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Refuses help
My mother-in-law has Alzheimers and still lives alone but in a senior apt community. She refuses to let us take over and help her with finances although we do have power of attorney for medical and our son was given and accepted the financial power of attorney. In the past when we've mentioned she needs the help, she has…
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Dealing with early stages of this awful disease
Hi I am new here and appreciate this type of forum as we are all having to adapt to this disease. Before we moved out of state we found out that our MIL had a brain tumor. We never had a conversation with her doctor but we could tell there were signs of slight memory loss. My husband made the move out of state before the…
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Bittersweet Birthday
It's my birthday today. I've had a good day: my husband made me breakfast and coffee to take to work and had a present for me when I got home; I heard from my mom, my 3 siblings, and had lots of FB messages and texts. My husband and I had a lovely outing yesterday in the big city near us. It's also the first in my life…
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Should I tell my mom her brother passed away?
My mom has been in memory care for 2 years now. She talks very little and only a few words with no context. Her brother who did go visit her regularly passed away suddenly a couple days ago. Should I tell her or take her to the services. I really have no idea what she comprehends. She seems to know what's going on at times…
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Update on Decision & Question: Decline, delusions & agitation-next steps?
Mom (87yo) is declining rapidly in past 4 months and we (step-dad and I, sis occasionally) are seeing increase in her delusion that he has a GF, she comes in in middle of night and takes things, brings things, breaks things-mostly kitchen items or things in closets she doesn’t recognize-hairdryer, coats, utensils, serving…
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Nursing home time for Mom after hip surgery, doc says it is time, 2 Siblings not on board.
Mom just broke her hip and had surgery last Friday. Will need to go to nursing home for recovery. Then, doc says it is time for nursing home permanently. For the last 5 years she has had a caregiver in her home 24/7. Mom has mobility problems even before the fall and she has been in a wheelchair most of the time. She has…
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Dealing with addiction
Hello all, I'm new to this community so I'm not sure on the etiquette but I desperately need help. I recently had to take on the caregiver role for my grandfather. It's mostly okay I'm learning to handle all kinds of things I never knew I could do but I am struggling to deal with his addictions. He drinks and smokes…
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Holiday
My mom moved into memory care AL in September. I am wondering how people have navigated the holidays with outings to the home setting? We are fearful it would be triggering to her but I am also unsure she remembers this house since she was only there June-September. I just want her to be comfortable and happy
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Memory Care ALF
I’m beginning to have concerns with my decision on a facility for my mother. I need advice because I don’t know if I am being unreasonable and maybe what I’m expecting is beyond what this level of care offers. When I visit, my mother has been wearing the same clothes since my last visit (3-4 days ago). Her clothes are…
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Update on my dad’s a depression
when I last wrote here I talked about my dad’s fall and his depression. I am so grateful for the memory care assisted living he is in, they changed his meds with my permission to help him with his depression. He is doing so amazingly well! Still in the throws of grief as expected (mom died in sept then we moved him), but…
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Healthcare Representative for Connecticut vs. Medical POA
Hi all, I am new to all of this, as my mom was just evaluated by her primary care doctor after my prompting and is scheduled with geriatric physician for full assessment. She has already signed a healthcare proxy for me for state of NY (where parents currently live). I planned to also do paperwork for healthcare…
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Other health issues
Hi there! How common is it for an Alzheimer’s patient to have other health issues arise from having alz. And the doctors answers seem to be Alzheimer’s is causing all the issues. Basically heart issues and blood pressure issues are all related to Alzheimer’s. Has anyone experienced this?
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Checking the weather repeatedly
Our father frequently turns on the Weather Channel throughout the day and night. He runs to the door, looks outside, and returns to his room to turn on YouTube and watch animal videos. Six/Seven times a day now. We imagine this is possibly to ensure the Weather Channel isn't lying to him. This cycle repeats several times a…
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Finding things to do
Hi! I am searching for things for my dad to be able to do to allow me to get my homework done! i am currently in a doctoral program and a primary caretaker for my dad. He goes with either a family member or our caregiver while i am at school but once i get home i put him infront of the TV and he just watches the same thing…
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Having a baby in six weeks, dad is declining
I moved my dad into memory care a little over a year ago. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but he adjusted amazingly well. I moved him a few states away to be near me and I see him a few times a week. The MC he is in is really nice, the staff are amazing and I feel really lucky. But I don’t have any other local…
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Calling to shut off utilities
Our father has developed a belief that the utility bills are "stealing" his money, leading him to make phone calls to PG&E and Earthlink, demanding his money and requesting them to close his accounts. Fortunately, we have successfully established contact with the companies to prevent any potential disruptions in service so…
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This is fine....
Whenever our fathers leaves the room for a bathroom visit or a walk we check his room and photo everything.
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Tipping staff
hey quick question - do you holiday tip staff at your AL/MC facility? If so, who (and how much it you’re comfortable sharing)…
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Holiday wishes and a little sad
Wishing everyone in this amazing group a calm holiday. Im glad to report mom continues to do well in her MC. She is calm, engaged, and has friends. Her mmse score (9) sucks, but she still seems to know a lot of things: she knows family, she knows she likes her new place way more than the last one, she knows I visit, she…
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Memory Care in New Jersey
Hi all, my uncle (who raised me and is practically my father) was recently diagnosed with dementia. I live in NYC and he lives in Virginia, I’m hoping to move him to a memory care facility in New Jersey in a few months. Are there any memory care facilities in NJ that people can recommend? Thanks so much!
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Update on my mom
Hi All, I found a home in Kissimmee Florida that we can buy. Multiple homes are affordable there. Much better than Miami Beach, in many ways, but most poignantly: more affordable. Right now, we live in neighboring apartments. It works well because she and I are very close, but we have our own spaces. Also, my apartment has…
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It's been years since I've gone anywhere.
I haven't left the property in four years. I work night shifts doing chores such as feeding the farm animals. Always waiting for the cover of darkness, and have avoided daytime interactions with everyone for two and a half years. These sacrifices are what we make for our ungrateful dementia family members we care for.
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Shared Roons
My preferred memory care only has shared rooms. This memory care chain says that this is intentional and that research indicates that roommates are good for the brain health of someone with dementia. They say they match people up in a thoughtful way. Does anyone have experience with shared rooms? Do roommates really help…
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Mom's ALZ has dropped a level
Hi All, Over the past few weeks we are seeing a drop in her abilities. Mom lives in Assisted Living which is great. We have watched her cognitive ability drop from time to time and most recently about a month ago she started having hallucinations (thinks she is being held somewhere then realizes she is in her bathroom).…
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Breaking Appliances
My father has developed a tendency to break appliances in our home, adding a new layer of complexity to our responsibilities. Over time, he has managed to break the washing machine, dryer, oven, and now the refrigerator, which is barely functioning due to the damage. We have been left to find alternative solutions for…
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Lack of Showering
Our father has been going for extended periods without showering or changing his clothes (40 days at a time), which has led to skin lesions. He has incontinence-related issues too. These challenges can be difficult to address, especially when faced with the limitations set by authorities who claim our father has…
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Vulgar language around kids
my mom (66 years young) is in the late stages. I have a 3 year old son who adores her but in the last few months she’s been very aggressive and mean. She’s begun to swear a lot, using really foul language, saying the worst things imaginable in front of my son. I don’t know what to do. He’s old enough to catch on, but too…
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Vermin Rat and Mouse Problem
About four years ago California's Governor Newsom banned rat and mouse poison replacing it with birth control in an effort to save the mountain lions and wildlife. Unfortunately this has created an increasing epidemic of vermin. The entire neighborhood as well as others I speak with locally are suffering. This is…
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To all caregivers Merry Christmas....
Oh how the holidays have changed. Blessed are the caregivers like me.
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Holes in the walls
Our father has been cutting out holes in the walls, creating a significant challenge for my sister and I. We have so many repairs to do after he dies. We have found that taking away tools does not deter him from causing damage, as he resorts to using alternative objects, such as metal rods or other items he can find in the…