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Staffing in MC facilities
I have been touring MCFs and getting more confused about staffing ratios. Some of the facilities include the activities person who may be part time, the nursing staff who may not do hands on ADL care or others who may or may not deal directly with the resident. One place included the director. I am trying to get answers on…
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My Visit to a Memory Care Facility
Prompted by all of the experience of this forum, I visited a memory care facility to get a plan in order for if and when I need to make decisions. I chose this facility to visit because they have the entire spectrum of care onsite (independent living, assist living, memory care, advanced care, hospice). It is a very nice…
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Advice for caring for spouse
My DH has been having memory problems for several years. I am his caretaker. He is 93 and has some physical problems. I am soon to be 90 with some health problems of my own. I must use a walker to get around and no longer able to drive. He is reluctant to discuss his problems with anyone else. We have most of our needs…
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Bible Verse to Lift You Up 5/14/23
Dear Friends, Again, I thank you for your encouraging messages. If you need a prayer, please also include those as well. Peace Always, Ronnie (Veronica Kelly Badowski) * BE LIKE JESUS * Philippians 2:1-5 New Living Translation Have the Attitude of Christ 2 Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort…
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By White Crane: Compassion Fatigue and dealing with new confusion
I just read an article on Compassion Fatigue and it really hit home with me. It sounded like what I have been experiencing but had no name for. I've been feeling impatient, tired, and a number of other feelings. The article talked about our reaction when our empathy is pushed to the limit. When we want to help but are…
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Bowel Incontinence Supplies
DH and I are moving into new territory with bowel incontinence over the past 48 hours. Casualties so far: 2 white comforters, copious fitted sheets, 1 mattress. I expect all to make a full recovery. Recommendations for battle supplies? underwear/diapers, bed pads, mattress protectors. He’s 5’11” and 172 lbs. Had my pity…
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Spouse still working
Anyone have a spouse who is still working? Mine is in a management/customer service role, and has always succeeded there. However, he's become increasingly agitated over challenging situations, frequently says things like "nobody understands" him, and often says people accuse him of lying. Everything that happens is always…
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Struggling with DH VD and inappropriate behavior
Hello. Im new here but desperate for your help and guidance. My husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia. The inappropriate behavior that accompanies it has left me devastated and it absolute shock. I do not know how to deal with it. I want to confront him, but I think I need to get my emotions in check before that…
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There is a special place in heaven for you
Yesterday while shopping with wife and were stopped in front of the Peanut Butter. I pull off a jar of clunky. Wife say I don't like clunky, for 50 years she would not eat smooth. So I am standing there blocking the Peanut Butter like a deer in the head light, another shopper ask me nicely to pass some smooth, I look at…
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Fear in stage 7
My husband is the last stages of AD. In the last week he seems to have developed fear of I guess falling, but can’t be sure. If I push his wheelchair through a doorway he grabs both door jambs and won’t let go. Same if I move him from one place to another- he will grab on and not let go. It took two care personnel to get…
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By Dio - Will this phase change?
DH is now in MC, but he still resists changing his soiled pants and gets really anxious when staff takes away his dirty clothes. What is this fear that has clawed into his veins? Yesterday, he told staff that I had visited (didn't happen) and that I said it's okay (didn't happen) for him to go home. Will he ever stop…
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By Ed - a home monitoring system that might be worth a look
I didn't look into this in depth, but probably worth a look. https://www.engadget.com/roku-unveils-a-99-smart-home-monitoring-system-130002352.html?guccounter=1
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Silly little steps, caring for me for a change
This may seem silly (it strikes me so), but i did two things today that have already made me feel better: i bought a Roomba, and signed up for a cleaning service once a month. No more dog hair in the corners. Sign of how overwhelmed I've been not to have done it sooner. My kids think it's hilarious. Baby steps but steps by…
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Bad day
We all have them. Today I had to bite my tongue when 1 more person told me the it would happen in God's time. We just couldn't see the big picture. I know I believe that but in the trenches I can't handle it. The other phrase that has gotten to me is "Have a nice day" I say politely thanks you too when I really want to say…
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Emotional/Verbal abuse vs. Physical abuse
Because I can chalk this day up to yet another of a string of being yelled at etc. I’d like to know why we ,meaning the people that are caregivers, are supposed to justify our LO ‘s poor behavior because their brain is broken and accept the verbal and emotional abuse, but as soon as it becomes physical we need to have a…
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Last days question
Ok. Hospice has told me that since my DH is no longer eating or drinking on his own that it is time. The nurse however told me to keep giving him his pain pill and anxiety pill. The PA told me this is because if he starts gasping or struggling that the anxiety pill would take 30 minutes to start working. My question is…
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Information
Please do not give out personal information you may know about other posters like where they live.
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Placement, guilt, identity lost
Placed DH yesterday after over 11 years of early onset disease. So many factors, many discussed here, sealed my decision. Was asked to give him a few days to settle in, but call whenever I wanted. I know I made the only decision I could, but I am concerned about myself. Guilt, sadness, crying, emptiness after 40+ years…
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aiming urine outside diaper
Ok. I'm needing ideas although I hope no one else has faced this but I bet someone has. My DH is reaching into his diaper and aiming his stream outside the diaper. I kept thinking that I just hadn't placed it correctly till today and I "caught" him reaching into his diaper. I stopped him but later he did it again. Filled…
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After Respite Care
First post but have been reading and learning for months and need advice. We've been muddling along for 61/2 years at home with DH in probably late Stage 6 ALZ and finally going to day care 2X/week. I want and need to go on a family vacation but lake cabin is 10 hr. drive and no direct flight away. Last year was very…
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Should we stay longer?
My DH is part of a very distinguished family of Hungarian Jews. A cousin of his has written a history of the family from the 1700s to today and it is the subject of a museum exhibit in Budapest. The same cousin has arranged a family reunion and celebration at the museum in early September. We plan to attend. This cousin…
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The things you learn
Now that my husband is on crisis placement, I get more help from different psws and a new lady came on Monday. A soft spoken lady from Eritrea who did not take no for an answer. My husband when asked if he would to be changed and cleaned usually says no. Well this lady wasn’t having any of that and kept at him until we…
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Assisted Living
I am POA for my friend. She has at home care 9 to 5. I see her confusion getting worse each time I see her, once a week and I worry about the hours she is left alone. Assisted living would be more cost effective and better for her but she is resistant to the idea. WE attended a brunch and my friend was suspicious at first…
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Anesthesia for ftd person
My husband is early stage, entering middle stage dementia and is scheduled to have dupytrens contracture (outpatient surgery) on his hand with general anesthesia. I am worried how the anesthesia and recovery after will affect him. He doesn’t do well with change in general. He needs the surgery but I am concerned how this…
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Thoughts from a caregiver who has placed by toolbeltexpert
I had written this last week and saved it as a draft not sure if i wanted to post it, well here it is maybe you are going thru this ? Well I am well into almost 10 months and some things really get to me. One biggie is dw asking are you gonna take me home with you? That almost immediately sets my innards into a wad that…
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Our anniversary
So this Tuesday is the 25th anniversary of our first date. I was 28. He was 39. We had been talking for a while online (we met on AOL 😂) and finally decided to meet in person. He picked me up at my parent's house and we went to dinner and a club. The first time he hugged me I knew I had found my person. When we returned to…
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How did you get a diagnosis, and then what do you do?
My DH was diagnosed with 'likely' Alzheimers five years ago, based on an MRI (hippocampus at 1% of normal size) and repeated cognitive tests. He has been declining since then, but how do I know it's Alzheimers? Could it be Lewey Body? Does it matter? His doctor seems to be only interested in the annual Medicare physical,…
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Need ideas for peeing in the bed
Okay I'm using chucks so the sheets are okay but the covers keep getting wet. My DH is grabbing it and aiming out of the diaper. I am going to wear out his covers. I don't think a chuck would stay in place to protect his bedspread. What about a raincoat or a shower curtain?
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White Crane: Gotta laugh or I'm gonna cry
A couple of days ago, DH and I were sitting in the living room relaxing. I think he must have dozed off for awhile or something. He suddenly picked up one of the two TV remotes and asked, "Is this an aspirin bottle?" The question was so unexpected that it surprised me! I told him no, that's the TV remote. Then he picked up…
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change for the worse?
My DH is clinging to the bed rail and wont' let go. I also had to feed him his breakfast. Good thing it was oatmeal. I don't think he could have swallowed anything else. He is also shaking. He has Vascular Dementia so I am thinking he had a stroke last night or yesterday? He didn't eat supper but I have let him sleep…