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My parent with dementia's Exboyfriend
My parent with dementia was living out of state and in a relationship with a man who as it turned out hid or did not reveal her dementia symptoms to family supposedly out of reapect for her privacy. I knew for the past two years that she had dementia due to observing her symptoms but she was not receptive to my concerns. I…
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Ambiguous Grief
Bill recently used the term "ambiguous grief," and I didn't know what it meant. Here's what some Googling turned up: …search results for the meaning and symptoms of dementia and caregivers' ambiguous grief. Ambiguous Grief in Dementia Caregiving: Physical Presence, Psychological Absence: Dementia causes a gradual loss of…
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New to the Group Dreading the Holidays
The holidays are hitting hard this year. In the last couple of weeks my mom has gotten noticeably more anxious which coincides with her not recognizing members of our immediate family. Thanksgiving was very difficult this year. She’s still physically doing pretty well it just breaks my heart to see her so upset and the…
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Length between appointments
My mom is in the back end of the moderate stage. Since she's been seeing her neurologist (maybe 3 years), the length between appointments is 6 months. Is this typical/normal? Thanks. Hugs to you all.
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A little humor
Maybe the last quip from MIL. She is in the “active dying” stage, mostly unresponsive. After spending a few hours with her this morning, I woke her up to tell her I was going home, I’d see her tomorrow, and I loved her. Although her speech is now hard to untangle, I swear she said “it was nice seeing you”.
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The last mile
I though I was ready for MIL to finish her journey but this is so hard. She’s dying of breast cancer which we chose not to treat. Hospice started morphine a few days ago. I never ever thought I would say this, but thank god for her dementia - she isn’t suffering and has no idea what’s happening to her. Although on some…
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My young dad is gone but still here
My father is 65 and in the late stages of Alzheimer’s. I just got guardianship and conservatorship of him after discovering his wife could not care for him properly. I just got him into an assisted living facility with memory care, but after only two weeks they can’t handle his behaviors and we are seeking for a new…
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Feeling sad - Missing our mom while she is still with us
We are lucky. After a number of hair raising, exhausting, heartbreaking years we finally got our mother into a safe situation. (for the moment) But now I am really missing her. I think of things I want to tell her and that she would have enjoyed talking about a few years ago and of course she can't. When she goes, I am…
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Need some word tracks
My Mom has been in MC for about 5 weeks. She’s not happy to be there but is slowly settling in. I live 6 hours away so most of my interactions with her are over the phone. I struggle with coming up with good answers to the same questions she asks me over and over again. “How long do I have to be here”? “Who do I talk to…
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How long did your loved ones stay in stage 5, 6, and 7?
I’ve read Tam Cummings staging and estimated duration of each. I’m curious as to everyone’s experience here on the time your LO’s spent in each of these stages? My DH went through 3 and 4 fast (just over a year) and is a solid 5 now with a couple of cognitive areas in 6. Do most make it to 7? I can handle a lot but am…
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New to the group
Hi to all of you. I just stumbled onto this site. I don't know if it's normal to have a dramatic turn in abilities or memory or if it comes and goes quickly? My FIL started down this road last December. He has bouts of not knowing how old he is. He's 77 and he thinks he is 20 then 30 then 50. He has always worked right up…
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Estate Planning for Long Term Care
I was on Colorado Medicaid for Seniors website and found some interesting information. They mentioned working with a Medicaid Planning Professional if you are over-income and/or over-asset. Have you ever done this or used Eldercare Resource Planning (a company they connected me to}?
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Bible Verse to Lift You Up 12/1/24
GOD IS WITH YOU AND ME Psalm 139:16-18 New International Version “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—…
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Improving emergency care for people with dementia
Michael Ellenbogen has been working on this important project for quite some time. He sent me the linked article. He is one of the co-authors. https://outlook.live.com/mail/0/inbox/id/AQMkADAwATE0YTEwLTZkZWMtZWY4Ni0wMAItMDAKAEYAAAMe8X2mg8UKQKMXq%2BSo2HGuBwC6%2FjKngSETRo24yIoaaSzbAAACAQw
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Holidays
My wife of 60 yrs passed last May after the long battle. I know she is in a better place now but the holidays are here now and it's taking a toll on me. Thanksgiving I broke down and my daughter was there to console me but with Christmas fast approaching what to do?? Loneliness is a killer. My best friend lost his spouse…
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What to say before taking DH to a day care place for a first time visit.
Hi, I have a question about what to say to my DH before I take him to visit a day care facility tomorrow. I am still his full time care taker with occasional help with our adult children. I am thinking of starting him out one half day a week and going from there, depending on how he does. He will want to know where we are…
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Epitome of Grief
Flying home yesterday with my husband from a lovely last hurrah holiday at a beautiful resort visiting good friends, our son, and grandchildren; he assimilates easily back into his memory care facility as he just doesn’t know, but I’m inconsolably choked with tears . During this getaway, I looked straight into my husband’s…
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Vacation
My husband has moderate vd dementia. Prior to this dx, we bought a timeshare that I am still paying on. The idea of not being able to travel and use that is awful to me. I still work full time and have a companion with him most of the day. Our last vacation was when I saw a huge difference in him and he "lost" the memory…
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Bathroom issues
Maybe I’m in the dark about what to expect, but this evening my husband went to the bathroom, was in there a long time. I went in to see what he needed and there was a mess in the sink and on the toilet seat. I’m not sure what transpired when he was in there but I’m thinking I need to hang out outside the bathroom door…
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Help with fiblet - moving DW into MC
I am moving my DW into MC next week and I am trying to come up with a fiblet to tell her on move in day. My SIL suggested that I tell her that I need to go back to OH (we live in WI) to take care of my older sister for a time and that I found a place for her to stay while I am gone. I do think she will buy this fiblet but…
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New here / 1 month into caring for mom at home
Hello everyone, I am grateful this forum exists. I am 35 and my mom is 72, about to turn 73. I’m not sure which type of dementia she has, perhaps mixed, but she appears to be in the beginning side of severe dementia. It’s also worth mentioning we really didn’t have a relationship before I moved her to my city last year to…
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How to get over how mad dad was at me for moving him to ALF
My dad passed away two months ago. It came four months after I moved him and my mother to an ALF. Mom has moderate dementia. Dad had COPD and late-stage CHF when I moved them. It was clear to me in the few months prior to the move that dad had become too unwell to care for himself or mom appropriately. I did not know he…
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My watch over dad has ended and it feels so empty
My dad took his last breath in this life just yesterday. He was 89 years old. He and mom, who has dementia and is in memory care, were married 65 years. I moved both to an ALF about four months ago. I think my timing turned out to be just about right. I thought the world would look different without my dad in it, but it is…
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Bible Verse to Lift You Up 12/1/24
GOD IS WITH YOU AND ME Psalm 139:16-18 New International Version “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—…
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Bible Verse to Lift You Up 12/1/24
GOD IS WITH YOU AND ME Psalm 139:16-18 New International Version “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—…
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Feeling hopeless & overwhelmed
Hi everyone, I’m new to this forum and I’m reaching out because I’m feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. My family lives in Louisiana and have been struggling with my dad’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis since 2018. He’s now in stage 7, and at this point, he no longer recognizes my brother or me. The only person he seems to recognize…
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How do you 'unhear' the mean things that are said to you?
I live out of state and have been caring for my Mom from a distance since my stepfather moved out because he could not handle her dementia and refusal of getting medical care in June 2023. In April 2024, I moved her into MC as she was unable to live on her own and after 5 or 6 emergency trips to help ensure the house…
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The Cavalry Is Not Coming: 9 Year Edition
This is an updated version of The Cavalry Is Not Coming. I repost this occasionally as I have been informed that this article has helped many caregivers. This edition is mostly the same, although I have brought it up to date and revised it to make it more helpful. October 1, 2024 marked nine years since my wife’s dementia…
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Its Our Turn. Preparing to say farewell...
Unbelievably, though we knew it was coming in the not too distant future, DH is transitioning right before my eyes. He rallied in the last 2 weeks, and now suddenly we are walking through the steps for last day/s on this earth. I will let you know when I can. For now, I have been assured by hospice that he is in very good…
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It’s over
MIL died early this morning. At the moment I’m feeling profoundly relieved and grateful that her journey is done. I know there’s a host of emotions waiting for me but just now I’m going to enjoy a little peace. It’s early morning here and I’ll wait til family members are up to call them. But the funny thing is I wanted to…