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Affording help or MC
I have always thought I could never afford to pay out of pocket for in home help or even have memory care as an option. We are not wealthy but we have too much to qualify for Medicaid but not enough to pay out of pocket. It is extremely important to talk to an elder care attorney early on in the process. Many people…
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Counseling for Mom
Hello all, I am trying to find Counseling for my mom who is now caring for my dad who has Alz. They are both in assisted living because she would not send him without her. She is depressed and would like to see a Counselor. I am having a hard time finding a Counselor that specializes in Aging/Caregiver support that I may…
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Out of state “friends” hardly there and know everything
I am so exhausted as most here are. I need a moment to vent some frustrations. Why is it family and friends from out of state feel the need to input opinions after little to no contact except maybe a 15 minute phone conversation every 4-6 months. One has little to no knowledge of disease progression let alone what has…
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Incontinence
My dad has become completely incontinent as far as urinating. He soaks the bed he sleeps in with my mom and she is completely fed up...she and the assisted living staff have to change the bedding every day. He soaks all the blankets and now we need to replace the mattress (although we have a mattress protector on the…
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New Youtube Videos -Medications / Depression
I just watched a new youtube video "Ask Dr. Tam Questions with Tam Cummings PhD" from Jan 7 and she provides information for some of the "should I or shouldn't I" questions about continuing meds for dementia for anyone who is interested. It's a little over an hour. Linked below.…
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Another decision to make with surgery
My DH had knee replacement and is recovered. I am glad he had it done, but I do see a decline since surgery. He has less interests now. We did puzzling often and now he sits and watches me, or follows me around all day. Sits more. Three years after cataract surgery a growth started on the eyelid. Biopsy were negative. We…
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Showering
I’ve been trying to get my dh to take a shower for almost two weeks now. When asked if he wants a shower he’s usually agreeable, I wash his back and then he is able to wash himself, however, this past couple of weeks he has either refused to shower, or as soon as he’s ready to enter the shower he gets irritated and then…
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What would they do in a different country?
I always hear that healthcare is better in other countries, so I'm wondering what a better healthcare system would do in this situation. My husband was in the hospital for 4 weeks for ulcerative colitis and complications. His colon got better, so he was discharged home. He is malnourished (still won't eat well), has…
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Crashing
Oh hey all. It's me…crashing hard again. I wish I had the strength that so many of you show, but I'm just exhausted and so heartbroken. The holidays were rough…trying to get her medication mixture together to slow the constant motion and get her some sleep at night. I have the sleep part tamed for now, but it seems her…
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DH is now at peace
I lost my DH of 38 years today. I was visiting him at MC as I did every day, and he was a little more aware of me and walking a little better than he has been of late so we were having a good visit. Gave me a kiss, responded “I love you too” when I told him I loved him. The nurse saw him walking with me and stopped to tell…
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Resentful and guilty
Hi all, I'm a newbie here. I cared for my dad when he had dementia and "lucky" for me he was a sweet warm wonderful person who always knew his family right til the end (died from other than alzheimers). My husband now has dementia, and he is not sweet, warm or wonderful. He has never admitted to a problem, refuses to…
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STAGE 8 - There is no other side of grief...
My soulmate husband Lonny passed August 12. I feel lost most of the time but am trying to find myself without him. Found this on a Facebook post today. So true. I had my own notion of grief. I thought it was the sad time, that followed the death of someone you love. And you had to push through it to get to the other side.…
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Parent losing a lot of weight
Hi, My 87 year old LO has vascular dementia, and she is only eating 30% of her food. She has lost 20 pounds 5' 7" 110 lbs. She was at the dentist recently, so her teeth are not bugging her. She is verbal, repeats herself, she can still play cards, the doctor said she is in the middle to late stage of dementia. It is a…
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Convince me
Convince me that I should let a stranger (social worker) in the intimacy of my home. Convince me that I should tolerate this invasion of my privacy. Convince me that I should go through another interrogatory that invades my life. Convince me that I will not be infuriated by all these questions that could imply that I’m not…
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How to handle being accused of not sharing information
Hi Everyone, What a start to the new year. I'm seeing signs of progression in my DH, diagnosed over a year ago with Alz. I saw signs about 3 years prior to that. I believe he's at the early stage 5. He used to accuse me of not sharing information with him, but it wasn't very often and I would just apologize and say I must…
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Where do you go for socialization?
I am thinking it would be helpful for DH and me to do more than just the normal day-to-day. We could benefit from playing cards, or a Bible study, or ping-pong. Our church is full of people who are older than we are, and not really interested in socializing. I do think we could find purpose in volunteering to help at the…
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Anyone RV Camping?
Here’s the thing. Right now DH with ALZ has short term memory loss and needs detailed instructions to do tasks. But he actually is functioning pretty well. We love camping and I have been trying to decide if we should just go for it and see how it goes. We desperately need to put fun into our lives while we still can. I…
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Putting sleep issues to bed
I see a lot of discussions out there about sleep or lack thereof. If meds like Seroquel or lorazepam or whatever isn’t quite working I suggest you ask about trying temazepam. It comes in 15 and 30mg doses. I’ve been using the 30mg for DW now for a couple of months and it hasn’t let me down. At first she woke up pretty…
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A big Ouchy for New Year’s Eve
First, Happy New Year. After being in the kitchen all day cooking up a storm, I spilled a pot of boiling water on my arm and foot. My skin started disintegrating before my eyes. So so scary. As I’m screaming in pain DH starts hitting me in the head. Thankfully my phone was near and had to call 911. It was an unbelievable…
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Constant Motion
My DW has moved from sundowners to near constant motion. The last two months have really been something. I'm not sure she had more than 5 hours sleep most nights, sometimes going over 24 hours without sleep and no loss in movement energy. Earlier she was much more agitated and then it shifted to general aimless wandering.…
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People just don’t understand
I have found that people just don’t really understand how hard this is if they haven’t experienced it. And that you feel so alone although you’re never really by yourself. The first couple of years after diagnosis wasn’t too bad, but the last 5 have been pretty overwhelming at times. My DW hasn’t remembered that we’re…
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When is a person considered incontinent?
I wouldn't call my husband incontinent but he urinates frequently, like every 15- 20 min. We are home most of the time and he does go to the bathroom himself but every single pr of underwear has urine stains. He only goes a little each time he urinates. When we do go out he uses the urinal in the car 1-3x per outing and…
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I am frantic
Over the past few months I have noticed cognitive decline in my husband. He often forgets things, brings me the wrong item I've asked for, cannot remember events that happened several minutes ago, i.e. that is, I will tell him something and he will ask me almost immediately for info I just provided. Our PCP has referred us…
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Baclofen
DH has had several episodes of hiccups lasting an hour to as much as 36 hours straight. The PCP gave us Baclofen 5 mg to use PRN. I read online that it is a muscle relaxant and side effects can be weakness, instability, and confusion, which all showed up. Today he is exhausted and sleeping. Has anyone used a dosage less…
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Getting lost while driving
Husband got lost for 2.5 hours the other day while driving to a nearbypark that hes been to a thousand times. Since then I have discouraged him from driving and now hes just really mad at me. I just don't know how to handle this.
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You have to laugh sometimes
DH tried to clean the toilet today. I walked in and it smelled industrial so I asked if he had sprayed something. He said yes he had cleaned the toilet. I asked him to show me what he used….. It was rainex windshield water repellent treatment😂
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DH somewhat aware of his mental state - how do you respond?
Hi everyone, I'm here again partly to vent and partly to see if anyone has any insight. My DH, diagnosed with Alz over a year ago <but I noticed signs over 3 years before that> and showing signs of being in stage 5. He still takes care of his personal care just fine and even does small chores around the house still. With…
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Bowel incontinence
My DH is stage 6. Up until recently he was bowel incontinent occasionally, maybe once or twice a week. Now it’s all the time. He’s always gone to the bathroom a couple if times a day, now I’m having to change him, clean him, 2-3 times a day. I guess he no longer has any control over it. I do have caregivers during the week…
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In my feelings
I’m new to the forum. I’ve read a lot of the posts over the last several months. The cliff notes version of my story is, my wife and I were married young. This past summer we celebrated our 33 rd anniversary. She was diagnosed with young onset Alzheimer’s disease at age 49. I was 46. We are in year number 7 of this…
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Quiet Cracking - So many of us suffer from this
Quiet Cracking: The Caregiver Struggle Nobody Talks About By Ellen Samson Not all caregivers burn out loudly. Some don’t quit. Some don’t collapse. Some don’t cry in front of anyone. They just… crack quietly. Quiet cracking is when you keep showing up, doing the work, and taking care of everyone else while slowly falling…