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Accepting That I Am On This Path Alone
I have (finally) come to an acceptance that there is no longer any accountability or depth of understanding with my DH, he still has a surface persona, ask questions, tells me he loves me, remembers or obsessive over some things, showboats at the Dr.s or in front of family and friends but the many fractures to his memory…
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Placement day
"Not your fault...just be a good girl," were my LO's words to me yesterday...I couldn't stop crying, begging her forgiveness because I couldn't help her, because I could no longer keep her, or myself, safe....and she said: not your fault. What a blessed gift she has given me! I placed her in memory care yesterday. She was…
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First time here. Feeling overwhelmed
Male, gay, 67, recently retired. Have been with my husband since 1977. He (74 next week) was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's and the typical problems are beginning. Yesterday I had to make the decision to take away his car keys, and now he won't speak to me. He loved being able to drive places, but it's just become…
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book list(1)
I have no info re who puts this together but I do know that some of these are very good https://dennislehanebooks.com/books-about-dementia/
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One Year in MC
It seems hard to believe but it was a year ago today that I placed DW in MC. We have been fortunate, DW is engaged & happy there and has never once asked about home. I visit her 4 to 5 times a week, take her to lunch a couple of times per month and bring the dog for visits. DW loves having a lot of people around and can…
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How long have you been a caregiver?
How long have you been a full-time caregiver and how do you know you were at the end of this struggle?
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DH 1st week in AL - A roller coaster!
My DH move in date was 11/7. On 11/8 and 11/9 he tried to leave, they were able to stop him in the parking lot and he told them he was "walking home ." The directors feel that it is a mistake for me to visit every day and that DH needs some time to adjust without me there. They feel in 2 weeks time he will see that as his…
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Update to kicked out update(1)
Wow! What a month! It was exactly one month today that DH kicked me out and didn’t know who I was. He’s been in geripsych for a month and is doing great. After seeing 18 MC I finally settled on a place less than .5 a mile away that also happens to be the least expensive. DH had his assessment yesterday and, thankfully, he…
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Becoming a better man through this.
My patience has been challenged so many times in the last few years. I'm still growing in that area and I always compare myself to the man I want to be but fall so short. It seems that being a caregiver for so long for someone you love and is leaving brings out every positive and negative emotion. I've grown so much in…
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Called Hospice
Yet another step on this journey. Hospice will visit us at his memory care Saturday for an assessment. I had been dragging my feet calling hospice. It was actually the DON at his facility who suggested it's time. He's now in a specialized wheelchair (because he can't hold his head up) full time and hasn't attempted to…
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long stay memory care
October 24 marked 5 years in memory care for DW and more than 4 years since she had any idea who I was Just wondered who else was dealing with long stay/ long non recognition
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Yesterday was her Birthday
My daughter had posted on Facebook a picture of her on her 40th one. She would have been 78. Every so often at camp at add a little more to the letter to her. I'm glad Jan wasn't here for it, it would mean Alzheimer's was still at it. On another note 2 apple pies in the oven and one more when those are done. Darn crust…
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Touring the long term care homes
I have now seen three homes, fourth is next week. After awhile they seem to blur but maybe that is because everything is similar. I do realize what a monumental task it is to care for a loved one who has dementia. The homes have a lot of staff, so they don’t deal with everything, like myself.Today I went to a home that…
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Housebound for 2 days
We are having some work done at the house that is taking 2 days. Ordinarily I manage my wife by keeping her moving from one thing to the next on a pretty routine basis. Get up early I make her some toast for breakfast, I get an hour workout, we walk the dog, I take her to work and errands, come home nap and hang out.…
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Noticing Small Progression
It's been about 4 weeks since DH was told he had VD. Since then, I have seen some slight progression, nothing major, which has me understanding more of how I need to be more observant of what he does. We had lunch at a local sub shop and I went to get drink refills. Asked him to watch my purse and we would leave when I…
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Suggestions for Aggressive behavior in the evening
DH has, I found out today, been showing aggression right after dinner at MC, general anger mostly, wanting out and being very grumpy. But lately he has started throwing furniture, and so they informed me about it because it seems to be escalating. Does anyone have recommendations for medications? He is probably close to…
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Care Manager
Has anyone on this forum worked with a Care Manager? I am in discussions with a couple, hoping that they might help me to get care for my DW, including the challenge of helping her understand why it is needed. DW is physically robust, but demented more and more frequently (although not all the time), and declining…
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update on DH(5)
DH has been in advanced care since July. He has declined over the past 2 weeks. He's fallen out of bed so now they don't want him in the broda chair. He is sleeping more gets agitated once in a while (not as often as he was) and seems to be in pain every so often. He isn't eating but is drinking somedays more than others.…
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Respite MC and weight loss
My H's weight had been stable until 6 months ago. Then at a PCP visit he had lost 6 lbs. My PCP asked me to keep an eye on his weight as he did not want him to lose more weight. (He is overweight but not obese.) At that time, he was having a weekly medical procedure where he was weighed. He fluctuated up and down over a 4…
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Spouse newly diagnosed and I am overwhelmed
Hi everyone, My name is Marci. My husband was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia two weeks ago and our lives have been thrown into complete chaos. Hoping to learn how best to care for him. I don't even know what questions to ask yet. I would really love to be part of a support group. Thanks for reading.
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Seeking a changed attitude in this strange season of life
A good friend was sharing heartfelt things with me the other day about her healing journey over the years. She spoke of how she and her spouse used to be before they both found recovery in AA and Al-Anon. Before recovery she used to isolate and withdraw from her husband. Now she doesn't do that at all; neither of them do.…
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FYI(15)
https://www.nia.nih.gov/sites/default/files/2022-11/2022_nih_progress_report_ad-adrd_research_1.pdf
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In some cases, a MAPT might work to your advantage
https://www.elderlawanswers.com/pros-and-cons-of-a-mapt-19281
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MCF Didn't Work Out
As some of you know, I placed DH 5 weeks ago at a private MCF at a cost of $7K/month. They told me it would be best if I did not visit for 4-6 weeks while he transitioned. I was able to view pictures of him engaged in activities posted on their portal and was reassured that he was adjusting fine. I started to see that he…
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Tums for the tummy or worse
i came downstairs today to a big humongous mess of feces in the sink. I have been doing actually quite well in the last week or so. However, this was epic. I stared in absolute shock, then I glanced in the cupboard and saw that the Tums bottle was empty and I realized my husband had eaten all of them. Hence the cleanup in…
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hand feed DH or not
This is hard, but posting my real thoughts and feelings and struggles. No judgement please on me or other posters. DH and I never discussed hand feeding. Who knew when we were young, healthy and able to have a conversation about it, that it was in our future. Artificial feeding by tube? Yeah, we discussed that and won't be…
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Thank you, Hoot
Thanks for letting me know about the letter you wrote to your father. It's been just a little over three months since my wife passed, and I wrote a letter to her this morning. The tears flowed more than they have since the day she died. But I got it out, and I hope she sees it.
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Somedays I feel like Superman, other days. . .
Somedays I feel I can handle anything that is thrown my way while caring for my mother and wife with dementia for the last 5 years. Seems like there is no end in sight. Other days I'm just not ready to deal with the drama the emotions the crying, "Where am I?, How did I get here? This is not my home, I just wanna go home.…
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I'll take what I can get
Went to MC today, had asked that I have a visit with my partner with a staff member present. That didn't exactly happen the way I had envisioned--when I got there at 2 pm, she and her favorite aide were doing "improvisations" for the rest of the group (about eight residents and 3-4 staff members, in the living room). She…
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For Newcomers
Congrats! You found a good place here to help you get through this mess. You will get a lot of help and understanding here that is hard to find. There is always someone here who is or was going through whatever you are going through now, and we "get it". If you are about to make your first post, asking for help, just…