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new to this forum, help please
Greetings, all, We don't have a diagnosis, but there is clearly a profound change in my husband's behavior that has been ongoing for two years. I'm scared. He sees no changes in himself, and blames me for "changing." No one in our circle of influence or family sees any changes because he hides it so well. After decades of…
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How's your wife doing?
We all get a version of this, and we seem to start with 'fine' in the early stages, and then maybe some of us get fatigued by the question and get snarky in our responses, That's my history, but now I have crossed this new line, and honestly I'm a little stuck. I hear people ask me how my wife is, and they sincerely want…
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Advice needed regarding antidepressants!
My DH with EOAD and FTD has been on Cipralex since Feb. Started at a low dose and doubled it in April as I didn't feel it was helping much. We started the med because he was having suicidal thoughts and many 'down' days. He still gets stuck easily, especially with losing his license and not being able to drive his…
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Staying sane in an insane situation
Well DW is moving into the the next level of insanity in this journey. The bolts that are in airplanes are stress tested by pulling on the length and pushing the middle with heavy weight while twisting, heating and vibrating until it fails. That is what I feel like right now. An aircraft fastener being tested until…
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No Sleep(4)
It’s 6:00 a.m. My husband has had 3 hours of sleep in the last 3 nights. The last two he hasn’t slept at all. Paces all night throughout the house, , turns lights on. Last night he turned on the shower at 3:00. We have tried traxadone, seroquel, melatonin, Benadryl and Belsomra. Put a heater and electric blanket in his…
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Another insight to my wife's condition
I am both horrified and curious at the same time throughout this journey. Horrified for obvious reasons but curious to learn as much as I can about the disease and her experience with it so I can help us both navigate through it. Today as I was talking with my wife assessing her status a light went off in my head. Her…
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WOW! Thought I had a handle on things!
Such a hard week. Realizing I don’t have DH to really talk to about our everyday life .. kids, grandkids, financial stuff just everything! I actually tried to talk to him today about why I am so stressed. I woke up at 3 am and mind just kept going. My venting to him, as I finally realized was heard by a dementia mind! He…
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More advice please
After 2 weeks hospital, my DH was medically cleared, and we found a bed in geripsych to tweak his meds. I will say he did great yesterday showered for the first time in three weeks, and got out of bed and walked around the halls. He is much, much less combative and has been doing OK when the nurses try to change him. They…
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Possibly changing memory care
When I placed my husband I looked at 10 facilities and ultimately chose a nearly new one that was bright and cheerful. It had lots of activities and was very clean. Their price was low partly because my husband was pretty self sufficient. Fast forward to today. He is incontinent, needs help with dressing and hygiene and is…
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Have to laugh
We have been having issues over the last few days with how my partner interacts with other residents on her MC unit. The activities director was telling me that my partner still has her lifelong charisma (no surprise there) and that other residents look to her as a natural leader. But that leads to some funny and surreal…
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Nursing home ?????
I placed my husband in nursing home last Oct. He has been on Seroquel 50 mg per day which really helped him. The nurse told me they cut it back to 25 per day today did not say why, they called me and said they found him in the bathroom looking for a razor to commit suicide or wanted a gun. His depression is really bad…
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Medicaid Funeral Assistance May Help Pay for Funeral Costs
https://www.elderlawanswers.com/medicaid-funeral-assistance-may-help-pay-for-funeral-costs-19493
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DH is starting to withdraw from social engagements
A week ago today, two men from our church who have been friends for years invited DH out for lunch and a drive afterward. They were going to get pizza. DH accepted the invitation readily but when it came time to go, he had forgotten and said he wasn't up to it. He refused to go. He also didn't really remember who the men…
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Taking all his clothes off
Every time my dh goes to bathroom he now thinks he has to take ALL his clothes off! He says he’s freezing , so I have to put several layers of clothing on him, then he has to go bathroom, and getting all clothes off, then back on. I don’t understand the why, but he insists. Not only do I put layers of clothing on him, I…
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What now, husband refused to see attorney
I'm so disappointed. Husband and I had appointment with elder law attorney today, and I had to cancel. Husband refused to go. Attorneys office said to call back and they will try to do a conference call. I'm just sick of it all.
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Good read on bvFTD
https://neurosciencenews.com/bvftd-brain-sagging-22351/
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MC logistics issue
My partner is withdrawing in MC because she's reacting negatively to some new residents. Has anyone else had this kind of issue? I went in to check on my partner yesterday because twice in a week, she hasn't wanted to get up, get dressed, or leave her room. They had called me concerned that she was ill, but when I got…
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Memory care placement, one year ago today
I placed my wife in MC January 25th 2022. It was encouragement and advice from people on this forum that gave me the strength to do it, and I'm sorry I've not reported back here for several months. So to recap the last year, placement has worked out about as well as I could have ever hoped. Below I'll go into more detail.…
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Zauberflote. Off topic
Was wondering if you would be able to share name of your magic black box for battery. Would like to check into it. Thank you
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not sure where I go from here
My DH passed away from Alzheimer's on December 6. I got through everything with the help of our 5 kids. I also got through Christmas and New Year's with their help. I think I was numb. The kids and I spent his last week with him. We had air mattresses everywhere. I am thankful we were able to be with him. Got to hold him…
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My gentle DH becoming more afraid/aggressive
Hi, my DH is still afraid and he’s gotten aggressive towards some caregivers. The staff talked to me about it in front of my DH. He looked so sad and said so clearly “I’m sorry.” Broke my heart. I know dementia patients still hear and understand things like this. Anyway, they upped his meds a little and one…
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Checklist for diagnosis appointment
My wife of almost 40 years almost certainly has significant cognitive impairment. Enormous short-term memory loss, inarticulacy, huge challenges with executive function, as in, being almost incapable of using iPhone and laptop any more. (Some days better than others, which I'm learning is "normal"). Next week we have the…
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Stunning Death In Assisted Living With False Reporting
Stunning and horrific - the penalties for the facility were so low that they seem ridiculous. I feel so bad for the family who have to bear this: https://www.yahoo.com/news/were-told-mothers-death-peaceful-045500616.html J.
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Little heartbreaks
As you my remember, my DH is in the early stages of Vascular Dementia. Yesterday, out of the blue, DH asked me, "what do we use pita bread for?" DH used to make hummus, babaganoush, tabbuoleh, and I made falafel and a wonderful Syria stew and also a chopped spinach and walnut salad. We hosted many Middle Eastern meals. And…
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DENIED by Medicaid
As expected, Saturday, the letter arrived denying benefits for my poor husband in long-term care, in Hospice care and re-certified after 3 months to remain in Hospice care. Due to my father's death, 3 years ago today, and his wealth divided among my siblings of which we had no knowledge, Medicaid took it upon itself to…
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When placing in memory care is a nightmare
I’m curious how many with spouses/partners in small town facilities are still facing nightmares of Covid staffing shortage? My husband’s director often works the floor instead of directing, the RCC is pulled to do other jobs, the med tech position is substituted by a “trained” aide. The aides in my state do not have to be…
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nights are the worst
Peewee has started to wake up confused. Sunday morning Peewee woke up around 3 am and asked me whose house he was in mine or his. I told him we are in our house and he looked at me like I was from the moon. I told him that we are married and we are in our home. Peewee then asked me if we were married to each other which I…
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Are YOU safe to drive?
I think we all know that as people age, the chances for driving safely go down. That's just the way it is. Illness, hearing difficulties, reaction time, and vision all contribute to safe/unsafe driving. I think I still drive without a problem, as I'm sure you do too. So what kind of new laws would you support to keep the…
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Opinions Please(1)
The hospital said that in the next few days they will recommend DH return to memory care or geripsych. He was at a geripsych hospital for 4 weeks 2 months ago. That facility does not allow visitors. Do you think it would be best for him to return there since they know him and will be able to see first hand how far he has…
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Anticipatory Grief counseling
Yesterday I had had my first session with an anticipatory grief counselor (free through a local Hospice center) She was so helpful. We talked about the importance of self care (which she said i could teach her about haha) as well as human emotions like envy (I look at my married friends with envy for how they are enjoying…