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Mom wants to go home for 1 day... should I agree?
My mom has Alzheimer and has been in a care home for about 7 months. Since this care home is near my house, I can go there frequently to visit, about 3 to 4 times a week, depending on my work schedule for the week. There are days that she is calm and receptive and days that she isn't that nice. Even though that is what is…
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He's hallucinating today
Boy does AD keep us on our toes. DH just started telling me there's somebody moving around in the next room and he doesn't know what they think they're doing. I first tried the "oh we are the only ones here in the house now sweetheart" and thought he let it go. He was just humoring me.So, when he said he'd be calling the…
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Mil with AlZ/ Broken Family Dynamic/ No Planning/ Venting
A few months ago my MIL received an Alzheimer’s diagnosis. She had been forgetful and exhibiting symptoms of the disease YEARS prior. When this journey began, my husband had several conversations with his step-father asking that he seek out medical attention/guidance from a facility with dementia expertise. This didn’t…
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Building Reslience
To set the stage, I'm an only child with no extended family nearby who has my 88 year old mom with mid-state dementia living with me. I work from home. I'll be the first to admit I'm experiencing caregiver burnout. However, I also know that I need to build up my resiliency so I can let things roll off. While my mom is…
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Home Care and Assisted Living in MD
My wife diagnosed with moderate AZ in 2019 at the age of 55. I am the only caregiver for last 40 months. Cleaning, Bathing, Feeding, Exercise etc All done by me. Try to do everything to keep her happy. I am very tired and lonely now. Only relieve I get when cry to GOD at night by myself. She does not qualify Medicaid. Any…
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The Fallout after moving LO to a Memory Center
Hi Fellow Caregivers, Do you ever ask a question on here already knowing the answer? Here goes... My LO: Stage 5, living at home alone, anemic so sleeps a lot, prefers to be alone or only with family, has a care giver come to the house, and my sibling and I take care of everything else as a functional team. POA's, Elder…
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New caregiver and drowning
Hello, My dad has dementia-undiagnosed but with symptoms of sundowners. He is 93 and my mother-his primary caregiver is 92. They are stubborn and determined to stay in the 4 br 2 story with a walkout basement home. I live 45 minutes away but my sister who is retired and a nurse is within 5 minutes. My brother is 10 minutes…
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First virtual meeting with local support group today
My local Aging Matters helped to get me subscribed to a caregiver support group. They do not meet in-person currently, but there is a virtual meeting at 2 that I am planning to call-in to. This will be my first time meeting with the group. I'm really thankful that I have this resource now.
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Three Faces of Grief
Lately I have been much moved by the writings of readers and friends as they work their way through Caregiver Recovery. I hope you are too. Three Faces of Grief: Reflection https://www.stumpedtowndementia.com/post/three-faces-of-grief-reflection Three Faces of Grief: Anger…
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Getting out of bed
I wrote about my FIL being restless in the wheelchair and doing 360’s in the bed. Now he has figured out how to get out of bed. He is scooting to the end of the bed and going through then12” gap between the rail and headboard. He ended up on the floor twice yesterday, not falling, but sliding off the bed. We have a bed…
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Well meaning family members driving me nuts
I guess I just have to vent a little.... Today I got a whole series of messages from sisters & the aide. My sisters decided my mom needed to give a graduation gift to the 4th grader next door, and they figured the aide (who doesn't drive and must pay for Ubers) could go run the errands. I ended up spending an hour today…
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At a crossroads/late stage Venting
So after our horrible screwup with respite care (see previous post on it if interested) mom contracted COVID. She was in the hospital for 5 days. I now have it. She developed DVT with numerous blood clots in her legs. The very caring doctor asked me if I wanted to purse working on the clots in her condition. Wishfully I…
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Having to vent
Dh and I have been taking care of his mother the last 3 out of 5 years since she has been diagnosed. We have been trying to keep her on a routine. Our world was turned upside down on Christmas day of 2021. We lost dh sister on Christmas day due covid. We were all living on same property to have some help with mil. Since…
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A poem by Paul Micheal Fazio
My memory is leaving me My memory is leaving me and I feel so very sad I wonder if my life was good or maybe it was bad Did I have a girl who loved me so and also did I love her? I wish and pray that someday I could easily remember My memory is leaving me and I don't know what to do I think my only hope in life is getting…
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Refusing In Home Care
Really need some suggestions/help. Mom in middle stage and dad just given 6 months to live. He’s very weak, fighting bed sores from weight loss, and unable to cook. We live 2 hours away and can’t be there every day. Unfortunately they are in a very rural area that simply doesn’t have meal delivery service or even a local…
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Does the sneaking around ever get easier?
Tonight my LO shared a post of men in tiny speedo swimsuits on Facebook to his 500~ friends. He doesn't understand Facebook anymore but loves to sit and watch the videos of steam engines. I waited until he was in the bathroom and snuck in the bedroom and unlocked his phone and deleted it. I feel like a horrible person. I…
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Being accused by your LO for things you do to help them out - anyone else?
I am new to this forum, but I have found some helpful tips and hope I can get some tips for my issue. I am the caregiver for my mom, who currently is going through testing to see what type of dementia she has. She has been living with since September and prior to that she live with my younger sister in Virginia for about a…
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Meet up Events
Hello. My mom (68) has recently been diagnosed with AD but we have seen symptoms for years but she had a terrible neurologist (Very long story) the past 3 years but now has a great doctor. My father (71) is the care giver and he is running himself ragged to take care of mom. She is to the point of having panic attacks and…
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Just a reminder(1)
There's only so much one can do.... Don't forget to take care of yourself. You are worthy of more than this disease and we will win this someday.
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Forum itself
I was noticing that I have to log in each time I come back to the site, did a search and see that this has been an issue for a few years. Quick view of "View Source" and it appears that this appears to be a custom forum / job. Running on .NET (C# Background ?) If so, I've got a few years of C# .NET coding experience, and…
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In-home care advice needed - first post
My 78yo father is in the middle stages of Alz/dementia. He’s undiagnosed at the moment but my sibs and I are planning to bring him to his neurologist for a diagnosis in the near future. About 5 months ago, his previous neuro didn’t think he needed a diagnosis yet. But here we are: depression, irritability, dressing,…
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No POA - Options?
I'll try to be brief. MIL has dementia. We got a diagnosis in Feb. via MRI. She wouldn't stay in to narrow it down as to what kind of dementia, but we do know she had a stroke at some time. She has been showing signs for a number of year prior, but it wasn't affecting her life much. repeating stories during the same…
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I spoke too soon - he's graduating (no more hospice)
Oh well. This is just another one of those things. Seems they were waiting for his formal internal review to discuss and make a final decision with new team members. And he is going to be discharged next week. I think it was bound to happen now or in 60 days unless something major occurred with his AD, in the meantime.…
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Stage 7 New Development???
Hi Folks, Have you seen a phenomenon with your advanced stage LO in which they seem fine sitting up in their wheelchair (or wherever) one minute, and then they sort of just crumple and become unresponsive, and are then completely dead weight getting them back into bed? This seems to be a regular occurance for us now. My 89…
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Need advice on how to proceed
Sorry for this being long. New here so don’t really know the short cuts for words. Let me say first my LO is my husbands aunt and uncle. Aunt has dementia and uncle has Alzheimer’s, they live alone, still drive, and have children but no one has POA or anything so they can make decisions. Don’t think any of the actually…
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Soooooo....
I just posted last night about what a horrible week I had. I took it down. It was not very nice and very discouraging. I still want everyone to know that despite what you all are going through, you are soldiers. Whether you are struggling or knowing what to do, you all deserve anything and everything good coming to you.…
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What do I tell him about the people he’s seeing
Dad Hallucinations continue and he wants to know how these people are getting in the house and how we get rid of them. Telling him it’s his Dementia no longer works. He does not believe that. We been to the point of anger which we were able to fix with meds. I’m asked about every hour what can we do to get rid of these…
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Need Advice on how to handle not wanting to bathe or change
My father is in late stages of dementia. His demeanor has changed so much. Issues arise now that he doesn't want to bathe at all and gets very agitated. It's now been a month since he has bathed but has had a kind of sponge bath. Today he had an "accident" and refused to be changed. When this happens most times it becomes…
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Things to Remember
I am a brand new joiner and I have no idea why I didn't do this 3 years ago. Everyone battling this disease with a love one please remember that our loved ones did not ask for this and they can't do anything about it. Therefore, it is left to the ones that pull up their boots and dive into the situation, at times with no…
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Rocking and crashing into things
I made a lighthearted comment the other day that I needed to wrap my FIL’s geri-chair (and furniture) in bubble wrap, but it is really gotten worse and I’m wondering if there is an underlying issue. We did manage to get a urine catch yesterday with a condom catheter so waiting on the results of that. Anyway, if the wheels…