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For any CALPERS retirees and caregivers of
We have been married for 37 yrs, my husband has had several strokes and has VD. Luckily his memory is still intact, he is capable of carrying on a conversation, understanding and can make his own decisions, albeit slow with his processing speed. I have always handled finances, bills, investments,etc. I thought I had taken…
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Another Step Down
I can’t rant, my compassion and love for my DH is too deep but I just need to talk to those that understand. I had a friend say to me yesterday if you ever need to rant just call, so kind of her but I don’t need to rant I need to cry sometimes I’m just so sad about this debilitating disease. We have this wonderful…
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Repercussions from shunt surgery.
My husband had a shunt put in for NPH (Normal pressure hydrocephalus) in July. Before that he had early Alzheimer’s dementia. After surgery, its a lot worse. We had to put door handle locks on the doors, shower & bathroom bars in the bathroom. He doesn’t remember anything. He makes things up, hallucinates. He’s losing his…
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Still waffling on MC placement
After touring MC facilities for my plan B, I started thinking that maybe DH would be happier and better cared for if he was there. There are a few reasons for this which I won’t go into but I haven’t made a decision yet. I am not good at being decisive - ironically that was one of the things that attracted me to my DH at…
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We need a Plan B
I lost a favorite neighbor this week. She was caring for a husband with Parkinson's but was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer three months ago. He is now in a nursing home with hospice, and her funeral was yesterday. We may intend to care for our LOs to the end, but God may have other plans. It is important to have a plan…
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Anosognosia—When People Don’t Realize They’re Impaired
https://thedawnmethod.com/anosognosia-when-people-dont-realize-they-are-impaired/ The topic of anosognosia comes up regularly, particularly for people who are new here. It's confusing and confounding when your LO can't see their own impairment. I think this article is a good introduction. I hope it's helpful. People who…
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Do we ever sleep?
Here it is at 4 am. Been up since about 2:30 am, not unusual at all. As I scroll through the threads here, now and then offering my two cents, I noticed the times of postings. Amazing number seem to be posted during the very late hours of the evening or during the overnight hours. Do we, as caregivers, ever sleep? I know…
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Post for Lgb35 on Semantic Dementia
Lgb35 I saw your recent question on how to get info on Semantic Dementia (SD) in another thread but I thought answering there might get lost. "we received confirmation today that DH also has Semantic Dementia. When I asked for resources so we know what’s next and how this form progresses, I was told to look up FTD…
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Guilt and Regret
My wife passed away 8 months ago, and I was taking care of her 24/7. It was getting difficult, sometimes I lost patience and was abusive to her - other than the grief that I'm still going through for someone who I loved so much, how do I handle the guilt and regret that I feel at times? It was getting really tough at the…
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Taking advantage of not remembering
I think others have mentioned this but I take advantage of PWD's inability to remember in order to avoid problems. For example, PWD tries to peel label off of a bottle (salad dressing, or whatever), but fails since it's difficult and can make a mess or spill things in the process by forgetting to cap the bottle. Rather…
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Downsizing with Dementia
It's been three years since the official diagnosis though it was happening way before that. And I realize I haven't looked back. I haven't looked back at how we were before all of this crept in ever so slowly. And I actually forget who he was sometime back in our lives together when I never imagined anything like this. And…
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Geriatric Psychologist
Hi, My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She is still in stage 1 and can be independent. Has anyone gone to a geriatric psychologist and did it help?? I appreciate all the help I can get. Thank you!!
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Social Scientists, We Are Here
As I read through the threads on here and, like all of you, find great value and comfort from this forum, I am struck by the discrepancies between our real life and what is described by most (I am sure there are exceptions) articles or studies. As I began our journey, the medical community could offer little, if any,…
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When siblings do not help
Hi, I have a mother who was just recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I have 2 other siblings, but they do not move unless I remind them. I am annoyed and frustrated. What can I say or do for them to help out?
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Our journey together.
We are in year 3 of my wife’s battle with Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease but I still feel this way with her. To My Beautiful Wife Each time I look at you, I just smile to myself and think, You are perfect just the way you are, my one in a million. You are my special kind of love that makes me realize that life gave me the…
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DH always wants to leave the house
All day long, DH is constantly wanting to “get going”. He is fixated on walking a specific route in the neighborhood. We walk the route, stopping to talk to anyone we see (which is another challenge), we come home, change out of our sweaty clothes, then he says “are you ready to go?” This goes on ALL DAY LONG. He doesn’t…
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Feeling alone and lost
I have not got a diagnosis for my husband yet but its so difficult as he used to do so much and now he jist sits and I can't get him to do anything . I have been finding all kinds of stuff in trash cans almost daily I feel like a dumpster diver. if I asked him why he say I dont know and just like he didn't do it. I been…
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Sundowning
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living the movie Groundhog Day
My wife and I have had a wonderful 40+ years together. Recently, the neurologist diagnosed her Alzheimer's as "early moderate" stage. I believe the moderate stage began during the past year. The biggest change so far (in the moderate stage) is not greater loss in memory (although there is some). Rather, it's behavior…
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Refusing to take meds
This is a new problem for us. My DH is pitching a FIT when it’s time to take his meds. He absolutely refuses to do so. I’m probably not doing this right, but I beg him to take them for his dr’s sake. Last night I begged him to take them for Cody, that’s the dog. He did. He started chewing them a few weeks back, so I…
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Grieving
I find I am grieving the intimacy that we used to have. I tried to hug him this morning he said to me, I don’t love him. I felt like it tore my heart right out of my chest. We have been married for 67 years. It is my DH. I find myself often in tears I’m 84. I feel like I live in the house alone. He gets angry so easy I do…
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Help with restless, sleepless nights
At bedtime, my wife will sleep for about an hour then will become restless and repeatedly get up and down, then roam around the bedroom and upstairs all night like a zombie. She has moderate/late stage Alzheimers and takes risperidone (Risperdal) but doc is weaning her off and will replace with Geodon soon. She also takes…
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Is neuropshych exam worth it now?
DH was diagnosed with early AD via PET. We have upcoming scans to see if he's a candidate for the infusion treatments. We have a neuropsych exam (the 3-4 hour one) scheduled. Is it worth it to still get it done? Costs are rising and I'm not sure the value. Would love to hear some opinions.
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Considering move into Assisted Living for both of us
DH has AL, probably stage 4. He is 90 and I am a couple of years younger with my own health issues but still an active senior. Our children are concerned about 2 things: firstly what will they do with their father if I am suddenly incompacitated or die, and secondly they see the strain this is putting on me. In all…
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So over this...
I hate my husband. I've been thinking this way for a long time and just felt like I needed to say it. I hate everything about him and this disease. I have no help, so the last 7 years have been very difficult. I have some in home help starting soon. Sorry to burden everyone with such a negative post.
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How long can show timing last?
I was purposefully eavesdropping on my DH's phone conversation with his Mom because that's the kind of person I am now. And I was thinking how good he sounded with her. But then I heard him tell her about an argument he had with his sibling that did not really happen. He did this about six months ago before his diagnosis,…
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Qualities I Need to Work On
Yesterday, DH wanted to go to the grocery store with me. I should have been pleased about this since he hasn’t had any appetite or energy lately. As he slowly pushed the grocery cart around using it as a walker, I gathered some items we needed; and he filled the cart with items that we don’t need, or he should not be…
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Long Naps
Can I just say…I love it so dang much when my DW takes a long nap. She's at about 3-4 hours a nap every day now. I know that means she's moving along, but I do enjoy these moments of quiet. I'm happy she gets them too.
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Questions About Elder Care Attorneys
I'm exhausted from not sleeping at night because I contacted an elder care attorney and they now want almost $9,000.00 to arrange things like Medicaid application, getting the house/cars/etc. into only my name. We already both had our Power of Attorneys, Wills and Five Wishes taken care of. My question is this - is this a…
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End Stage
Hi. Mom is 86 had Alzheimer’s for 8 or 9 years maybe more. She is definitely in late/end stage. She sleeps 90% of the time. Been non verbal for over a year at least. Getting frail. Is this possibly a sign that this is close to end? My sister lives the closest so I don’t get to see her a lot. And don’t get much feedback.…