfort, if we were 18, we would heal in a day and no big deal; however, we mature dears heal by teensy unseen bitsy bits which is annoying as heck; but we are prisoners of our over the hill bodies and need to endure. Glad you have your upstairs sanctuary to retreat to in the afternoon to stay the rest of the day into bedtime. Hope you have some snacks stashed and bring a light dinner up with you. Yep; that's me, food always seems to come into my thoughts.

Ron; how I would delight in finding a church as supportive and caring as yours is with a very supportive and caring congregation; that is wonderful and a huge blessing. So glad you found them and are enjoying the fellowship. That dinner sounded great; had me wanting some. Fellowship is really good medicine.

Still feeling off today, sips of water and apple juice and so far so good with that. Feel worn out and no energy, will stay in the bedroom and do not much of anything and let the ick fade away. Soon I hope.

Take good care all of you and Sayra; I hope the sisters can be of help and not be part of the problem; and please be good to yourself; that is important and you are worth it you melon grower, you. Smile being sent along with more hugs from all of us.

J.

Iris L.

Judith, I just talked with one of my cousins. In our family, there have been three diagnoses of breast cancer this year, one back surgery, another hospitalization, possible Parkinson's Disease and a death from last year--I didn't know about all of this. I guess this is what happens when people get older.

Iris

ronald71111

Jo C., I feel lucky that Lou's dementia is mostly forgetful. She does have a few occasions where she is hateful and lashes out at me vocally, bu mainly memory. I can feed her and 5 minutes after clearing the dishes, it's "are you going to feed me, I haven't had anything to eat all day". I ask if she's hungry and explain to her what she has eaten and its fine for awhile. What hurts more than anything is the memory of who I am to her is getting worse.

I was listening to Dallas Frazier If my heart had windows and kept thinking about Lou. Look it up, it's a beautiful song. Dallas Frazier had a lot of big hits; Alley Opp and Alveria two of his biggest.

Speaking about covid, I'm surprised that the VA hasn't mandated wearing mask again. I was just there Thursday and they do have mask available, but it's your choice.

Ron

Mint

I do have help from my sister that is retired. We split the week up. I’m so thankful for her help. Mom is a lot of what JoC is describing. She has very little if any memory problems but reasoning, oh my. You cannot not reason with her at all, she has no pity for you and will do her best to get what she wants. It wears both of us out. In October my sister will be gone for two weeks on vacation. She has told me I can call her a lot. Haven’t told you guys but when I got home from hospital she has been demanding for me to move in with her. I could not take it mentally and would wear me out physically. Have a question what do I do when she truly isn’t able to live by herself. She may be getting there. Can I call police for a welfare check and can they have her taken to hospital. Then if hospital says she cannot be home alone can I as DPOA have her admitted somewhere. How do we get her medicated if she refuses to take stuff, fear no one will take her? Hope I can refuse also. If you try to distract her that makes her worse.

ronald71111

Sayra, I believe I've told this story but it might help you.

Lou's mom had alzheimer and would get very hard to handle. One time she was running through the house yelling to get my gun they are going to get us. We tried to restrain her but she kept fighting and running around. We finally called 911! When the medics got there and talked to her she calmed down. They asked if we wanted them to take her to the hospital to check her out and we said yes. The ER Dr was real rude to us, thinking we had abused her but after talking to her primary care he was very nice. We told him that it had reached a point we could not care for her and he said don't worry ill talk to her dr and we can find a place. We did mention a nursing home close to our house and that is where they sent her. Bottom line......don't worry, the Dr's will find a place for her and medicate her if needed. It's a hard decision to make and if Lou was like her mom I don't know what I would do.

Ron

telinde

Good morning. I haven’t read back to see how you all are, but will catch up soon. I hope you are all ok. Day, I hope you are progressing in your recovery.

im at rehab.. I transferred here Thursday. They told me I had L2-5 fused and laminectomy on top side of L 5. Feels liked they took a hammer to my spine. Today, the pain seems to be subsiding so I am so thankful. Seems I’m narcotic naive. I was totaled wiped out, nauseous and high as a kite for a couple of days, even on a fourth of a dose. So had to keep those for emergency pain spikes.

I was up walking the hall on second day. Therapy for ot and pt has helped. I think I’m a little stronger already. I made it down the entire hall yesterday. Felt like I walked for miles. Lol

Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. I truly can feel, the healing love of prayer and good thoughts. I’ll sign off and write more later. I think I have brain fog right now. Joan

Lorita

Morning,

Judith, it doesn't sound like any of us are on top of the world, healthwise. As we get to be more "mature" there are more aches and pains than not. Guess it's to be expected. Do hope you're recovering from your concussion - it does take time so don't be doing your normal things - rest, rest and get more rest.

Jo, hope things are still going better for your son. What a shame this covid had to rear it's ugly head across the world and still causing so much havoc. Sounds like it's trying to make a return.

Ron, Sarah said some of the people at the hospital where she is are wearing masks but not all. Darwin's wife said some people in WM are wearing masks. Best that we all do.

Sara, I know all of us who have cared for a parent with Alz. has stories of how it affected us. My mother had Alz. and lived alone for the 13 months after daddy passed away. We lived very close and I saw her several times a day. When she left home during the night and we finally found her at noon the next day, wrapped up in barbed wire from trying to get across it, we had to take her to the hospital. She told the people there we were trying to kill her - who knows what else she said. Of course they imagine things and tell others but it doesn't help our feelings. The questions you asked about calling for a welfare check and the police taking her to the hospital - I don't know how to answer. I know in Oklahoma even if you call an ambulance and the person refuses to go, they won't take them - not sure about Ohio. Might be a good idea to talk with your police dept. and see what they say. I know what a problem it is for you. How will you manage while your sister is away those two weeks? Glad you decided not to go back to live with her after your illness - you needed quiet and no aggravation. I hope you're feeling better by now.

Did you all read the thread by Ladypeewee? Her tribute to William was beautiful - brought tears to my eyes for sure.

Stormy and I spent a good hour out in the pastures with the girls this morning - I was worn out when I got home from steering the Gator all over the place. Toad told Mike there were 28 heifers and two bulls but for the life of me I count three bulls and 29 heifers. I think there's another new baby. The cows with babies had them all around a huge tree in the meadow in the shade except for another baby that mom had put down in the snow on the mountain across the fence.

I hadn't been back in that part of the farm for quite a while - used to pick blackberries but the vines got so big, thick and scary I quit. Grass is good and there's two ponds back there. When I first got back in there several of the heifers were at the pond drinking. It's a nice place - there's trees all around the pond so when it gets hot they can get in or near the water and be in the shade.

Then we went to the east pasture to see our cows - everyone seemed okay this morning. For some reason I have such a problem counting cattle - if I count three times I get three results - guess it's because they're always moving.

I was tired when we got home and guess Stormy was too - he's been sleeping since then. I was going to take Sheene for a walk but she wanted to come back inside.

Day, saw about 15 minutes of Denim & Co. early this morning before I went out. Two hours are coming up - do wish they'd have Gary for those two hours but it's that young woman with one of the hosts I don't care for.Do hope you're continuing to improve and that things are going well.

Didn't watch much of the morning news shows. Lots of talk about climate change in what I did see - no idea how anyone can think there isn't such a thing - just think of what's going on with the weather in the world.

I got the trash ready to take down and will do that later today.

Jo, you asked about the refrigerator. I have an appt. for the repairman to come Wednesday and install the new ice maker I received in the mail yesterday. Need to open the box and make sure it's not broken. Will be interesting to see if he can make it fit.

Better stop - hadn't meant to write so much - I have another cup of hot tea I need to drink.

Sandy, I've been thinking of you a lot lately - do hope things are going all right for you. We'll talk soon. I started to call a couple of times but with the time difference I knew it would be too late.

Back later.

ronald71111

All you old western movie watchers, I just saw wishbone from wagon train on Daniel Boone. It amazes me how many characters you can see on different shows, but never realized it when I was younger.

Ron

JeriLynn66

Good morning from my back porch in Alabama

Jo C.

Sayra; Unless your mother is an outright danger to herself and others that the police can witness; they are not able to do much of anything; but you can always call and ask. That is the difficult point I too found myself at with my mother. I even called the APS to find out what could be done, but not very helpful at all in our area. Has your mother currently seen a physician, or would she be willing? That was an initial starting point for us. She was not florid during her appts. as she could showboat with the best of them, but it was obvious she had dementia. Had to use big fiblets and state there was a demand at no cost by Medicare that she be seen as it had been so long since her last appt.- this just to get her to the doctor, but thank heavens, it worked. I could have written a fake Medicare letter, but that was not required. Whew!

I had thankfully written a detailed memo to the doctor outlining all the changes in cognition, function, and especially in behaviors being detailed on those; especially with safety factors and what the issues were and the goals were now placement due to the danger factors AND told him the info was CONFIDENTIAL in big black letters.d Got this to him prior to the appt., and also carried a copy in my handbag day of appt. and checked with staff to ensure he had seen and read it; if not, I had the copy to give prior to the exam.

It took more than one simple visit to get it all in place; it was decided by the MD that the best approach would be GeroPsych but that was not told to my mother or it would have been game over. What the doctor did was to call in advance and make arrangements with GeroPsych at a local hospital; he also contacted the ER doc and told him what the plan was. Mom was told she needed a Chest Xray and it needed to be done at the hospital Xray Dept through the ER as we did not have an advance appt.; BIG fiblet but it worked.

We got to the ER, she was admitted up onto a guerney right away where she waited. Very quickly, an RN in uniform came to the ER from the GeroPsych Unit. Could not tell her from any other RN in the ER setting. She was very kind and good at her assessment which did not take long at all. Mom was formally accepted to the GeroPsych Unit being rolled there on the guerney as the ER MD told her she needed to be admitted to the hospital . . . .Whew!

Okay. Was she happy and accepting in GeroPsych which looked like ordinary hospital rooms except the hallways and activity rooms were more nicely done? No. But she was there and was not told it was GeroPsych. Meds were able to be evaluated and adjusted. On the day of admission, I met with the Psych Social Worker and explained she would not be returning home and placement was necessary. I also informed the Psychiatrist of this as well as the DON of the unit so that everyone was aware.

It was ever so much easier to transfer to care directly from GeroPsych; she was told she needed "rehab." Sorry to have to use such falsehoods but it was the kindest thing for her and the only way to get her to much needed necessary care.

What did help was to be able to pay a month of private pay in advance at the accepting facility: that got a bed much easier and she then was able to be applied for Medi-Cal for the rest of her stay as the facility did accept Medi-Cal; it is important to screen for that. SNFs like it if they can get a month or so money in advance because if Medicaid is rejected, they are not out of money for that month. It only takes about a month to have the application processed AND after Medicaid is approved, they will reimburse the family what they paid privately up to a number of months when application was made. You can check this in your state. Crazy time and I was a nervous wreck inside myself so hoping for success and so concerned lest a roadblock pop up.

Of course, a visit to an Elder Law Attorney would be helpful; a bit pricey. Each state varies in what a DPOA can do in detail; sometimes a guardianship serves best but that is a court process.

If there is ANY reason for your mother is admitted to the hospital as an inpt or outpt or even to the ER: you cannot be demanded to take her home nor can they discharge her to an unsafe setting; which would include back home alone again. One must not be manipulated but hold their ground; then it becomes incumbent upon the hospital to hold until a placement is found. Family must help do this as well as the Case Managers or Social Workers. Sometimes, a less than satisfactory place is found at first; but then one can continue looking and transfer to a better fit when one is found.

This is not easy Sayra; and one's emotions and even guilt can certainly enter into it. That happened for me, but when all the dust finally settles and one can come down off the ceiling,, logic has time to let us know that was the far best decision for our LOs needs. And we also save ourselves. Whatever you do, please do not let guilt and your mother manipulate you into moving in with her. Your health is very important and that would be recipe for disasters and also difficult to undo.

Sending best, best wishes your way for this to come to a successful end state. Also, Sayra; when facing this myself, a Social Worker told me to let go and NOT keep running and slapping band-aids on everything each day; she did say it was best for me to let the next shoe drop and then one could take the steps needed. Very hard to do to say the least, she was right and when the next shoe did drop, then the necessary steps could be taken.

P. S. By the way; I also got a letter from the primary MD and anther MD that my mother was no longer competent to format her own plan of care and was no longer competent to conduct her business needs. That was helpful to have put back should there be a question at the long term care setting or other issue.

J.

Lorita

Hi again,

All good advice from Jo. I went through the APS with my sister. Did no good. I think they came one time and was with her for about five minutes. Of course, she seemed perfectly normal to them - seems their main concern was that she and her house were clean. She was a good housekeeper so no problem there. It was a struggle to get her into some place that was safe from lawn mower guy (you all remember that). If it hadn't been for Sarah and Todd, all would have been lost. He had even tried to get her to sign over her home to him.

Sara, I remember you going through some of the same things with one of your mother's neighbors or workmen. Hard to get through all this but it's a necessary thing to do to protect them.

My dear neighbor whose wife has alz. couldn't get her to go to the doctor so he had to go to court to become her guardian to make the medical trips necessary. We have to do things that we don't like for theirs and our sakes.

Jerilynn, good morning - what a pretty sunrise from your back porch. My house faces east so I see the sunrises over the big pond in front of the house. I've taken so many pictures of the sunrises. I can't see the sunsets because of the trees behind the house - unless I'm out in the pastures.

I'm cooking butterbeans to go with the okra from yesterday - and the squash and onions. I'll be set for the week. I put the butterbeans on to cook, started doing something else and when I went back to check, the water was gone and they were beginning to burn. Poured them out into a flat dish and took out the ones that were beginning to burn and looked at the pan (one of my new ones) - had burned beans on the inside but they scraped off easily with a spurtle - so they're back on to cook. For some weird reason I had turned the burner on too high. I was going through requests for donations and forgot the beans. I contribute on a regular basis to about ten organizations and I bet I get three or four requests from others almost every day. Wish I could contribute to all of them.

Ron, how right you are. I think they use a few actors and rotate them in and out of all the shows. I see lots of the same people on Barney Miller, too. I always liked Wishbone. Remember Gabby Hayes? He was also good.

Scott, haven't seen a post from you recently. Hope things are going all right. Let us hear.

Better check on the beans. I need a nap this afternoon but there are other eggs to lay and fish to fry.

Mint

Thank you Ron for sharing, did find it helpful.

Joan so good to hear from you. I had brain fog issues so understand that. Took a few weeks but they have cleared completely up.

I will miss my sister but depend on God to help me.

Beautiful JeriLynn.

JoC I understand what yo are saying about police and was aware of it. Always remember a patient telling me that his brother needed and refused care. One day when he got there his brother was smoking in bed. He called the police and they took him to ER. I filed that away in case I needed it some day. APS was not of any help when we asked them to check on my aunt who was in much worse condition than my mom. I already have a CELA and he will be called if placement ever is a possibility. Hope my mom dies at home but I have no say in that. If she does end up in hospital and I have to make the decisions, have already told my sisters the only thing I will agree to is is she needs some pain control. There is no reason to start meds now and if she gets back to where she can make the decisions she probably would stop taking them. Know we have to wait for the shoe to drop, however short or long that may be. My sister and I are both aware of this. She has no doctor, hasn’t had one for years. If you remember in March of 2019 she refused care for her stroke, has been very proud of that. There are possibly a few physical things going on too, but when I approached it a couple of times she denies anything. She will never agree to anything that we try to help her with. The annoying part is she is constantly calling and complaining trying to make me see why I need to move in with her. I just tell her I’m not able. That does bother me some JoC but her personality is just too much for me to handle ever again on a 24/7 basis. When I go there I can’t get away fast enough, very sad for her and me. Thank you for your thoughts. Lorita I do not want Guardianship of my mother. She would remain defiant if at all able.

Judith hope you start feeling better soon, when my dad had his concussion took several weeks before he got to feeling better.

Prayers for each and everyone on all the threads.

Take care everyone

Lorita

Hi,

Joan,so good to hear from you. Guess we were posting about the same time - just now saw your post. Glad you are doing so well - up and walking on the second day,that's great. I'd probably be the same as you taking very strong meds but take them when you need it - that will probably be over soon. We've missed you and have looked for a post from you every day. Take it easy walking. Everyone's back on the porch now so that's good on this Labor Day. Prayers and good thoughts do help so much.

Sara, you certainly have your hands full. Just take it hour by hour and try to not feel bad for not doing what she wants all the time. You certainly did the right thing when you bought your house and moved out. You've enjoyed your gardening and volunteering so much. Hope you're back to that soon.

Laid down to take a nap and had three cats in bed with me but managed to sleep about an hour. Need to take down the trash when it gets a little bit cooler. So glad everyone's back on the porch.

]

Iris L.

It's great that you're walking and healing in rehab, Joan. Step-by-step you will improve each day.

Lorita, when I was young and visited my family down south, we ate butter beans. I don't see them in local stores now.

Sayra, I understand your plight. Does this ring a bell? It's not the work caregiving that's hard, but it's the opposition or the lack of appreciation for one's efforts that becomes onerous. I'm feeling sick of this myself, and I've just been making calls long distance.

Iris

Mint

Yes Iris a fairly accurate description. Sorry you are dealing with this too.

Lorita

Iris, they call the butterbeans - large limas. They're all white and enlarge 2-3 times their original size when cooked. Mine turned out all right.

Sara, is your mother still ambulatory and able to cook for herself? Just got back from taking down the trash and seeing the heifers - those I could see from the road. I really need to get a good count on them but some places in that west pasture are scary - there's so many berry vines - no telling what could be hiding in those - wolves, wild hogs, cougars and who knows what else. Maybe I'm going out a little early so will wait a while in the morning so maybe all of them will be in the meadow. See you all tomorrow. Joan and Day, rest well. Same for all the rest of us.

Iris L.

Wolves, wild hogs and cougars, oh my! Lorita, it sounds like you live deep in the forest. But I know, they were here first.

When I was in high school, we often were served succotash, a combination of small green lima beans and corn. I loved it!

Anyone who missed the Bob Barker tribute may be able to see it Labor Day morning.

Sayra, I'm going back to living in my bubble.

Iris

Mint

Iris glad you can go back into your bubble. For me that is not an option every day. I’m just thankful that my sister takes some of the days, makes a huge difference.

Lorita it is all very complicated. She definitely cannot walk as well as she use to. She still cooks for herself but eats very little. My sister and I both have brought her food but she either won’t eat it at all or tells us to not bring any more food.

ronald71111

Happy labor day to Lorita's front porch friends!

Ron

Jo C.

Joan - Hello! It is good to hear from you. I am sorry for the early post-op healing issues; that first week or so is not easy at all. My DH was on a pain med schedule as well as a routine muscle relaxer to prevent onset of muscle spasms. It really made him pretty much out of it and he said his mind was so foggy he could not think. He made the decision to stop the muscle relaxant and said he would start it again IF he got spasms but he never did. That helped. However, about the ninth post-op day he decided he could no longer tolerate the pain med side effects so he began to taper them off putting longer and longer between times and soon he was off. They were also constipating which was a problem for him despite daily softeners.

Each person is different and will respond to meds differently. Hang in there, soon there will be each day and each week becoming better and better. I so hope that your daily care is good and you are able to feel a sense of comfort with them at rehab.

Ron; thank you! Happy Labor Day to you too! Just another day since we are retired folks; counting blessings and being thankful. Hope Lou will have one of her good days today.

Sayra; as I recall and what it feels like, is that your mother has a dual diagnosis with mental health issues as well as dementia. That makes everything very complex. It is too bad there is not a way to see to it that she would be able to get much needed care at the GeroPsych level. Having adequate meds to ease her could add so much to her quality of life and the ability to manage at home

I had to work, no option; my mother refused to leave her home. She became a 24/7 care need. She also became wheelchair bound as she began to lose her ability to ambulate. Her behavior was so bad 24/7, that the 24 hour aides, even in shifts, would not stay. It got to the point that not a single agency would place an aide with her. To top it off, her husband, a meek and mild man who never said, "boo," had developed Alzheimer's Disease and he too was needing assistance though he had no significant behavioral issues. I was busy. She made him a target making his life hellish even waking him up at night to berate him. Food and not eating was also an issue for her that became part of it all. Control issue? Probably that was part of it. Oh my stars and garters! It was a monumental set of issues. The miles I put on my shoes!

What was amazing to me was when it became a NEED and not a choice to place, I expected a monumental ongoing ranting and upset from her. However, the opposite happened. She became much more calm in the SNF setting. What in the world??? She also began accepting meals; not in a huge way, but at least she was eating. Well; when taken home once more, it all started up all over again. Time once again passed and the NEED for placement was once again there. And once again, she became far more calm and had some degree of peace added to her days. Only thing I could think of was that at home, she wanted control and had none; there were a myriad of endless uber-triggers that kept setting her off. She could see things needing in her mind she wanted to do or to be done, and she was triggered at not being able; she could not watch TV or read due to the damage to her brain. Her husband moving about triggered her and she would not tolerate an aide in the house. Even belongings triggered her. Heaven help us if we brought anything new into the house - out it had to go! The decision again needed to be made for permanent placement. She once again became far more calm in the care setting, and she actually had a couple of pet aides she liked and seemed to settle more. She even attended some of the special events in her wheelchair especially when it involved music. She never could have stayed at home until her death. Later, she also began to need intermittent suctioning and that was not an option to not do so due to the discomfort level and her being completely alert. To have her more centered and comfortable in care was not only a big surprise but a significant blessing for her. When she reached a certain point, we had Hospice established in the care home which was an excellent facility; I was there being the daughter and not the overwhelmed, uber exhausted person myself. Each family has their values and expectations, but do try to make plans early for the 24/7 care which will arise. Too bad she cannot get to adequate care for assessment to have medication that could give her much more ease for her life as well as for her loving daughters. I send my best thoughts to you and your sister as you travel this path.

Lorita, I love butter beans and ham but have not had that in many years. So satisfying. Stomach still acting up and not tolerating solid food; so liquids it is right now. It will calm in its own time.

You have so many calves being born; it will be a big herd if this keeps up. Goodness, how does one even keep track! Wishing you good luck with the refrigerator issue and that it all works out for the best.

JeriLynne; what a beautiful photo, it looks so peaceful. What is that water there? Is it a pond or a pool? It must be a pleasure to sit and look out at all of that.

Son texted and said that his temp is gone, he no longer has aches or GI issues and now only has mild congestion with only a slight productive cough left. His main problem is intermittent fatigue that hits hard and cannot be anticipated. He tried to take his dog on a short walk down the block yesterday when the fatigue hit, he said it took all of his energy both physical and mental to get back to the house again; fortunately he was only a few houses away. It has been a bit over two weeks and it looks like the COVID is finally waning. I hope so.

One interesting thing I re-learned yesterday is that for about 12 months after having COVID, there is a much higher risk to developing pulmonary emboli or DVT in one's legs. Marta's adult son after COVID had a reverse blood issue happen; his hemoglobin fall very, very low and needed treatment after the COVID was gone. It is truly a terribly complex virus and it is still under the learning curve of the medicals and science. Sure hope we do not get it. Will get our boosters and of course mask when out near others.

Lady Peewee's sharing of her husband's service and about him is beautiful; if you have not seen it yet, it is touching to read it. Had me feeling tears; she is a loving person who did so much with so little and went the duration with grace.

Guess I shall mosey on down the road, have a good day today and may only good things find you all,

J.

Mint

JoC I understand. My mom has no diagnosis at all. But both things are possibly going on for sure. My sister and I are aware of that possibility. Hopefully things will work out for me as they did for you.

Jo C.

Oh Sayra; I was in the woods. It was like juggling watermelons while simultaneously tap dancing and whistling Dixie! There were so many things I should have done differently, but mostly did my best for what I knew at the time. I was also working full time. My car knew how to get to their house each day all by itself!

One reason for needed placement was that I almost forgot her husband in the throes of her behaviors. He was always the nicest quietest man who softly did not talk much or complain. As said, she made him a target for so much. I suddenly to my shame, realized he had turned into a gray ghost hardly communicating and never smiling any more and not eating much. He was shutting down and had no decent quality to his life. As said, she was a 24 hour behavioral problem even waking him up nights to berate him. Shame on me for not focusing on him more than I had been doing.

Also could not get aides with her there any more. Once she was admitted to care, he once again began to engage and smile and eat and was able to sleep at night. We were able to get a 24 hour aide at the house which worked out very well for him and his quality of life was so much better.

So much more to all of this and so any complex issues with so many things; it is like a compilation of many stories for many people, but it was all applicable to only one poor tremendously beleagured person who was at high risk and could not help herself or her behaviors in many ways.

Oh gads; the day she was trying to find the toilet plunger so she could physically attack her husband from her wheelchair while berating him . . . !!

There came a time, much later, that set of behaviors finally fell away, but not until she was much more compromised. It let us be loving to her and with her in her decline which also became a blessing. May she now be in heavenly peace

J.

Lorita

Afternoon,

Sara, as I've mentioned before, we lived on the same farm as mother. We'd take food down for her since it wasn't safe for her to cook anymore and the next time I'd come down I'd find it in the refrigerator. She either forgot to eat or didn't want to. Also took food with notes on it how to warm it and put it in the freezer - again I'd find it uneaten. It's a problem you have for sure but we understand how you're feeling - overwhelmed for sure. I felt that way, too, when I was trying, long distance, to find help for my sister. It's an ugly disease for everyone involved. I do hope things can settle down for you - you've done so much for he and deserve better. I know you want to care for her and keep her safe, sometimes it's very hard.

Jo, this morning when Stormy and I went down we found eight new babies with one cow, probably the newest mother, babysitting for all of them. All at once, the white one (I'm calling him Snowball) and a little black one jumped up and started running and playing. It's fun to just sit and watch them pay. I remember years ago we had over 100 head and at one time had 20+ babies. It was so much fun to watch them play. Somewhere I have pictures but where? Stormy and I drove over the west pasture checking to see if there were any girls among the berry vines and weeds - didn't see any. It'll take some doing to clear it - there are wide areas that are clear, then the berry vines that have crept out into the pasture. My count this morning was 30 plus the eight babies. Tomorrow it might be 32 again - hard to see black cows against the trees along the road. When I got home one of our cows was coming toward the house bawling so I opened the gate and drove down and closed the main gate so they could get the grass down the driveway. My shoulder has really hurt since all that driving. I have to remember to steer with my left arm. Still wearing my medical guardian while I'm up and around.

Iris, didn't see any of the critters I mentioned. We're on the prairie but there are quite a few trees - there's a creek a mile north of our house and trees along the fencerows. When my parents moved out here in 1936 there were very few trees - I've seen pictures of how it looked but trees have been planted and birds have sown seeds. Along that creek a few months ago Mike and Toad found a calf that probably a cougar had killed and dragged up into a tree - so they're around. Years ago, about dark, Charles and I saw a bobcat about the size of Sheena cross the road in front of us. Somewhere not far from here there have been spottings of a black cougar with a cub. D. thinks Toad has almost gotten rid of the wild hogs - hope so. I've never seen any of them on our place but did see a dozen or so on the section east of us that Mike bought.

Carol called this morning to tell me that her nephew passed away yesterday. He had bone cancer and was in hospice. He was young, like Sarah, early 50s. His mother and dad live near Dallas but she's not able to go back. They spent a month or more with him a few weeks ago. The trip is long and so hard on them - to Chicago.

There was a little bit of rain about 60 miles south of us this morning - they've moved NE of there so we won't be getting any of that.

Happy Labor Day to you, Ron, and to all of our front porch friends. Karen and I went to work at the VA Hospital sixty-two years ago tomorrow. Where in the world have those years gone - seems to have passed very fast.

Just had a story on our news about red wolves - seems they're almost extinct with just a few living in refuges. Not sure the ones we see are red wolves. I think these are gray wolves. They just showed some pictures and they look small, like coyotes. Gray wolves are bigger.

Sandy, enjoyed our visit last night. Hope all goes well today. Looking forward to seeing the pictures of the cows who are near you. Forgot to ask how the mules and horses are doing by now.

I wrote this, then deleted it, but I love prunes, raw or stewed. I had a bowl of them in the refrigerator and occasionally eat one or two - just like eating candy. Came across the bowl last night and there were four in it - so, I ate them. Guess that was too many. I recall Charles telling me that when he worked in a NH they gave all the patients prune juice one night each week. Guess that really works.

Need to stop and get those dishes done - also need to write some checks to mail tomorrow. I laid down on the divan when I got home and dozed off. I slept eight hours last night so shouldn't need a nap.

It's amazing, or maybe not, that our stories of caregiving for our loved ones are so similar in so many respects. We deal with all of that, then sort of forget the hard parts until we're reminded and it all comes back to us. Guess that's God's way of helping us cope.

JeriLynn66

Hello Friends!

This is my front porch view, a small pond and a silo left over from when my PaPa’s Holsteins grazed here.

The backyard picture is a swimming pool.

Iris L.

When I was on a trip to the Amazon, the guide warned us about wild hogs, so I was on alert. I heard a noise and a little animal, about the size of a big cat, came over to me. I stopped down to pet it, and it grabbed the front of my tee-shirt and began to climb in, the way a joey would climb into a kangaroo's pouch. Of course I jumped up before it was all the way in. I couldn't find anyone to explain this behavior. I don't know if there are marsupials in the Amazon. Perhaps it thought I was its mother.

Iris