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So what's it like ?
Well meaning friends and family will ask what is it like living with a wife who has dementia? I used to start to explain but knew I wouldn't finish before they lose interest and want to move on to how they have a great idea that they think may help. I pretty much have condensed the answer to "There are good days and bad…
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Treating New Medical Condition
My H diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2014, well into Stage 6, anosognosia, irritable, etc. Able to dress, bath, eat food prepared-when the mood strikes and remembers anything he is told for less than a minute. I make decisions based on "Is this a hill I want to die on today?" At 71yrs he suddenly has very high ferritin…
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Overwhelmed on this forum
Hi gang. On very many occasions I have landed on this site, read a post from someone asking help or advice, and I try to respond. I may type a page or two of carefully thought out and edited response...and then I just stare at it, and then I just....I just can't. I hit delete and leave the site and stare at the ceiling for…
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DH says doesn’t need any therapy
DH diagnosed with mild dementia last year. Neurologist recommend therapy- speech therapy will be helpful. He says he doesn’t need any. He watches tv, goes for a daily walk, eats and goes to sleep. That’s the daily routine. Doesn’t call friends, socialize. Short term memory is v bad, can’t remember the date or what was said…
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Four years since she knew who I was
I started dating DW in the summer of 1972. That was 50 years ago . By summer of 2018 she had lost all recognition of me as someone special. It pains me that I can't really share how wonderful she was. I know that I have felt empty and alone for more than 4 years. I was just on vacation with my wonderful daughters and 5…
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Live-in care partner
My DW has developed some durable delusions over the last few months, including frequent instances where she does not recognize me as her husband (47 years). In my small (so far) research into MC options, I am not eager to move into a new place that would have IL with adjacent AL and MC. I have a big house with an apartment…
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Good weekend
Hello everyone. I find this group to be great therapy in many ways. One in particular is when I make a new discovery about how to deal with this situation I can post it here. For a long time I had to just bottle it up. No one not in our situation really gets it enough to share in your self discovery. When I post something…
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ER, Hospital, rough week
My DH started with severe knee pain 5 days ago, went quickly to being unable to walk, I had so many near falls helping him from chair to bed. (It turns out it's gout and increased cognitive decline) My caregiver was not coming in because of appointments, no one for 3 days, so I was on my own. DH was just lying in bed in…
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DW despondent in MC
My DW Has been in MC since the end of April. She generally knows who her friends and family members are. She lost a significant amount of weight before MC and continues to do so. At times, her short-term memory is nonexistent. I went to see her this morning. One of her friends went to see her this afternoon and called me…
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CostPlus drugs
Has anyone used Mark Cuban’s Cost Plus mail order drug site? Memantine, if I use the drug lookup correctly, looks to be about $200 cheaper for a 90 day supply. (And we certainly could use the $200 elsewhere.) Has anyone used this? Is it as easy as it looks to be? We’re you satisfied?
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The man I had lost.
One of my sons wrote this short but meaningful poem recently. It brought tears to my eyes as I realized he was writing it about his dad. The man I had lost stands before me as lost to himself as he is to me. His smiles are no longer genuine pleasure but rather enigmatic ghosts. His loss to me is known; his own loss to…
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In 5 minutes it won't matter
I am reminding myself that for the most part in 5 minutes what ever drama that is going on it won't be in 5 minutes. It helps me to look forward. Without dread. Some have referred to the longest day, I am gonna say the shortest 5 minutes. Maybe it will help me get thru the next 5 minutes, when I am at wits ends. If you…
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Won’t leave glass of water on the dining table
DH was diagnosed one year ago with mild dementia. While he can still go alone for morning walk and get home, he can’t remember simple daily tasks. Every day, I ask him to leave the glass of water on the table, every day he uses that glass. I tried putting a sign on the wall nearby, sign on the water jug but nothing seems…
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Harsh Reality
My wife was officially diagnosed with AD on Feb. 2019, but unofficially as I look back it started at the end of 2017. As caregivers we face the brunt of our LO's downward spiral which at times lead to are own. It's funny even myself now I'm slowly forgetting the good times my wife and I have shared. There now being…
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Search for Diagnosis
Hello, my first post here. I am thankful for all the information presented here. It means a lot. Here’s my story: In the early 1980’s my FIL was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. We lived cross country and so only saw them in person once a year or so, but the early changes were dramatic. One year he could not bring up his wife’s…
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Should I move in with my parents?
Hello spousal caregivers! I'm a secondary caregiver to my mother who has moderate dementia. My father is her primary caretaker (he is in relatively good health), but Mom rarely knows who he is and gives him quite a bit of grief because of it. I live only 15 min away and help out near daily. Part of me thinks that if my…
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Update on placement(1)
It has now been 8 days since I placed my husband. I have not gone in yet but will go in next Tuesday or Wednesday. The staff say he is so sweet but has never asked about me. This is sad but good in its own way. I would not want him crying to come home. I can see a list of activities he has taken part in each day and…
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“Competent” as POA
My DW is in stage 4-5, and has frequent suspicions. If something is missing, she thinks it has been stolen, and similar fantasies. We have a set of documents, made many years ago, that give each of us POA for the other. I want to revise it now, of course, to remove that responsibility from her, but I’m sure she would not…
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Everything I own
… You sheltered me from harm Kept me warm, kept me warm You gave my life to me Set me free, set me free The finest years I ever knew Were all the years I had with you … And I would give anything I own I'd give up my life, my heart, my home I would give everything I own Just to have you back again … You taught me how to…
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Can someone help me understand purposely going on Medicaid
Hi Everyone, At the advice of this forum, my husband and I met with an Elder Care Attorney. My husband has a recent dx of dementia, possibly Alzheimer's, and are waiting 6 months to see a neuropsych for testing. DH does not have many symptoms yet and can perform ADL and drive. Most people would not know he has dementia. He…
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What to expect
My dw of 22 years diagnosed 2019 Lost sex drive although talks about it every so often ( she still knows I think about it) Everyone feels sorry for me as I loose her. It’s sad but I think it must get unbearable and want to know just what to expect. Everyone just talks generally. She Tomas with me, not necessarily adding to…
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Depakote and Donepezil
So I just got the call from the MD. They prescride these 2 medications. Does anybody have any experience with these good or bad. They didn't give me a dx. And are these expensive? And lastly any good ideas on how I can introduce these since dw doesn't take any meds period.. I know one is for memory she might not fight…
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Son wanting us to move in??
Our oldest son, who lives in NC, has graciously asked DW and myself to move in with them. I have thought about this, and thought about it and still haven't made a conclusion. Here is his game plan. They sell their house, which is very nice, and we sell our house, which is a nice older ranch style house in OK. We would…
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Whiplash
Hi Gang, I really do try to bring something to this forum, and when I read some of the stuff I put up when I was still emotional about it, I often regret it. It's not that I think a good vent is a bad thing, I just try to find something useful to bring to y'all. This last week has had some good moments, and I find myself…
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Cataract Surgery - Yea or Nay?
My DH has mixed dementia, Alzheimer’s and vascular. He was diagnosed in 2020 and is probably early stage 5. He went to eye dr last week and she said that he has cataracts in both eyes and he should have surgery. DH says he has no difficulty with his vision and doesn’t want to have it done. (He no longer drives.) My concern…
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Coping methods
Thank you all for the warm welcome with my first post. I am curious how other people are coping with this challenge. Up until 3 months ago I was playing golf 3 days a week and obsessed with practice, a full type A personality. I exercise daily and I can't get away to play anymore. Practicing like a maniac is very…
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Charitable donations
Is the Alzheimer's Association a good place to send donations or do those that run it take alot in salaries? My DH is 92 and has AD and for future reference I want to know when he passes if I should list the Association as a choice for friends and family to send donations in his name.
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Taking PWD from MC to Dr. Appointment
My wife is in MC (9 mos) and is under care of in-house pcp for general medicine. Her psychiatrist manages her anti depressants and anti psychotics, and now anti seizure meds. The pcp’s PA visits all the residents regularly and the pcp is always available to the staff for emergencies. I schedule phone calls with the…
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The new normal
Every day sees changes that keep adding up. During the last six months or so, DH constantly says umm, umm or huhh huhh. Sometimes I can tell he is singing, mostly it is just the umm or huhh sounds. When I ask what he said, he says, "nothing." He does this all of the time, unless he is asleep. Conversation is limited and…
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On the finances of memory care
Memory care is expensive no doubt about it. People with spouses fall into different groups 1) there are people who cannot begin to afford it at all 2) there are people who can afford it for some limited period of time 3) there are people who can "afford" it for a limited period of time at the expense of putting themselves…