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How to admit and explain my need for support
I need to learn how to open up so that my few friends and distant family members understand more about my caregiving role and feelings. Possibly the support I need could come from them. What usually happens is they ask, How is Husband?? We never get around to talking about me. I’m usually the helper, I prefer to talk about…
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Final arrangements for AL
First of all, I want to thank all of you for your experiences, wisdom and care. This group has been such a source of help for me. I have secured a room for dad in AL. Just have to pick a move in date. He is sad and hopes he can come back home someday. Letting him hold onto that but we all know he won’t. Told him doctor is…
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Brothers keeper
hi, I am new to this site. i was the primary caregiver for my brother, who was diagnosed with vascular dementis this past March. He had a series of strokes 12 years ago, had aphasia as a result and very slowly began to get worse with his memory, driving skills. I took his car away from him in August because his neuro…
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No SNF will accept my combative husband
Last week my husband was coughing, sneezing, weak and unable to get out of bed so I called 911. After 12 hours in the Emergency Department he was admitted with a diagnosis of influenza A. After a week in the hospital his flu symptoms are improved, but on his third day of PT he can only stand for less than a minute and…
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Night time wandering
Hello, this is my first post. My mother in law has Dementia (Vascular/Alzheimers) and live with us. She has recently started getting up at 1am-3am wandering around the house, staring at the doors/walking through rooms/staring at open refridgerator/making coffee- etc.... My husband and I have set up Blink, Ring, to monitor…
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Wanting to die?
How do you all respond when your LO says she just wants to die? I know to attend to the feeling of being overwhelmed - I tell her I understand she feels that bad. She feels useless and a burden. We make sure to include her in cooking and cleaning with tasks she can do. I understand that it's the depression speaking, but…
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How do I change my Identification in the Forum?
I want to change my screen name in the forum. How do I do that?
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Our year with aides. Quit, quit, next, and next.
Just sharing the history of aides this year since others have shared their experience. First aide had to be told everything or would not move even to fix him something to eat. The next aide didn't want dad to participate when he was able. Would always spoon feed him when he was able to do so on his on just slowly. So…
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Had to send her to hospital
I couldn’t manage her comfort, her O2 was down in the 50s. No one would help me. I can’t go with her because i’m still positive for covid. This isn’t what I wanted but hopefully she’ll get comfortable and can come back home at least. she’ll probably even rally. Trying to stay positive but feeling a bit defeated. if this is…
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New here-help re caregivers
My mom is my dad’s caregiver she is 83 and he is 90 in late stages of dementia. He is from Italy and often reverts back to speaking only Italian on bad days. My mom finally accepted help from a care giver who comes 4 hours a day for companionship. However when she leaves he sometimes starts in with my m very nasty putting…
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Nursing and bed shortages
Although I care for my husband at home so far, I’m concerned about the shortage of nurses, aides, care facilities and most especially Medicaid beds in my area. AL businesses commonly don’t answer their phones. My sister waited 4 months on the 3rd floor of a hospital for a Medicaid bed, at a place 100 miles away. At her…
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Hospice nurse says hubby may graduate soon
she told me yesterday and I've been up all night worrying. He is skin and bones, bed bound for months. they say he has numerous TIAs, some days he eats alittle others not at all. Uses a nebulizer now and medication for secretions. I have to feed him , he is totally incontinent now. He has "episodes" where he hallucinates…
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She had me concerned
Before sharing what happened, I want to start by saying that it wasn’t as bad as it sounds at first. I walked into the kitchen and slipped on some liquid on the floor. I felt my wife’s diaper and it was the fullest it had ever been, even though it had not been very long since I had changed her. When I got her into the…
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Hidden in plain sight!
Yesterday I noticed my mom was carrying her mug of coffee around but I got distracted and forgot about it. Last night I was doing the dishes and I had a feeling that the mug was still missing but I didn't see any while I was collecting dishes. I assumed it was either already washed or amongst the dishes I had there. I just…
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Physical decline: when and what to do
Mom is 89, likely Stage 5 AZ. Recently she has become much less steady on her feet. Has had a couple of not-serious falls (lands on her butt). I have a hunch she is begining to have AZ related physical decline. Her short-term memory is horible, long-term OK. Occationally disoriented (thinks she lives in a different city).…
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Neurosurgeon won't operate because of Alz.
DW has spinal stenosis and osteoarthritis bad. Had MRIs and the situation is intolerable, constant pain and in tears, cannot walk and is highly medicated on oxycodone. Doctor refuses to operate because of her "cognitive condition" suggesting she be on high doses of medication. This is not acceptable, she's not a vegetable.…
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Question on medicare 5 year lookback
I have been taking care of my mother the last 8 years. She is geting worse and worse as each day passes. My question is...we never wrote up a verbal agreement but was understood that she would pay her fair share when she moved in with us. She pays for all the groceries and in the last 3 years has paid the phone and power…
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Thinking of you all
Now that hubby and I are on the other side of our five year dementia journey, I still read posts and I am commiserating with and praying for you all. We took care of my FIL first at his house, then our house, then 8 months in MC, then back at home for the final 10 months. There were times this year, I never thought this…
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I got it!
I have Covid! I’m very upset and feeling quite dumpy. I’m afraid I have already exposed my 85 yr old mom with late stage 7 Alzheimer’s and my newborn grandson who’s only 5 days old. Fortunately a friend came by to help me today and will hopefully come back tomorrow. The service we use pulled out. I am my mom’s hands on…
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Before she evens starts the new caregiver quit
I am not surprised and very relieved. Since my sister is no longer part of the care team my daughter, who helps me, & I will have to be more creative in the balancing act of our lives. My daughter helps me, as much as she can, between her 2 other part time job and raising 3 children. I am also going to take the suggestion…
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Incontinence Struggles
My sister has been experiencing nighttime incontinence for 3-4 months now. We have all the supplies - bed pads, mattress protectors, nighttime underwear, etc. Cleanup problems are minimal due to all the protective measures we have. The problem is my sister is really struggling to deal with it. I help her get cleaned up and…
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Changes to Veterans Administration Health Care Bennies - FYI
We had our Annual Case Review last week with the VA for my sister. According to the social worker, the new assessment tool they use indicates my sister is only eligible for 7-9 hours a week total for services, both day care and in home care. This past year, she was authorized for 25 hours of adult day care; we probably…
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How to take over finances?
Sadly my husband has become incapable of managing finances. Just this week he took one of my checks, wrote it out for $1000. and signed it, but left the name blank. Then he put it a neighbor's door. A few days later his wife came to my door and gave it back to me. Mike believes this neighbor Scott, speaks to him and has…
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New to group(7)
My mom is in the later stages of Alzheimer’s. Just curious when you get hospice involved. She talks but only makes sense about 1/2 the time. Is incontinent and lays around for the most part. We are just unsure where to turn at this point. Her dr is not a lot of help. So thinking we need to make the connection with hospice…
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I Miss My Mom…
I just want to share that I miss my mom, and no words can sufficiently, accurately describe the depths of pain I have been feeling. She’s here, and she’s not. I need her right now, more than ever, but she simply cannot be there as I know she’d want to and was before her symptoms started to ramp up (she’s stage 6 right…
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Confused and guilty
I have posted before about my dad. I am trying to care for him after my sister passed away 4 months ago that lived with him. I struggle with MC placement because I am now an only child and mom is gone too. I know he shouldn’t be alone but does ok. My plan is that I am researching visiting MC facilities. My dad fell last…
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Bible Verse to Lift You Up 12/10/22
A TIGHT REIN GOD THOUGHT: James 1:26 “Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.” VICTORY THOUGHT: My faith calls to be careful what I say. POWER PRAYER: Come into my heart, Lord Jesus, and govern my tongue, so my words will…
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Medicine noncompliance is maddening
My mom, a dementia patient, began having absence seizures after a fall resulting in concussion six years ago. She has been on Vimpat ever since, but for the last six months has become increasingly noncompliant with medications. It is a daily battle twice a day for the AL staff and caregivers. She will not listen to me. She…
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Involuntary commitment?(1)
Not sure what else to call it? My 86 YO dad is fine as long as I'm the only one caring for him. He will not allow respite care, my sister can help once in awhile but not enough to make a difference. Frankly, I'm done. He's in my home and I want him gone. I don't even care where... he's angry, his pathetic attempts to…
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Looking for Recommendations
Hello, I am looking for recommendations/suggestions. The first is for a good bedside commode that can fit over a toilet with a padded/comfortable seat. I have one with a hard plastic seat and am looking for something sturdier/comfortable. The second is for any ideas on how to make a hospital bed headboard/footboard look…