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Care plan meeting tomorrow
Finally have our meeting scheduled for tomorrow. I have spent the weekend preparing a list of questions and issues to address. Outcome will probably determine whether I leave her where she is or start looking for a different facility (though the very idea just exhausts me). She is still pretty independent in her ADL's, and…
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Three months on MCF for DW. An Update.
This will be long so TL;DR: I'm the guy with a deadly skin disease I developed from the stress of caregiving. I'm recovering with treatment. DW has been in an MCF for nearly three months and has adapted much better than I feared. Hopefully my story will be of some use to others, as their stories have been to me. Now for my…
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Update to Called Hospice
Hospice visited yesterday. They immediately qualified him. The doctor also reviewed his medical records and gave him a diagnosis, which he's NEVER had. We're to the point of hospice, 8 months in memory care, and no one had ever given him an actual diagnosis. The best has been "Presenile dementia", which I suppose says it…
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Seeing changes
My brilliant husband had trouble making the bed this morning - a task he has always enjoyed and performed upon rising. It took him 1/2 hour. He gets agitated if I try to help, so I stayed away. He has been having trouble with his computer lately too, forgetting passwords and getting agitated with it all. We have an…
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Stressed / anxious especially since I can no longer share
My DH still is my best friend - but then he's really not. I used to talk decisions over with him - but now it's usually "whatever you think" as a reply. He was the person who calmed my anxieties/worries - and now any mention of things that have me worried causes him confusion and anxiety. So even though he's still in the…
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Grandaughter's Wedding and other updates
Dear Forum Friends, it's been awhile since I have posted anything. It seems like somethings happens and before I can post, something else happens so I end up not posting anything. Last weekend, our granddaughter got married in Des Moines, Iowa. Her twin brother was married in late May in Indiana and we attended his wedding…
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Dealing with slowly losing my husband
I am new to this forum, new to dealing with advanced dementia, new to feeling lost, new to not recognizing my husband, new to keeping secrets from others...to protect my husband, the list goes on and on. We are in the process of changing our Neurologist, all I can get from him is that he has advanced dementia, I asked is…
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This country song makes me cry
I like just about all kinds of music except rap, but that isn't really music (I know I'm opinionated). But the first time I heard this song, I thought somebody wrote it for us. That was some time ago. Gene Watson - I Don't Need A Thing At All
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end of week
I am so glad it is the end of the week. Tomorrow is a the start of a new week. I want/need a better week. Someday the events of this week will be a funny story. But, not yet. That’s all I got.
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Accepting That I Am On This Path Alone
I have (finally) come to an acceptance that there is no longer any accountability or depth of understanding with my DH, he still has a surface persona, ask questions, tells me he loves me, remembers or obsessive over some things, showboats at the Dr.s or in front of family and friends but the many fractures to his memory…
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Placement day
"Not your fault...just be a good girl," were my LO's words to me yesterday...I couldn't stop crying, begging her forgiveness because I couldn't help her, because I could no longer keep her, or myself, safe....and she said: not your fault. What a blessed gift she has given me! I placed her in memory care yesterday. She was…
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First time here. Feeling overwhelmed
Male, gay, 67, recently retired. Have been with my husband since 1977. He (74 next week) was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's and the typical problems are beginning. Yesterday I had to make the decision to take away his car keys, and now he won't speak to me. He loved being able to drive places, but it's just become…
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book list(1)
I have no info re who puts this together but I do know that some of these are very good https://dennislehanebooks.com/books-about-dementia/
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One Year in MC
It seems hard to believe but it was a year ago today that I placed DW in MC. We have been fortunate, DW is engaged & happy there and has never once asked about home. I visit her 4 to 5 times a week, take her to lunch a couple of times per month and bring the dog for visits. DW loves having a lot of people around and can…
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How long have you been a caregiver?
How long have you been a full-time caregiver and how do you know you were at the end of this struggle?
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DH 1st week in AL - A roller coaster!
My DH move in date was 11/7. On 11/8 and 11/9 he tried to leave, they were able to stop him in the parking lot and he told them he was "walking home ." The directors feel that it is a mistake for me to visit every day and that DH needs some time to adjust without me there. They feel in 2 weeks time he will see that as his…
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Update to kicked out update(1)
Wow! What a month! It was exactly one month today that DH kicked me out and didn’t know who I was. He’s been in geripsych for a month and is doing great. After seeing 18 MC I finally settled on a place less than .5 a mile away that also happens to be the least expensive. DH had his assessment yesterday and, thankfully, he…
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Becoming a better man through this.
My patience has been challenged so many times in the last few years. I'm still growing in that area and I always compare myself to the man I want to be but fall so short. It seems that being a caregiver for so long for someone you love and is leaving brings out every positive and negative emotion. I've grown so much in…
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Called Hospice
Yet another step on this journey. Hospice will visit us at his memory care Saturday for an assessment. I had been dragging my feet calling hospice. It was actually the DON at his facility who suggested it's time. He's now in a specialized wheelchair (because he can't hold his head up) full time and hasn't attempted to…
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long stay memory care
October 24 marked 5 years in memory care for DW and more than 4 years since she had any idea who I was Just wondered who else was dealing with long stay/ long non recognition
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Yesterday was her Birthday
My daughter had posted on Facebook a picture of her on her 40th one. She would have been 78. Every so often at camp at add a little more to the letter to her. I'm glad Jan wasn't here for it, it would mean Alzheimer's was still at it. On another note 2 apple pies in the oven and one more when those are done. Darn crust…
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Touring the long term care homes
I have now seen three homes, fourth is next week. After awhile they seem to blur but maybe that is because everything is similar. I do realize what a monumental task it is to care for a loved one who has dementia. The homes have a lot of staff, so they don’t deal with everything, like myself.Today I went to a home that…
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Housebound for 2 days
We are having some work done at the house that is taking 2 days. Ordinarily I manage my wife by keeping her moving from one thing to the next on a pretty routine basis. Get up early I make her some toast for breakfast, I get an hour workout, we walk the dog, I take her to work and errands, come home nap and hang out.…
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Noticing Small Progression
It's been about 4 weeks since DH was told he had VD. Since then, I have seen some slight progression, nothing major, which has me understanding more of how I need to be more observant of what he does. We had lunch at a local sub shop and I went to get drink refills. Asked him to watch my purse and we would leave when I…
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Suggestions for Aggressive behavior in the evening
DH has, I found out today, been showing aggression right after dinner at MC, general anger mostly, wanting out and being very grumpy. But lately he has started throwing furniture, and so they informed me about it because it seems to be escalating. Does anyone have recommendations for medications? He is probably close to…
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Care Manager
Has anyone on this forum worked with a Care Manager? I am in discussions with a couple, hoping that they might help me to get care for my DW, including the challenge of helping her understand why it is needed. DW is physically robust, but demented more and more frequently (although not all the time), and declining…
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update on DH(5)
DH has been in advanced care since July. He has declined over the past 2 weeks. He's fallen out of bed so now they don't want him in the broda chair. He is sleeping more gets agitated once in a while (not as often as he was) and seems to be in pain every so often. He isn't eating but is drinking somedays more than others.…
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Respite MC and weight loss
My H's weight had been stable until 6 months ago. Then at a PCP visit he had lost 6 lbs. My PCP asked me to keep an eye on his weight as he did not want him to lose more weight. (He is overweight but not obese.) At that time, he was having a weekly medical procedure where he was weighed. He fluctuated up and down over a 4…
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Spouse newly diagnosed and I am overwhelmed
Hi everyone, My name is Marci. My husband was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia two weeks ago and our lives have been thrown into complete chaos. Hoping to learn how best to care for him. I don't even know what questions to ask yet. I would really love to be part of a support group. Thanks for reading.
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Seeking a changed attitude in this strange season of life
A good friend was sharing heartfelt things with me the other day about her healing journey over the years. She spoke of how she and her spouse used to be before they both found recovery in AA and Al-Anon. Before recovery she used to isolate and withdraw from her husband. Now she doesn't do that at all; neither of them do.…